Quickbolt wants to re-connect with his old friend, Sonic the Hedgehog, and asks Twilight to teleport him to Sonic. But when the teleportation goes wrong, they could be stuck there forever.
Chapters (4)
BarrelStudios
Joined 11th Jun, 2012 ·
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First, get rid of that wall of text.
Second, create a new paragraph every time a new person speaks.
Third, you create new paragraphs at the most random points.
Fourth... Sonictopia? Really? ಠ_ಠ
Fifth, I have no idea what the hell is going on.
Sixth, the characters are out of character.
Seventh, who is Quickbolt and why should we care about him?
Eighth, this thing flew by way too fast.
I could continue ranting for a long time, but I don't feel like it.
1023966
Ninth, this kind of crossover is bad.
Tenth, the concept is bad.
Eleventh, this story is bad.
End of story.
Listen, This story isn't...good. However, you could definitely fix all of the errors here and maybe make another story that isn't a mess like this. A wall of text, bad story concept (Sonictopia? At least call it Mobius!" I'm gonna follow you, just to see if you can do better though. I feel like you have potential, but practice makes perfect!
There was going to be a day I regretted having this as a profile pic.
4346495 Looking for something to use for the show.
See Smg065.
Well that's weird.
You recommend this one?
This is the worst. I hate the person who ironically "recommended" this
I would probably like this if:
-Paragraphs were used
-Unnecessary lines were removed
-The chapter would be extended
Otherwise, about a 7/10.
This story is one of the lowest rated ever on FiMFiction, and I can see why.
I am impressed with the idea, but many, OK lots of things, should be improved. Remove the wall of text, remember that you DON'T have to say something after speech. When I write dialogue, after about the second or third line of dialogue, I try my best to cut out "replied" and "declared" and all that until a character interrupts or joins the conversation.
For example:
"Hi there, Fluttershy!" exclaimed Pinkie Pie.
"Hello, Pinkie Pie..." replied Fluttershy.
"Pretty crazy weather today, huh?"
"Yeah."
"Hey everypony!" interrupted Rainbow Dash.
"Dash!" laughed Pinkie and Fluttershy simultaneously.
4664619
Sure. The bottom of the barrel needs to be revealed every once and a while. If your looking for Let's Read material though:
The Slave and The Master of Chaos
This one only has 20 dislikes, but he got 24. It's so perfect, so perfect that you must read it.
Ok, I'm quitting this in the middle of the second chapter. For Celestia's sake, have you ever heard of paragraphs and double spacing? I couldn't even focus on the story with the way you wrote it. Considering what other people have commented, I probably didn't miss anything anyway.
Much format. Such story. Wow.
1024104 That was a nice story you told! Only a few lines and better than what this person created!
5156254
I came here to see just how deep the shit pile goes. This is the diarrhea shitting ass end of 105K+ fanfics.
memes.ucoz.com/_nw/32/67583552.jpg
You've seen the like to dislike ratio. You know what you're going to find down there. Please, just do the smart thing and don't scroll past this comment.