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Go, Johnny, Go985 words

Go, Johnny, Go

She wisely didn’t shake its hand, as he was in fact, on fire.

“Woops, sorry ‘bout that, chere.” He held up his right limb, revealing a green claw that snapped once and a green rain cloud appeared over his head. A second later, The cloud began raining a yellow liquid, extinguishing the flames he’d been engulfed in. He snapped his fingers a second time and an empty glass appeared in his hand which quickly filled with what appeared to be lemonade.

When it was full, the cloud disappeared, and the creature swigged down the whole glass, ice cube hailstones and all. He then stuffed the glass into his mouth and began crunching on it. Speaking with his mouth full, he continued, “Well, Ah cain’t meet new friends dressed like this. ‘Scuse me a moment, ami mare? To Narnia!”

A magnificent oaken wardrobe appeared behind him and he promptly dashed into it, shutting the door behind him. It rattled around a few seconds before he emerged wearing an Army-green vest, camo pants tucked into heavy black boots and topped off with a black beret. “Non, it feels too... gung-ho for me.”

The second time, he exited wearing a bandanna and trenchcoat over a purple bodysuit. “Ugh, to wear this in public would be a real gambit!”

The third time he confessed his homosexuality, he was simply wearing a wifebeater and blue jeans. “This one might fit the bill! Non, non, c’est terrible.”

The final time, he emerged wearing a brown leather vest over overalls and a green T-shirt that matched his eyes. Seeming satisfied, he exclaimed, “Tres bien! These duds’r purdier than a Southern belles floppy hat!”

He held out his hand and introduced himself again. “Now, as Ah said before, mah name’s Carmichael Pic De LaFolie, and Ah’m a human male! What’s yer name?”

“Um, Twili-”

“Shhhhhushshshsh....” He held a finger to her lips, and glanced at her flanks. For some reason, they were bare. “Ah sense a disturbance in the force.”

He disappeared into a puff of smoke. And reappeared ten feet away. “Oops.”

Then disappeared again and reappeared at Sweet Apple Acres, right before the stallion he knew to be Big Macintosh. The half-breed was in pony form, his mane striped with the different colors of his hair and his eyes different colors, and rather than a pony tail, he still had his lions tail. His coat was a dark brown and his cutie mark was eight arrows... You know what? It looks like this.

Pretty cool, huh? Anyway, he approached Big Mac and introduced himself. “Hi! Mah name’s Carmichael, and Ah’m really bad at makin’ up disguises. Like, seriously, anybody who had even an inklin’ of what Ah normally look like would be able to tell who Ah was. But since you don’t, is Applejack around?”

“Nope.” The stallion replied sadly.

“Do you perhaps know where she is?”

“Eeyup.”

“Can you tell me?”

“Eeyup.” The burly stallion pointed in a general westerly direction.

“Still in Manehattan, huh? That ain’t a good sign.” He rubbed his chin with a hoof, before he heard someone that sounded suspiciously like Tabitha St. Germain.

“Big Macintosh! I finished mucking out the pig pens! I just wanted to thank you for the job again, you and your family kept me off the streets!” None other than Rarity walked up, mane tied up and dirt on her hooves. Carmichaels eyes widened.

“And that’s an even worse one.”

He disappeared again in an explosion of glitter. Rarity fainted dramatically. Mac looked surprised for roughly a second before shaking his head and muttering, “Bin’ workin too hard Ah s’pose”

Carmichael visited the rock farm of Pinkie Pie’s childhood. She was still there, turning rocks with her sisters.

He visited Cloudsdale, only to find Rainbow Dash working as the instructor of a Junior Speedsters troop, which, in case you didn’t know, is the mathematical antithesis of a Wonderbolt.

And finally, he visited Fluttershy’s grave.

It was in a beautiful meadow below Cloudsdale, surrounded by butterflies and bunnies and beavers and squirrels. The comically simple gravestone said:

Here lies Fluttershy

She could hardly fly

Carmichael frowned. There isn’t much you can do but frown when you see Fluttershy’s grave, except maybe cry. But after that, there are a lot of things you can do, especially when you’re a reality-bending sorcerer like Carmichael. For example, you could snap your fingers and summon the DeLorean from the depths of the multiverse.

“Scooch over, Einstein! Ah’m drivin’”

“Bark!”

To Twilight Sparkle, only a few seconds had passed, because that’s how time travel works. She was still standing there, trying to figure out what the H E Double Candy Canes was going on, when she heard a rumbling noise. Then a bright flash blinded her and the DeLorean skidded to a halt in front of her, leaving its trademark twin trails of fire

The stylish silver car opened and out stepped Carmichael, wearing a plaid shirt under a mustard coat. He was also wearing some sort of silver sunglasses and appeared distressed.

“Twilight!” He grabbed the confused lavender pony by the shoulders. “You’ve gotta come back with me!”

“What? Where?”

“Back... to the future!”

“The future? Why, what happens in the future?” Her eyes widened with sudden clarity. “Does Nightmare Moon return?”

Carmichael thought for a moment. “Well, technically, but this isn’t about that! It’s about your friends, Twilight, something’s gotta be done about your friends!”

“But, I don’t have any-” She was interrupted by being forcefully dragged into the car. She found herself in the seat beside the creature and a big dog in between them.

“Carmichael, Where are you taking me?”

“Roads? Where we’re going we don’t need...” He flipped his glasses down. “Roads.”

“What?”

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BattleSwine

BattleSwine #1 · Jan 20th, 2013 · · ·

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An update? I'm REALLY sorry about the wait, guys. My computer got screwed up and not only did I lose all my progress on all of my fics, but I couldn't access any of my writing software. I switched to google docs, and got my comp fixed, so now here we are. In addition, I've decided that, for the sake of this fic, I'm going to make the chapters shorter, allowing me to update more often. Hopefully.

junkers1337

junkers1337 #2 · Jan 20th, 2013 · 4 · ·

The feels I get from this story is like that of a cat in outer space. I have no idea which way i'm going.

PickleSurprise

PickleSurprise #3 · Jan 20th, 2013 · 5 · ·

This has to be the greatest fucking thing ever! I haven't the slightest clue but i was laughing at just about all of it...except the part about Fluttershys grave that put the feels low. But damn did you bring it back with the Back to the Future! I shall favorite this!