Never Enough Pie

by theworstwriter

Never Enough Pie

Rainbow Dash lay sprawled out on top of a fluffy little cloud, gently drifting over Ponyville. She snored softly, lost in yet another peaceful nap. Until she was hit in the flank by a flying pie tin.

“Huhwha?”

“Sorry ‘bout that, Rainbow!”

Dash lazily rolled off the edge of the cloud and fell toward the ground. As she approached, her eyes slowly fluttered open. Just before impact, she slowed to a nearly complete stop and landed gently next to Applejack’s stall in the market.

“Wowzers Dashie! How did you do that?” Pinkie asked, bouncing excitedly.

“Oh, you know, just being awesome. Now what’s happening? Why’d you guys wake me up?”

“Was an accident, and Ah’m real sorry. Pinkie was just passin’ by an Ah wanted to give a friendly hello.”

Pinkie continued to bounce. “And she did, and then I turned to say hi, and then I tripped over something! I don’t know what it was because I wasn’t watching where I was going because I was saying hi to Applejack.”

“So why am I awake?”

“Ooh, I know this one! Pick me! Pick me!”

Rainbow Dash pointed hoof at Pinkie.

“Because I was getting a bunch of new pie tins to bring back to the bakery, and when I tripped something blew up and launched all the stuff I was carrying!”

“You carry explosives?” Dash asked.

“Not explosives. Party supplies!”

Applejack raised an eyebrow. “Party supplies... that explode?”

“Explode is such a mean word... how about ‘pop’ instead? That’s nicer and sounds like a lot more fun. I don’t want to explode, but I might want to pop. It would probably make a great dance move!”

“Whatever you say, Pinkie Pie. Since I’m up anway, I guess I’m gonna go move some clouds. See you guys later, okay?”

“Bye Dashie!”

“Later, Rainbow.”

The pegasus shot off like a rocket, quickly finding herself exactly where she needed to be. As she was about to get to work, something pink caught her attention. Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted what appeared to be a bouncing pink pony juggling cupcakes. Work could wait.

She landed next to the pony in question, and it was undoubtedly Pinkie Pie. And she WAS juggling cupcakes, much to the amusement of the foals seated in front of her.

“... and THAT’S why these cupcakes are the most tastiest cupcakes around! Hi Dashie!”

“Pinkie, what are you doing over here?”

“What do you mean, Dashie? Can’t you see I’m making smiles? These cupcakes-” Pinkie stopped talking and started vibrating rapidly. Her entire body was jiggling about with small, uniform shakes. She would jump an inch to the left, and then a step to the right, without ever actually moving a muscle. She didn’t even stay on the ground. After several seconds of the strange motions, they stopped. “You SAW!”

“Saw what? I was just going to ask you-”

Pinkie gasped. “You SAW!” She gasped again. “YOU KNOW! We have to go right now Dashie! You probably have a lot of questions. BORING questions!”

“Pinkie, I just want to know what-”

“There’s no time! You’re boring already! We have to hurry to the basement underneath Sugarcube Corner!”

Pinkie grabbed Dash and galloped away, leaving the cupcakes she had been juggling to fall to the ground and the foals to blink confusedly in the direction they had gone.

---------------------------------------------------

The door clicked shut behind Dash and her eyes grew wide as she scanned the room. It was... cold. Clinical, almost. But everywhere she looked, there were gleaming metallic items she couldn’t identify. Some were small and looked like tools. Some were large enough that you could fit a pony inside them. This didn’t look like the basement of a bakery, and it definitely didn’t look like anything Pinkie would be involved in.

“What is this place, Pinkie?”

“Hmm... I dunno what most ponies would call it. I just call it my Fun Room.”

“Your Fun Room? This doesn’t look very fun to me.”

“Silly Dashie. Have a walk around Ponyville. Look at all the ponies sighing about how boring things are. Like the ponies in the market! They have to sit there all day, and only ever get to do anything exciting when a customer shows up. Doesn’t that just make you super sad? Don’t you ever need to do something about it?”

“I just... I don’t get it, Pinkie. What does any of that have to do with... THIS?” Dash asked, waving her hooves wildly to indicate the many strange and unusual things around them. “And why did you have to take me down here?”

“Because, you silly filly... you KNOW. Or at least, I thought you did. But if you didn’t before, you sure do now!” Pinkie said with a wicked grin on her face.

“This is kinda confusing... what do I know, what does it have to do with all the ponies around town, and why are we here?”

Pinkie placed a hoof on Dash’s shoulder and smiled wide. “All those sad ponies need to be fixed, so I take care of the problem. But it’s hard work keeping such a big secret. Now that you know, I need to take care of you, too!”

Dash knocked her hoof away and stepped back. “Pinkie, you’re not making any sense! What in the HAY is going on, and what are you going to do to me?”

“Hmm... what ARE we going to do?” Pinkie asked.

A giggle slithered out of the darkness behind Rainbow Dash. “The same thing we do to everypony, Pinkie.”

Dash whirled around to get a glimpse of the pony behind her, but saw only empty space. She let out a breath she hadn’t been aware she was holding and turned back around. Her jaw hit the floor when she saw not one, but TWO Pinkie Pies, both grinning like madmares.

“We’re going to throw you... A PARTY!”

An explosion of streamers and confetti caked the walls of the room in festive debris while the wheels in Dash’s brain spun in place, desperate but unable to gain any traction.

“You... but there’s... I... what?”

“We throw ponies parties to cheer them up!”

“I KNOW THAT! WHY ARE THERE TWO OF YOU?”

“Oh there are a lot more than two of us,” one of the Pinkies said.

“What? But... WHY? HOW?”

“Do you know how many ponies there are in Ponyville, Dashie? A LOT. That’s how many. I can’t throw ALL of them parties all by myself, so I decided I needed help. It’s still really hard! Even with the cloning machine, there’s never enough Pie.”

Comments

[Lucefudu]

At first I was like
But then
AND THEN
But in the end, it all turned out

[Professor Coruptus]

56963
What he/she said.

[Lucefudu]

56971
I'm a guy, mind you

[ARBPW]

Nice! A few little gramar errors I spotted in the first part, but I liked it. Nice work

[Mist]

The ending feels abrupt, unnaturally abrupt.

Also I frown upon the obvious Cupcakes reference... The story builds suspense by referencing another story, and a stupid story at that...

[Eustatian Wings]

Kudos for writing to the weekly prompt. The problem with prompt-writing is sometimes it's good and sometimes it's very bad. This one falls in the middle.

The Cupcakes reference underdelivers. The build-up in the original promises that Pinkie is going to do things to Rainbow Dash, things either unspeakably horrible or wonderful. (And we know where that fic goes, sadly.) To put it bluntly: Cupcakes-spinoff => gore, clop, or GITFO.

Otherwise, it's decent. Decently in character, decent execution -- flaws in both, but not show-stoppers. I'm willing to write them up, but I I recommend trying again with the next prompt, rather than revising this one. You have to get lucky, and I think you're better off going with something else.

[theworstwriter]

57117
The ending is pretty abrupt. The only thing I knew for sure I was going to do with this was go for the cloning machine to justify that last line, and as soon as I got there I had nothing left. 'Prompt successfully met, now what?'

As for referencing cupcakes, I disagree that it's fundamentally a bad idea. It's a known quantity that quite a lot of readers are aware of, so it's an easy way to build their expectations. However...

58679
This.

This particular story does fail to deliver an adequate cupcakes load. I ALSO disagree with the thought that a cupcakes payoff must be gore or clop. I think it's entirely possible to subvert it with humor. That said, I didn't do that very well here since the story just sort of... stopped.

All in all, this was a pretty dismal failure of a story. I wasn't going to upload it here, but I was urged to by some folks in a chat and figured it couldn't hurt. If nothing else, it was a learning experience about writing for a prompt.

[Mist]

58843 So is 2 girls 1 cup, but if I base a video on that it'll only be to attract cheap shock value. My expectations when I see Cupcakes spin offs: "This story will be even worse (quality wise) than Cupcakes. The effect you were looking for could have easily been acquired without the need of Cupcakes. We should all stop living in the past, and get on with the future. Cupcakes was good for a few cheap laughs and minor shock value, but it's time to do something original now and put that mediocre excuse of a story behind us all. The only ones moved by Cupcakes anymore are those without any kind of creative or complex thinking.

I put you as one of my followed writers as I saw a story of yours that showed a lot of promise and creativity, but now it seems like every story you produce disappoints me more and more. Not to say I could do much better, but my expectations are really shot down further and further it seems whenever you post your opinion about a review as well. You're too good and creative to be relying on pathetic shock value like Cupcakes. I've seen the ability to create an in depth concept that can really hook an intelligent reader and make them think and thirst for more. I know that you can go beyond just attracting the casual, not looking for anything award winning, not really an analyzer kind of reader. You have the ability and talent to progress, but you lack the motivation. You're very talented and I don't want to say that I have accepted that this is the writing you're destined to produce because I know you have the ability to do so much more. A writer must ask themselves: What's more important? Getting noticed, or making something truly worth being proud of? Twilight has sold millions of copies and is regarded as one of the most hated books in the world, and takes advantage of the lowest of intelligence audience for quick sales. How do YOU want to be remembered as writer? The one who always took the path of popularity? Or the one who tried something new and bold?

[theworstwriter]

58930
I was going to put a REALLY long comment here, but I can't seem to get it to come out right, so I'll just do three short things.

1) I'm flattered that you think I have talent, but I don't. My work speaks for itself, and clearly illustrates this.
2) I am not grabbing for popularity, and it hurts me when people accuse me of this. My most successful story took no effort, and although it's likely I could easily replicate its success with more stories that borrow their plots from the standard sitcom format, I'm not doing that right now because that's not what I want to write. Equestria Daily rejected one of my works and gave two types of feedback. They pointed out execution changes that would make it more powerful, and they pointed out conceptual changes they think would work better for most readers. I refused to make the second set of changes, and have given up attempting to get that story published because of this. I chose to present the story in the way I did because I feel it gives the ending a bigger impact, and I stood my ground. I chose not to change it for the sake of more readers. I may not have much, but I'd like to think I have integrity.
3) I care about the opinions of people who can construct intelligent feedback, like you. I think I understand where your disappointment with my stories is coming from (especially after this one) but can't see what I've done outside of my stories to lower myself. If it's not too much trouble, I'd like to get more specific information from you regarding what I have said in my opinions of reviews that you feel makes me less deserving of respect. That's not to say that I am NOT less deserving of respect, but if that is the case I'd like to know why.

[Mist]

59075 Out of respect I'd prefer not to do so in the comments of your stories, as I feel this should be kept strictly for this story. I do think you are a decent person and I hold no malice towards you for your written works. I am however an incredibly hard to please critic, and this I know.

I think it'd be beneficial for the both of us to speak about this in private rather than for everyone to see.

[Cloudiest Nights]

Never read Cupcakes and now I think this is the closest I'll ever get to it...

[FanOfMostEverything]

This has gained a whole new level of relevance after Too Many Pinkie Pies. Way to kind of sort of call it.

[Themaskedferret]

56963 what he said XD

[LittleSallyDigby]

I love that Pinkie Pie can make the word "BORING" sound exciting. Well done there.

[OmbreEtNuit]

I read too much Creepypasta, I though Pinkie was gonna knock her unconscious and then kill her