Virgil

by Tropical Octave

Episode 3: "Humility"

Life is a long lesson in humility. ~James M. Barrie

Humility

"Virgil, we're totally bucked! There's no way we're getting out of this one alive!"

"Relax man, I've got this. Besides, what's the worst that could happen?"

"Shelly's going to kill me ten times over for this! And worst of all, it's all your fault! Oh thank Celestia I already wrote my will..."

"Nopony is going to die over a little accident Spike, just give me time. I'll think of something...wait, am I in your will?"

"Little!?!"

Virgil

Mere moments after the previous chapter...

"Oh buck, oh buck, oh buck! Virgil!" Spike swore under his breath, now pointing a scaly claw at the dog-pony across from him. "He knows you were the one who stole his b-bacon!"

Virgil, with his ever-endearing sense of problem solving, shrugged off the missile of an accusation."Relax mate, I mean come on, what's the worst he could do?" Virgil soothed, trying to calm the fired-up dragon to his side. Spike was now on floor, sobbing as he wondered if his 'eating of the bacon' secret has yet to be compromised to Twilight.

"H-he could, umm," Spike thought fervidly, compiling a list of all the possible things an angry, carnivorous gryphon could do to his...friend. "He'd drag you back to his tent, throwing you into a boiling cauldron of fire! He'd stick an apple in your mouth and--"

"SPIKE!" Virgil shouted, slapping Spike clear across the face with a fore-hoof. "Get a hold of yourself man! This is no time to start spouting nonsensical gibberish!"

Spike's expression quickly turned from one of fear to horror. "B-b-but-"

Virgil's lips peeled up, chuckling slightly at the otherwise dire situation. "No buts! Besides, I'm sure that our good friend Caelum Aethra doesn't know a thing. After all, when's the last time you heard a gryphon do anything?

"That's incredibly racist. But I suppose he might not know about the bacon," The mail-drake whined, now tapping a claw to his chin. "Fine. But please, Virgil, promise me you'll stay downstairs. Even if I'm going crazy, I don't need the neighbors dog taking the blame for all this."

"You slimy salamander, you do care about me! C'mere buddy!" Virgil shouted, leaping forwards to wrap Spike in an embrace.

Spike's eyes shot open as the dog-pony leaped onto his chest. "Virgil! Get off of me!" The dragon shouted, although in vain. The dog-pony was already upon him, licking his face and ears.

Fortunately for Spike, Virgil wasn't particularly fond of licking scales. Hopping off the violet scaled dragon, Virgil made an audible "Bleagh!" before helping him up. "Gah, buck! You don't taste nearly as good as you smell, mate."

"Wait, what?"

Putting on a poker face --albeit terrible-- Virgil laughed. "I said I can't believe bacon tasted that good, how about you Spike-master-scaly-scale?"

"Never. Again." Spike said sighing, leading into a face-claw. "And that nickname is horrid. Come up with something better before you-- WAIT!" The dragon shouted, remembering just how bad the situation he'd gotten into. "Virgil! Caelum Aethra is right upstairs!"

Virgil sat down on the couch before speaking. "Like i give a buck," The dog-pony started, noticing Spike's face turn a lighter shade of purple. "I'm sure I could take him in a fight. Well, maybe if I had a big stick..."

"Oh Celestia, just stop. You're not helping in the slightest! I don't know why you insist on not caring about your own life. This gryphon's probably killed ponies for half as much!"

Virgil raised a forehoof to oppose, but instead lowered it as he got to his hooves. "Spike," He started, now clasping his forehooves around Spike's face. "Listen to me. I may look like I'm just waiting for my life to present itself on a silver platter, but believe me, I know it won't. The fact is, Spike, that life sucks. Especially for someone in your situation. Imagine a pegasus without her wings, what would she be?"

"I, uhh...An Earth pony?"

Virgil once again slapped Spike. "You're an idiot, but you're my idiot. If you ever want to claim life as your own, you need to do it why you still can. Maybe," Virgil said, drifting off into space. "Maybe I'll get that red dot someday..."

The two sat silent for awhile before Spike spoke up. "Wow. That's pretty deep, Virgil. You know, for a figment of my imagination, you're pretty philosophical."

Virgil politely bowed his head. "I try my hardest. Remember, mate. Life is what you make it. Now get up there and give that nasty gryphon a tongue lashing!"

"Aaaaaand it's gone."

"What do you mean it's gone?" Virgil said smiling. "It'll never go away. Now go on, your mom's waiting for you."

Spike, before heading upstairs, held out his talons. "Bro-hoof?"

"Bro-hoof." And with that, the two pounded claw and hoof together.

Spike thought to himself about the seriousness of the situation he was getting himself into. Virgil's life was on the line, yet he remained so...optimistic. Right upstairs, even as they spoke, was Caelum Aethra. One of the most powerful of diplomats in the gryphon republic. And he was talking to Twilight. And...Shelly.

"Spike! Are you coming or not!?" Twilight yelled yet again, causing the dragon to turn his head 180 degrees in the direction of Twilight's motherly, yet stern shout.

"Yeah! Just a minute!"

"You said that ten minutes ago! Quit talking to your neighbors dog and get up here!" Twilight finished, shutting the door fast, but not quickly enough to slam it.

"Sheesh, mares huh?" Chuckled Virgil, patting Spike on the back. "Go get em' tiger! Erm, dragon."

"Yeah, I will go get em'! I'm a tiger! A dragon tiger! A dragon with tiger blood!" Spike said to himself, getting ready to take on the possible evil that lie in wait upstairs.

Looking back one last time, he noticed Virgil was cracking open yet another can of cider. That, however, could wait.

"One problem at a time..."

Turning his head back towards the mission at hand, Spike gently creaked open the door at the top of the stairs. Peeking through, he could see a mighty obsidian-colored gryphon, followed by a dreamy eyed Twilight. Lastly, Shelly Shores sat somewhat bewildered at the political babble currently being exchanged between the others.

"Oh thank Celestia, it's just some harmless discussion. Politics are fun, I guess." Spike whispered to himself. However, instead of barging right in, Spike decided to listen in for a few minutes.

"But Twilight, my dear. This little autocracy you've got going, it's very, very fragile. What if your beloved princess were ever to, oh I don't know, crack? The mind of a ruler is put on enough stress to last one lifetime, never mind a hundred, yes?" Said the gryphon ambassador, sitting at the far end of Twilight's kitchen table. "Surely you see my point in why a democracy is a much more stable form of government?"

Even after the ambassador's points, Twilight merely waved a hoof. "Caelum, please. Our princess Celestia has always been a fair and just ruler. Besides, democracies are far too corruptible. While you may have more say in your government, aren't you worried just a little that a certain few wealthy individuals are controlling you? I've always believed that democracies are just big puppeteer acts. It's a good, solid show with fancy lights and dancing figures, but there's always someone higher up controlling you. Yes?" Countered Twilight.

Just a Caelum got to his claws, Spike opened the door from which he'd been hiding behind. For one, he'd heard enough political testimonials to fill the Canterlot courts with. Two, he knew when Twilight had gotten herself too deep in these conversations. Especially when it's with a staunch democratic gryphon ambassador.

"H-hey everypony! Sorry I took so long, Virgil was keeping me busy downstairs and," Spike realized he'd forgotten to think of an acceptable lie to get out of talking to his neighbor's dog. "Uhh, well, you know dogs, right? Heh." Spike choked out, crossing his talons behind his back, hoping the three bought his fabrication.

Twilight looked up from Caelum, smirking. "It's about time! I thought you fell up the stairs or something! Come on over and meet the great Caelum Aethra! Democratic ambassador of the gryphon people! May his stubbornness be ever in your favor..." Twilight beamed, holding both forehooves in the direction of the jet black ambassador.

Spike looked from Twilight's to Shelly's to Caelum's eyes, noticing how very different all three of them must have been feeling at the time. While Twilight seemed delighted --albeit a little strained-- the ambassador seemed unnaturally relaxed. And then there was Shelly. She looked as if she was ready to split down the middle out of confusion.

"His excellency, Spike." The dragon said smiling, holding out a hand in the direction of Caelum. "It's an honor." Spike managed to finish, a moment away from being nudged by Twilight. Ouch! What was that for Twi?"

Twilight laughed a nervous, desperate laugh, closing her eyes as she nodded her head. "Forgive him, Caelum. Spike, and only Spike, is quite the prankster. He--"

Caelum interjected before Twilight could finish. "Please, Ms. Sparkle. Clearly Spike was only trying to lighten the mood. After all, we've already scared one guest to silence," Caelum looked to Shelly with smile, who then nodded her head and smiled back. "Besides, I myself am quite the prankster at times," The ambassador looked back to Spike and winked. "But I always make sure not to let my pranks go too far. And, in case you haven't picked up on it yet, the name's Caelum Aethra, and I'm the head of the Democratic Push Movement in Equestria. It's a pleasure to meet you, His Excellency." Caelum finished, extending a talon of his own.

Spike and Caelum's talons met, shaking twice before releasing. "Thank you, sir."

The ambassador frowned for half a second before turning up a simple smile. "Enough with the formalities, we're all knowledgeable people here. Come, Spike. Take a seat. Maybe you can help me win over Ms. Sparkle's mind to the democratic light, yes?" Caelum finished with a hearty laugh, noting how fast Twilight got to her hooves.

"Now just you wait a second! Spike's my son, therefore he's on my side. Right Spike?" Twilight said, hugging the dragon as he sat with bewilderment.

Before speaking, the mail-drake cleared his throat. "Actually, I favor more of a communism than either of those."

The jaws of Caelum and Twilight made an audible thud as they hit the surface of the table. Meanwhile, Shelly burst out in a fit of laughter.

"Snnnkt, bwahahaha! Nice job Spike! You really put those two in their place!" Shelly exclaimed, hugging herself to keep in the giggles. "That just made my day!"

Now laughing at Shelly's side, the two looked from each other to the disgruntled politicians across the table.

"Hurr durr, good one Spike. How about you take your neighbor's dog for a walk? He's probably starting to get cabin fever down in the basement." Twilight said coolly, shifting her gaze between Spike and Shelly. "Meanwhile Caelum, Shelly, and I will continue our discussion on the future of our species'. Right everypony?"

With a light cough, Shelly Shores nervously spoke up. "Actually, I'd like to get some air too. N-not that I don't like politics and talking in circles or anything, heh." The midnight purple unicorn said, smiling as politely as possible.

Caelum tapped a claw to his feathery beard. "I suppose. The both of you will be missed," The gryphon ambassador said, moving a claw to Spike's back and leaning into his right ear. "Go easy on her, yes?"

Now it was Spike's turn to go wide-eyed. Taking an uneasy step towards the basement door, Spike smiled back at his cohorts before hearing Caelum speak up. "For democracy's sake!"

With those words, Spike retreated to the library's basement.

Like a sir, Spike sauntered down the stairs to where Virgil was presumably waiting.

"Virgil? You still alive down here? I haven't heard a noise from the basement since I went upstairs." Spike asked aloud, looking around the corner of the staircase. Now in the basement foyer, Spike could see Virgil sitting as still as a statue. "V-Virgil? You okay buddy?"

Instead of turning around, the dog-pony merely stared at the wall in front of him. "Ooooh Spike. Everything's fiiiiine. Everything except for one, teensy, tineesy thing..."

"W-what's that?" Spike asked, fearing the worst. Spike'd noticed how Virgil's tone had gotten notably mellower.

Virgil turned around and blew a smog-white smoke ring into spike's face. "Well ya see, my glaucoma was acting up, and you had some of Doc Flutters' Quality just lying around..."

Spike faceclawed. "Virgil, what the buck is wrong with you?"

"I think the question is, what's wrong with you mate? I'll forgive and forget, before I'm paralyzed. Do I have to keep up the pace, to keep you satisfied?" Virgil sing-said.

"Cute. C'mon, let's go get you some air. We can talk about your little discovery later."

As Spike helped the bag-of-bricks known as Virgil to his feet, he couldn't help but think how ell the meeting with Caelum went. It's not often that he gets into situations like that, and even less often that he gets out in one piece.

"Heh, I guess everything went better than expected..."

"Well, you did have my help." Virgil said through staggered breaths. "You couldn't do anything without old uncle Virgil's help..."

"Shut up."

---

After the episode...

"Hey Spike, you know how you have that horrible problem with mares?" Quizzed Virgil, sitting on the edge of Spike's living room couch, all the while toting a pipe and monocle.

Spike immediately got to his feet. "I don't have a problem with mares! Besides, I'm sure that I'm better with mares then you! You're a dog!"

Virgil merely chuckled. "But mate, you don't understand. The fact that I'm a dog only makes me better with them." The dog-pony exclaimed cheerily, putting his hind legs up on the table. "The mares love me...can you say the same?"

With a deep sigh, Spike hung his head as he looked down at the floor. "Virgil, I have a confession to make."

"And what, pray tell, is that?" Asked Virgil, leaning in.

"I, Spike the dragon, have a crush on...Rarity."

"Beg your pardon mate?"

Spike cleared his throat. "I said; I have a crush on Rarity..."

Virgil sneezed, coughing all over the brownies in front of them. "I'm terribly sorry, but if you want me to know who your crush is, you've got to speak up. huh Spikey-Wikey?"

"I said I have a crush on Rarity!" Yelled the exasperated drake, startling the companion at his side.

"Whoa ho ho, Rarity huh? I tell you, that's about as impossible a crush as you one can ask for," Virgil said whistling. "What about her, or more specifically, what not about her fancied your eye?"

"She, she's the best. Rarity's always there when you need her, she's spectacular in every way, she's the living element of generosity, not to mention she's easy on the eyes, Spike droned, not noticing Virgil's lack of attention. "Wait, are you even listening to me?"

Virgil's snout turned back towards Spike's face, leaving the butterfly to his business. "Sorry, say that last part again? Something about flying and the color purple?"

Face-clawing, Spike stood from the couch. "Buck you Virgil, every time I try to confess something to you, you always get distracted!" Spike said, now reaching for the butterfly. "I mean for Tartarus's sake, a butterfly? Really"

Virgil smiled coyly. "Well, to be honest Spike, I heard everything you said. I just want to mess with you. You know, keep the wheels turnin'. If I let you think I paid attention to every word, would you have so ferociously defended that mare?"

"W-well, no, i guess--"

"Exactly. I just wanted to see if you really liked her. I'm glad to see that you're still involved in the dating game, Spike. Good on ya."

Spike put a claw to his chin before responding. "You know what Virgil. Thanks."

"Your welcome."

"Thanks for teaching me that I should never speak from the heart to you again." Spike said, waving a claw at Virgil as he left the room.

"Wait! Spike, come back! I didn't mean it, well, maybe I did, but that's not the case! Well, maybe it is, but it's irrelevant!" Virgil shouted, trailing after the fuming, sarcastic dragon.

Comments

[Tropical Octave]

Intermission over, time to get back in the game

[PrometheusDark]

Fun times, it seems.~

So, Virgil is based on that show you got the theme from, correct? Is it good?

[Tropical Octave]

1616635 Oh heck yes, it's an amazing story about the philosophical questions that haunt us day to day. also, comedy!
There's an American & an Australian version, but this one's based off of the american story line. I highly recommend checking it out

[PrometheusDark]

1616655

Heh, sounds like an idea. I certainly will!

[tragicCaligula]

"Maybe, Maybe... I'm still going to eat ya."
-Wilfred