Epilogue
A crisp layer of leaves blankets Sweet Apple Acres in a collage of red and gold. High above, a lone dandelion seed glides past the disrobing tree limbs. It descends past the lowest branches, meanders through the tree trunks, and lands atop the nose of a sleeping yellow filly with ribbons through her cherry red mane.
The filly rouses from her slumber, squinting in the warm afternoon sun. Her closed eyes see a lingering image, a memory, or maybe a dream, but she's interrupted; the dandelion seed tickles her nostril, she sneezes, and the vision vanishes for good.
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This seems promising i will defiantly read this later
Remarkable. I thoroughly enjoyed this. More thoughts later, when I've had a chance to chew it over, but for now: remarkable. You really understand your ponies.
Dang.
That was a mostly depressing romp through a "what might yet be". (Yes - the ending was happy, but the ride getting there was bleak...)
Still - fairly well written with few grammar or spelling errors.
I commend you and give you a thumbs up.
(Not a fav because frankly, it was too much of a bummer for me to want to return and read it again some time. I get enough depression from real life, thank you.
)
This is remarkably good. I commend you for writing this.
Outstanding.
I don't suppose you'd particularly mind if I wrote a parody of this?
Mercy, this was great! For this being your first story up here, you did a phenomenal job.
Wonderful!
Short, succinct and to the point.
A beautifully-woven tale better than a lot of stories on here with much longer chapters.
I salute you.
A masterfully crafted story if i say so.
Wow, just wow. That was awesome. Very few plot holes for such a short story, and a very interesting premise.
I am very impressed, take my likes
Chapter One's illustration is done, everypony!
More on the way!
1023141
Oh, you don't have to be defiant about it, but thank you!
1023560
Thanks! You're welcome to write a parody, sequel, or whatever else you please; that's what makes it fan-fiction!
1023187>>1023271>>1023310>>1023691>>1023757>>1023804>>1023905>>1025264
Thanks very much!
1023580
You caught me! I did in fact get my inspiration for Rarity's story from that episode.
1024827
I admit I had to YouTube those songs to figure out what you were talking about. Band name recognition is not my strong suit.
Thanks for reading!
1027847: Local gem shortage since Spike took up residence near Canterlot? He did mention he was eating them instead of hoarding ...
There should be an interquel between chapter 10 and the epilogue, like who was the one who assassinated Princess Celestia.
1029010: I don't want to spoil anything, but read the description of the assassin again, and consider carefully Applebloom's time-altering suggestion to Twilight Sparkle ...
1029467
Heh. I forgot. But I would like to see how they prevented the assassination.
1029492 : Applebloom's idea should have rendered the assassin incapable ...
GREAT job. Really. This was an incredible story, and one of the most sadly underrated on the site.
Do keep up the good work, and take this watch.
1042754
Thank you!
Wow... I will never think of a certain pony in quite the same way again
The story was great, and so was the pacing, but whatever happened to Scootaloo?
i agree what happend to scoots
Wow, what an erupt ending...
And that's why I love it so much! Leaves a lot to the imagination; we already know everything turned out alright.
The whole time-travel gig is overdone to death, but you did it beautifully. T'was very entertaining.
Nice touch with the illustrations as well. Did you draw them yourself?
EDIT: Oh, it was Cyaneus. Awesome work, dude!
1023141
I now imagine you reading this while saying "I'm going to read this just to defy you!" /grammarnazi
I think the mare who once parried the masterstroke of an incarnation of Chaos with some pieces of paper would have planned even for her own death.
Scootaloo's ill fate was omitted... fatal scooter crash? Found by Foal Protective Services (if one goes with the idea she is an orphan...)?
Other than that? Perfection.
Quite the narrative, in spite of an easily predictable resolution. You painted an image of a depressing future for the Mane 6 indeed. Although, Pinkie Pie just seems like Pinkie Pie. Aside from her new pastry ingredient, I suppose.
Very vivid writing, and a good story too.
I don't buy the characters' fates as "in character" with the show, but hey, this is fiction.
I LOVED this story. Nice view on how things could turn out bad and a fairly good resolution though not completely satisfying.
Two questions though, since the elements of harmony broke up, shouldn't Discord have escaped?
And what happened to Scootaloo during all of this?
Dark and sad through the bulk of it, but satisfyingly sweet in the end. The story does what it meant to: convey strong emotion. It isn't bogged down or overwritten, it says what is needed and leaves the rest to the reader's mind. The character analysis is thought out and understandable. The one debatable point being if Celestia is actually mortal or immortal or something in between.
A great story over all. I don't usually read sad stories, but this came highly recommended and I was not disappointed. Thanks for a great read.
Not a bad story. I enjoyed it, and got invested. You did a great job giving just enough detail to allow us to form mental pictures (quite vivid ones, at that) but not so much as to get bogged down with them.
There were some things I didn't like, such as the assassin's identity and, spoilers, how willing Luna was to cast such a drastic spell with little regard for how it would effect the rest of the world, let alone the ponies whose lives may have even improved over the years.
Regardless of my small gripes, it was a well-written and engaging story, and I enjoyed reading it. It even got me a little emotional at one point
Good job!
This is one of the funniest parodies of over-the-top grimdark fanfiction I have ever read
Pinkie Pie (and the ending!) especially had me rolling, though I suppose Rarity's could have used some work. I mean, you spent so long describing a street corner, I thought for certain you were teasing a less-than-glamorous lifestyle for her, lost in the big city as she is. Or did you imply that with Applejack, when Applebloom woke up late hearing hoofsteps..?
Seriously good stuff, assuming I'm supposed to be laughing.
Spectacular. One of my very favorites. Easy (and even delightful) to read, very well-thought out and "believable" within the universe, with plenty of references to the show and unspoken winks at the readers (I say that because Derpy's name is not written once, but we all know exactly who was affected by the princess' spell).
And top of it all, you're a wonderful writer with a flowing, descriptive style that moves quickly without losing integrity or interest. I'm amazed at this. Well worth the read, and well-deserving of its spot on Equestria Daily.
I look forward to more from you.
That was beautifull... Too bad she dosnt have any memories tho...
This story is fantastic. The entire time, you know of the better things to come, yet, you can't help sobbing.
At first I was like
Then I was like
Suddenly I was like
At the end I was like
While this story is certainly well-written, demonstrating good use of language and imagery, there are some problems I have with its premise and development.
The Apple family losing their farms because of a prolonged period of total darkness I can understand. Same with Rainbow becoming a washup, Twilight forced to work off her student loans, and maybe even Rarity's descent into madness.
What I don't understand is why Pinkie Pie went insane and why Fluttershy is married to Blueblood. From what I can tell, the story is saying that after Celestia was killed, Pinkie just decided to start killing ponies. And Fluttershy's fate is also a headscratcher. I'd imagine she'd marry if she was in dire need of money to support herself but we see in the show that Fluttershy has her own home and presumably some kind of income or wealth (since she seems to take care of animals for free), so that motivation appears to be ruled out. And if she really did need money, couldn't she return to her brief but wildly successful modelling career?
Furthermore, Applejack's pride seems to have been raised to the point of being out of character. In the show, Applejack gets a lesson in swallowing pride and asking for help in Season One and in Season Two demonstrates she remembers that lesson when she lets her friends pitch in during the competition with the Flim Flam brothers. Surely if her farm was in such bad shape after the Long Night she'd be willing to call upon her friends for aid.
Perhaps I am just poking holes, but the aforementioned elements really detract from the story in my opinion.
But the really big problem I have with this story is in the execution of its conclusion.
If the ending had shown Apple Bloom reuniting the Mane 6 and had them working together to gradually overcome their respective difficulties in life, that would have been satisfactory. It would beautifully reiterate the theme of the show that if people come together and are willing to help one another that they can accomplish things none of them could otherwise do alone.
If you had made it so that the time travel spell had failed and Apple Bloom is forced to return to a life of poverty, that would also have been satisfactory. That would have been a powerful message, showing that sometimes no matter how much we may like to, sometimes the world cannot be changed. Sometimes bad things just happen to good people for no reason. A depressing but genuine fact about life.
But instead, the entire story is spent building up how horrible everyone's lives have become but then at the end it introduces a time travel spell that apparently fixes everything. I feel that really removes a lot of the impact of the rest of the story. The thing about this show that always interested me is how despite the fanciful setting with unicorns and pegasi and sonic rainbooms, the characters and their experiences are very real. Scenes with the Elements of Harmony aside, magic is rarely (if ever) shown being the ultimate solution to the characters' problems. Indeed it is shown causing problems several times. Because magic can't be used to immediately fix their problems, the challenges of the Mane 6 feel more believable.
As a result, the use of time travel to fix everything feels forced and an anticlimactic way of concluding things.
Squeejee above says that this story seems to be more in line with a parody of grimdark fiction, given how horrible everything is, almost to the point of being darkly comedic. If a parody was your intent then it is well-done, but otherwise I do have genuine reservations about it.
However I did like the horrific scene of Luna being forced to constantly exert herself trying to keep the cycle of the sun and moon going. A Sisyphean task like that is terrifying to think of, especially since Luna was previously trapped on the moon for so long and now she is trapped again but after tasting freedom, making her fate that much worse.
Again, you clearly have talent for writing and while I don't think the story is without its problems, I do hope that you'll continue writing and I look forward to seeing what else you come up with. The above points are all my humble opinion and nothing more, so make of it what you will.
Best regards
Alfalfa Falafel
1068425
Judging from how others seem to think it is a bruise or a stain or whatever, I'd guess a rotten and/or misshapen apple (i.e. a bruised apple)
1065467 , 1067248 I'm not the author, but I was involved in the writing process, so I feel it's safe for me to say: this story isn't satire, nor is it intended to be a real tearjerker. It's understandable that a few people laughed at how over-the-top this narrative is--there were many times Error732 and I certainly had to laugh while it was being written (for me in particular, the running gag with Apple Bloom's cutie mark). It's an illustration of The. Worst. Possible. Thing
that could have happened to Equestria, and so parts of it are intentionally bizarre. When I read it, I see a version of the fate that might have befallen each pony, were their friendships to somehow dissolve and leave them each alone in the world. Considering the theme of the show, that last part is a point of interest--and in light of 1064673 's statement, I have to wonder if perhaps Chaos was involved in the dissolution of the Mane 6. (Anyone want to write that prequel?)
I do agree that an ending involving the Mane 6 reuniting to turn back time or turn their lives around would have been satisfying (and not a Deus Ex Machina, which, considering Luna's godlike powers, this ending certainly is). But both the author and I agree that, in order to pull that off, the story would need to be at least twice as long, and it would become quite a different story at that point.
And ... I'm pretty sure we just forgot about Scootaloo, because none of us likes her very much.
1023141
You'll "defiantly" read this later?
1023141
You'll "defiantly" read this later?1067248
About that Elements of Harmony thing, I think it's okay because the villains they face usually have some magical power that no normal person could defeat, so it would make sense that you need some magical solution.
1068873
If this was meant to be an exploration of what happened if the Mane 6 were to sever ties with one another, then I can see how that works. I would think that a world without Celestia would lead to the Mane 6 uniting even more closely, but I suppose for the sake of a pure "what if?" hypothetical it would be okay to just say that they went their separate ways.
I'd also like to reiterate that I don't necessarily think that a happy ending would be more preferable or even the best ending possible. Given the the tone of the story, I'd be perfectly fine with (and indeed was expecting) an ending that said that the time travel spell didn't work and that Apple Bloom has to return to her life of poverty. It's a powerful statement about how some things that are broken sometimes just can't be fixed. No matter how much we wish otherwise. While such an ending is certainly depressing and morbid, it is very true of real life.
A happy ending would have been a pleasant surprise given how bad the situation looks, but would also have sent a powerful message of its own. How sometimes, when people who care are working together, seemingly impossible challenges can be overcome. I agree such a story would require a significant amount of time, effort and length to make it seem plausible so I certainly don't blame Error for deciding not to take on such a monumental literary task.
My problem is with the time travel working without a hitch or any unintended side effects. I would actually have liked a darker ending where the time travel didn't work. An ending where the Mane 6 struggle and work hard to fix their lives and get a happy ending would also have worked well, but would feel a bit cliched. It's how the time travel works perfectly and takes away the idea of consequence in favor of, as you yourself said a "Deus Ex Machina", that leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
Sorry if it sounds like I'm repeating my last post but after rereading it I feel like I may have worded my points in a confusing way and this is my attempt at expressing my opinion in a more organized fashion.
1069023
Another case of poor explanation on my part, for which I apologize. I was not saying that I think the Elements of Harmony are improper because they are a Deus Ex Machina. If you're fighting a demi-goddess of the night or the physical embodiment of chaos, you're inevitably going to need some kind of superweapon or super-magic to stop them so by all means, pull out the rainbow laser-guided friendship beam! But it's clearly established that the Elements of Harmony are a special kind of magic, only meant to be used against extreme threats.
Example: When Gilda the griffon was being a jerk to the inhabitants of Ponyville, the Mane 6 did not go to Princess Celestia and ask for the Elements of Harmony to friendship blast her. Instead, Rainbow had to confront her one-time friend about her behavior and decide whether to stay loyal to Gilda or to her pony friends. That kind of situation, where an old friendship sours and becomes broken, is very realistic. And the fact that Rainbow Dash has to address it in a realistic way, without the aid of magic, makes that scenario much more meaningful.
To summarize my point (in what is hopefully a more clear manner) using the Elements of Harmony (or some kind of magic) as a Deus Ex Machina against major, world-threatening dangers is certainly fine in my book. Using the Elements of Harmony (or some kind of magic) as a Deus Ex Machina to fix everyday problems of real life would cheapen the message of the show, which is that friendship itself IS magic and can help overcome many challenges in life.
Hence the reason is why I think the time travel spell is a weak ending for this story. The rest of Equestria appears to have recovered from Celestia's death and life goes on for most ponies. It's not like Nightmare Moon bringing eternal night or Discord's reign of chaos. It's just that bad things happened to a few poor souls. As bad as the situation is for the Mane 6, and as sad as their circumstances are, the problems they are facing still fall into the category of "real life" for me and so to introduce a literal magic solution with the time travel weakens the story.
Again, this is my personal opinion and no disrespect is intended to the writer. I simply wish to convey my reaction and feedback and I hope that I have managed to do so in a courteous and comprehensible way.
This is brilliant. Simply amazing. I wasn't expecting it to be so good.
A good tale, friend! :D Excellent. Sad, but also feasible for the most part.
Extended ending and Epilogue extension, fan addition:
Chapter X:
As Applebloom closed her eyes, Princess Luna turned back around to see Twilight scribbling something down on parchment. She wanted to ask what could possibly be so important to be written right now, when history was about to be re-written and what they knew would cease to exist, but her concentration was focused on the task at hand. Most of her focus remained on the spell she cast as she watched Twilight roll up the parchment and seal it. Twilight looked toward Luna and gave a nod, which Princess Luna returned with a knowing smile. A bright flash illuminated the room, then was shrouded in eternal darkness.
Epilogue extension:
A brief twinkle of lavender magic glistened in the air, shimmering in the day's light. Princess Celestia looked up from her desk at the anomaly taking place in front of her, watching the air begin to vortex into a single point. A piece of rolled up parchment appeared before her and dropped down to her desk. Without hesitation, she quickly broke the seal and unraveled the parchment, knowing there was only one person in Equestria that could have sent a letter to her in this manner.
Dear Princess Celestia
The future is a dark and horrible place without you. At first, I thought it was just how life was supposed to work out. It wasn't until a fateful visit from the relative of a dear friend in need did I realize how unjust this future has turned out to be. A bleak fate has fallen upon all of the bearers of the Elements of Harmony, some even extending to our families.
There was an accident, you see, that tore you from this world. Afterwards, your sister did what she could, but things just weren't the same. One by one, each of us left the life we were accustomed to, hoping for bigger and better things. Instead, we were each sucked into a misery-filled lifestyle, always thinking that everything would turn out alright. But it never did.
When Applebloom first showed up on my doorstep with this idea, I thought it was crazy. But it might just be crazy enough to work. We came up with a spell that will hopefully fix everything, which your sister has agreed to cast for us. Please let this work. Equestria needs you. The Elements of Harmony need you. I need you.
Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle
As Celestia finished the letter, she rolled the parchment back up. She gazed out the window and gave a soft smile as she tossed the parchment into the fireplace, fueling the flames as they reduced the message to ash.
"Well," Celestia said to herself, as she stood. "I think it's about time I have somepony check on the preparations for the Summer Sun Celebration."
1080175 You. I like you.
Bravo -claps-
My problem with reset button stories is that even though they often have a lesson to be learned, it usually isn't. Then that epilogue is there exactly to make that single problem crystal clear and nothing more.
Yeah, very well written and all. Very involving. Everypony in character, interesting usage of AB's cutie mark. Bravo for all that. Just… hate the plot, sorry.
Beautifully written, extremely well-paced, (a lost art on this site, it often seems) and very moving. Sad, but with a well-earned promise of redemption. Well done.
1023141
You will "Defiantly" read it later? Read it in a rebellious manner?