Trixie
It started when the phone rang.
Trixie (The Great and Powerful Trixie to you) frowned and sat up in her hammock in her wagon and lit her horn, floating the headset over to her.
"Hello? Who is this? How did you get this number?"
"Yes hello, this is Legit Collector from the Equestrian Revenue Services. I am calling to inform you that you are currently under investigation for tax evasion. If you do--"
"No, Trixie does not have to pay income taxes," Trixie growled. "Trixie is sick of these calls!"
"Ma'am, all ponies must pay an income tax, regardless of desire. Failure to do so may result in seizure of property, bank accounts, passports, and any other things we must use to pay off your debt, on top of spending ten years in an Equestrian penitentiary for tax evasion! Should you not have the means to pay off your debt, you shall spend another two years in prison."
"Debtor's prison hasn't been legal since before Nightmare Moon, dummy," Trixie grumbled. "Besides, Trixie doesn't need to pay income tax because Trixie doesn't have an income, and never has!"
"Oh, um... let me see... Ah, yes, right, that's the issue. It isn't income tax, it's the inheritance mon--"
"Trixie doesn't have an inheritance either," Trixie said flatly. "Neither does she have a patron or any third party means of supporting herself."
"Ma'am, are you Trixie's lawyer or some other entity representing her?"
"No, this is Trixie!"
"Are you referring to yourself in the third person?"
"Yes."
"Why in Equestria would you feel the need to do that?"
"When you are your own promoter, you develop some quirks," Trixie replied with a satisfied smile. "Now, then, as Trixie was saying, she doesn't have to pay income tax because she doesn't have an income. Trixie supports herself from tips."
"Tips?"
Trixie nodded. "Yes. Trixie is a traveling magician. She supports herself via a tip jar she has during her performances. Under section four-three-C-five subsection nine-C of the Equestrian Tax Code..." Trixie cleared her throat and levitated a thick blue book over to her, flipping through it until she found the page she wanted. "Trixie quotes: 'ponies who receive tips and other small forms of payment not representing an official income shall not be required to declare them on their tax forms.' There are a bunch of other boring lines, but Trixie feels that she has read the pertinent part."
"So... you are evading income tax?"
Trixie shook her head. "No, haven't you been listening? Trixie only ever receives tips, which aren't taxable! Trixie does not know how many times she has had to explain this to you ponies! Trixie paid a tax lawyer a lot of her tips to confirm that this is totally legal!" Trixie chuckled and said to herself, "if a little dubious."
"W-well I... that... no, no you're taking that from an outdated source! Yeah, that's it! We changed the tax code to include tip amounts over a hundred bits! Anything above that is taxable and must be declared!"
"Well when did you change the law?" Trixie asked, closing the book and tossing it aside.
"We changed it at the start of the last tax season."
Trixie shrugged. "Well then, Trixie supposes that she's still in the clear, because her tips have only just become eligible income. Also, by the way, may Trixie have your ERS Identification Number?"
"Erm... my what?"
"ERS Identification number. Trixie has done a lot of research into tax laws and the ERS, and according to..." Trixie grabbed the book again and opened it up to a bookmarked page. "Section six-two-C-nine-B-8 subsection C-3 of the Equestrian tax code, and Trixie quotes again, 'upon request a member of the ERS must give their name and identification number." Trixie put the book aside again. "And there's more boring legal stuff, but you have to give Trixie your ID number."
"It's... um..."
"One-four-four-I-Am-A-Scammer?" Trixie guessed. "Trixie is tired of this. She hopes you get attacked by an Ursa Major. Goodbye."
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I hoenstly expected more 'snark'. The very knowledgable and economical Trixie works quite well though.
The Wily and Dubious Trixie is a nice contrast. Of COURSE she’s evading all taxes on a technicality.
well, now we know how she got that large sack of bits that allowed her to get the alicorn amulet. other than working at the rock farm anyway
If Sunset were to ever get one of these, I can only imagine she'd say something along the lines of "I'm from a different/parallel country/universe, I'm fairly certain taxing me would be illegal", though I'm sure there's some logical flaw to my thinking that's how it would work.
I can totally imagine Trixie being a tax-savvy mare to try and save as much as possible
9233252
....Damn it. Now I am imagining Justice3442's Sunset Shimmer getting this scammer.
If nothing else, Trixie is a master of self-sufficiency, with all that that entails.
9233252
She may still be a legal minor, at least in terms of physical age. Or the age on her definitely not counterfeit ID, anyway.
...
*Applauds*
If Trixie is that knowledgable about the Tax code, doesnt she then know the rules, punishments and rewards involved in giving information leading to the arrest of someone impersonating a goverment official, especially one working in criminal behaviour, especially if it turns out to be aan actual goverment worker wanting to make a bit more on the side?
9233269
Oh dear god, the poor thing would be blasted out of existence by her fury.
Trixie's lucky. The US IRS taxes every scrap of income.
If you find the Ark of the Covenant, even, they want a piece of that!
Believe me, I know!
The trick is to let them open it. Then their faces melt off.
It says complete, but it keeps getting bigger and bigger! I kinda like it cause it's a pleasant surprise when it updates!
Bet Trixie has t he book close by just to have fun with the scammers...
…..how about adagio dazzle?
I kind want to see this go on, like somehow he call sunset on the other side of the mirror, or discord, or even other villiens,
9233252
she be "few thing first off I have lived in equestied since year XXXX so u cant tax me on any income I ever had, also how are you contact me form another world?"
just for the record, i havent watched mlp in years. i just happened to be on this website trying to get ahold of some of my old writing, and found this, a literal blessing. thank you. wow.
Trixie was such a badass. I think she was fantastic.
The lesson of the day is: "Don't scam a scammer!"
Trixie is well aware of the type of game she plays!
9233252
That brings to mind a funny idea, if this guy somehow sent a call to the equestria girls side of the mirror, the their is a chance he could end up calling his parallel self.
Never thought I would ever say this, but Trixie is best pony.
I really want Sunset to be visiting Twi or something and get one of these.
Shinning or Cadence, as they should fall under their in tax law, might be fun. If only to see what Flurry might do to him.
.......damn
9233579
That would make for a fitting finale!
Would the real Legit Tax Collector stand up?
Trixie, you astound me!
9233323
And the mortal incarnation of Discord's mother, Entropy itself.
So Trixie abuses a loop hole in the tax system? And I figured Starlight lists her a dependent on HER taxes! And how did Trixie become so good at tax law?! So Trixie is basically a hobo? If she has no income, doesn't that legally mean she gets welfare checks? Andrew Rybread would have called her a parasite!
Let us take a moment to thank Megan Williams for imparting humanity's wisdom upon the simple pony folk in the early eras of their history, enabling them to skip over several ugly bits of human history. :-)
9233252
US tax law currently taxes income from foreign sources, so you still get taxed if you live overseas unless you relinquish citizenship.
I hope one day he will call Thorax or Ember.
...
did she just rules-lawyer the scammer?
Trixie must have learned a thing or two about legalese when she was prosecuting Rainbow Dash. I like it.
9233252
Depends on the Equestrian tax law. Americans are required to pay taxes no matter where they are. It's especially terrifying for people born and raised elsewhere by one American parent. They suddenly get spammed by the IRS, even though they have never been to America in their life.
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I have no idea what all those laws are and how she knew exactly where they were in the book... oh right
i.imgflip.com/10lydd.jpg
Dang, that was good!
This makes WAY too much sense, it's almost sad.
I loved this take on Trixie.
First off I didn't know this was still going, cool!
Secondly I thought at the beginning that Trixie might actually fall for it, at least for a while.
Nope! Lol
Huh, that was unexpected but nonetheless, hilarious and awesome, nice job Trixie!
Wow. Nice move there, Trixie. :)
Butiful, I was wondering when someone was going to pull out a law book of some sort.
Scammer: You owe xxxx
Trixie: *throws the tax codes at the scammer*
[Scammer has left the server]
9316103
Actually surprised a bit. The one time I've gotten that scam call the scammer provided their identification number unasked. (It obviously wasn't valid, and their interesting choice of phonetic alphabet happened to rule out any previous military or civil service in any primarily English-speaking country, but it was a nice touch.) But this operation seems to be single person anyway.
9233252
Depends so much on which Sunset and how much time she has to kill. And how bad a day she's had.
9233905
I'd normally be wondering whether most versions of Equestria even do welfare in the form of money (with the right production surpluses and logistics, a legal income might be less about having food, shelter and medical care and more about having any control over the specifics of those and being able to do what the mark on your butt is insisting you should), but this is Trixie. Could easily be a pride thing, or just that the government has trouble catching up to her.
9233246
She's not evading, she's avoiding.
The second one is completely legal.