It started when the phone rang.
Prince Blueblood sat up in bed and raised an eyebrow. Nopony was supposed to have his phone number. Although, he had given it out to a few of the pretty mares at the bar he'd visited last night. Of course, he was in disguise, so nopony should have been able to guess that it was him. He shrugged and sat up out of bed, lighting his horn and sliding the gold, jewel-encrusted headset on.
"Hello? Who is this? Why are you disturbing my sleep?"
"Oh thank goodness! I was afraid that I wasn't going to get through to somepony! I need your help right away!"
Blueblood rolled his eyes and laid back down in bed. "Oh, how terrible for you. What petty problems are you trying to bore me with?"
"I have recently come into some money through inheritance, but I find myself unable to collect it because of some terrible tax laws. If I go through normal channels, it shall be taxed up to fifty percent, and I cannot afford that!"
"Hmm. I see." Blueblood chuckled to himself and shook his head. "How much money are we talking about?"
"I am currently about to receive ten million bits from my recently deceased grandmare."
Blueblood's eyes widened. "That much? My word. That would be quite a sum. But what are you calling me for?"
"I need somepony to transfer the money to. It's a little backdoor, so you couldn't ever tell anypony about it. It would save me millions! In return for your help, I am willing to give you a million bits as payment for your time."
Blueblood grinned and shot out of bed. "Oh, of course! Of course!" He giggled and began pacing back and forth. "Although, if it's not totally above board, I will require a little more than that. Say, three million bits?"
"Oh, oh no that is still too much. Thank you, but I will try somepony else."
"Nono, wait!" Blueblood stopped pacing. "Aha, I was... jesting. One million bits is a good amount. Yes. Quite fair. So, what do you need me to do?"
"Are... are you serious? Do you really want to do this?"
"Yes, yes," Blueblood snapped. "What do you need from me?"
"I... aha... ahahahahah! Oh sweet joy! Today is finally the day!"
"Yes it is, now--"
"Oh... oh I'm sorry, I need a moment. Ha. Ahahah! Yes yes yes! Ooh, weeks of tribulation! All of it worth it!"
"It will be when I get my million bits!" Blueblood growled. "NOW TELL ME WHAT YOU NEED!"
"Oh... aha. Yes. Yes, I just need your checking account number and routing number. That's all." The voice let out a happy sigh. "Oh. Sweet joy. Sweet, sweet joy."
Blueblood frowned and tilted his head. "Are you alright? You've really been waiting for this."
"More than you can ever imagine. More than you can imagine. Now, I need those numbers."
"Of course, of course. I think I have a bank statement somewhere. Give me a moment."
"Take all of the time you need!"
"Yes, quite."
Blueblood walked over to a large stack of papers lying on the floor next to the door. He frowned and began flipping through them. Junk. Junk. Fan letter possibly containing some form of poison. Marriage proposal. Junk. Junk.
As he flipped through them, the door to his room opened. He glanced aside and saw Celestia walk in, frowning at him.
"Blueblood, what is going on? I heard you yelling. I something wrong?"
Blueblood giggled and began flipping through the papers with increased zeal. "No no, Auntie Tia. Nothing is wrong at all! Everything is going right for once because... aha!" Blueblood grabbed one of the papers and brought it closer so he could read it. "I'm coming into some money soon."
Celestia's eyes narrowed. "Oh? How?"
Blueblood waggled his hoof. "Now that would be telling. Suffice it to say, I should be able to pay you back soon."
"That will be the day," Celestia muttered. She walked up to Blueblood and lit her horn, tearing the headset off of Blueblood's head. He gasped and swiped at it.
"No! It's my money!"
Celestia tisked and encased Blueblood in a shield before putting the headset on.
"Hello? Hello? Is something wrong? Do you have the numbers?"
"Lady of Light, Celestia the Wise, Bringer of the Dawn, Warrior of Fire--"
"Oh fuck!"
"Celestia the Dragonblade, The Bane of Necromancers, She Born of the Sun, Defeater of Chaos, Celestia the Just, The Guiding Hoof of Equestria--"
"NOOOOOOOOO! Celestia fucking dammit!" Celestia heard something crash on the other end of the line, as though something was being thrown through a window. "You couldn't let me have just this one?!"
"Bringer of Peace, Lady Protector, Bringer of Balance to the World, She Born of Fire, She Born of Sunbeams, She Born of the Dawn..." She looked over at Blueblood and shrugged. "Celestia the Powerful--"
"Just this once! Please just let me have this one! I promise I'll stop making calls!"
"Bringer of Order, Liberator of Equestria, Mother of Ponies, The Bright Diarch, Steward of the Moon--"
"I'll never, ever ask for anything from anypony again! I proommmiiiiisssee!"
"She of Fucking Dammit, apparently, Mistress of Good, Conqueror of Evil, Destroyer of Evil, Bane of Evil--"
"You know what? Fuck you! I'll get you for this! I'll scam every penny out of every pony in all of Equestria! Then you'll know that you should have given into my demands! I... I... fuck you!"
*SLAM!*
Celestia sighed and shook her head as she slid the headset off. She looked over to Blueblood and saw that his eyes were wide and his jaw was nearly on the floor. She made a quiet noise of disgust to herself, placed the headset back on the receiver, then tore the whole thing out of the wall.
"Wait, wait no, Auntie Tia! That's my telephone!"
Celestia rolled her eyes and dissipated the shield. Blueblood rushed to block her, but she made it out of the room, slamming the door behind her. Blueblood squeaked when he heard several locks being clicked shut on his door.
"Oh... oh is that the way of it? You're just jealous! You're stealing my money! You can't do this!" Blueblood groaned and sat down on the floor. "You can't."
… I'm disappointed Celestia didn't wait a little longer before intervening. Maybe a lot longer
Good stuff, though!
Of course Blue Blood is the only one to actually fall for it. I expected nothing less.
blueblood is such a shit... I straight up hate that guy so much I kill him in the first chapter of a story I am writing
You should consider taking that offer, Celestia...
Your ponies will get to live in peace and nothing the readers would care about will be lost.
Edit:
There were no comments on this chapter.
I wrote a quick comment, happy to be the first one. (Not that I would brag about it.)
Three other comments were faster anyway...
YES I APPROVE OF THIS
DEATH TO BLUEBALLS
I would agree that Celestia should have let him go for it.
Ponies, Celestia included, are willing to write off a call from a phone scammer as a minor inconvenience. But if somepony as powerful, well-connected, wealthy and unscrupulous as Blueblood lost a substantial sum of money to a scammer, there's nowhere in Equestria they could hide from the henchponies Blueblood would send after them to wring out every last bit, and a great deal of blood in the process.
this is by far the funniest chapter of this story
Props to you Celestia for maintaining your standards.
9244435
Yeah, but we all know he wouldn't actually stop.
i always figure blueblood to be one of the more cunning type of politician/noble, everyone knew he dirty but there never any proof, or he the type who act like jackass in public but is super loyal to the crown
Wouldnt that have meant that the scammer would end up having all their takings transfered into Bluebloods massively in debt account through bank and goverment legal clawback?
You know, that one that says if you are destitute and owe, the bank can take money from anyone that has anything to do with you if your accounts are linked at any time?
I mean, the govt keeps sending me letters demanding I stop taking govt money in my legal post office bank account, so I can remove it through a firewall cash based transfer to my bill paying bank account th next town over, so that with them having the account in the same bank as savings, they can take it out at will and blame it on computer error, as to get the money back its up to me to proove its their fault, with no access to their information.
I really hope they dont. The last billion dollar company that tried that with me, went down though public backlash. Trying anything like that these days is like, hmm, just on the news. Cant use that equivalent. Lets just say its easier than Apple getting people to buy an iPhone.
9244507
It depends on the world.
Stars above, Celestia, how many titles do you have?
9244507
I think you mean cunning. Though he does act like a cunny as well.
"She of Bucking Dammit." A title fitting of a 'goddess' made worse by the insult being spoken against said person.
9244515
Well neither Blueblood or the scammer are they bright.
Is Legit Collecter his real name or a cover for his real name?
Cause if it's the second one, clever.
If it's not, he just told ponies that can arrest him who to look for.
I'm surprised. Blueblood is a diplomat, he knows all about sweet talking people into doing what he wants and them thinking it was their own idea.
More ideas off the top of my head
Zecora
Discord
Cadance and Shining Armour
Vinyl and Octavia
The CMC
Lyra
The Cake family
Bulk Biceps
The Pillars
The Student Six
Best line so far!
"She of Fucking Dammit, apparently,"
I lost it there. I thought Blueblood would have recognized the scam just as the others, than dealt with him in his own annoying ways, but the Deus Ex Machina works fine too. (Literally, since Celestia is a goddess)
I was really waiting for this one
Well we found a sucker. Now it is too bad that Celestia caught on and prevented anything bad from happening.
9244430
How is this deserving of 9 dislikes?
It's not even about this story!
And I thought almost every one hated canon Blueblood?
9245433
Fun fact about how blueblood dies in my story is getting swiftly smeared across the ventral hull of a crashing spaceship after apparently attending the Prometheus school of running away from things(ran in a way that put him in the ships path instead of sidestepping)
9244810
Holy shit i forgot about bulk biceps YES PLEASE or should i say YEEEEAAAHH!!
9245439
That sounds exactly like canon Blueblood!
This idiot could outstubborn a brick wall for as many times as he's failed.
Now I wonder if people in other countries get phone scammers claiming to be an Equestrian Prince needing help to move some money out from under the hoof of his unreasonable aunt...
That's what I'm doing right now, Mr. Collector. And you've made me lose my place. I'll start over.
9244535
Enough.
Dear scammers,
I have recently been to my biggest big-box store and I noticed some choice gift cards at checkout. Would you like “I know your number now” or “Fuck you, you asshole of Blueblood,” or how about “I raped your mom?”
9244655
Judging from those titles, Celestia must have had quite the militaristic past.
9254993
A group of snobby *powerful* nobles that can blast you from 500 meters away.
An incredibly well disciplined, well organized, militaristic nation that literally can be anywhere in the skies.
A heavy, hefty, incredibly sturdy (usually) fast-recovering group that are more stubborn than a rock.
Ice Monsters that literally feed on the negativity of the world around them and grow stronger as it continues.
Just to start...
Celestia please, you're making the rest of us look bad!
I love how she still isn't done with that list of titles.
Sounds like Blueblood, have gold/crystal furnishings.
9324305
Well, of course his decor would be something so hideously gaudy. It's Blueblood, a true pauper amongst princes.
9245471
no cannon blueblood would be standing demanding the spaceship to change it pad around him.
You just made my day... a second time. First when I read Twilight's chapter, then again when I read that. Such a minor line, yet hilarious in its own right.