Sean Retro
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Ehh... This story has its flaws... MANY flaws but it seems a bit interesting.
Eh. I don't see why he's complaining. He did just get his horn sucked by Chrysalis.
Grammar is a thing.
I think you meant consolation. I'm not going to read this to find out.
926417
Yeah, I think grammar is going to be the main problem for me.
Ignoring all of the grammatical errors and whatnot that have already been pointed out: Not too shabby. I laughed pretty hard at "It was the only way to make him shut up."
956990
I laughed as well when I was typing it.
Looks like the only means of escape for him is to gather a group of fellow prisoners,plan to bust out with them while learning how to handle filth and possibly fall in love with a random tough female Zebra who he will have Zebracorn foals with in the end.....
What? I know I'm not the only one who'd want to see a unicorn baby with stripes.
Hope he gets out of their fast as he can.
There are still some grammar issues but there is a group you can join called "looking for editors" with people who can potentially help you.
As for the story itself, you have a lot of room to take it where ever you want it to go. Charzoid's comment is one, but I see another direction too. I can easily see this as a psychological horror with Chrysalis slowly making Blueblood lose his sanity. With no means of escape or rescue (after all who wants to rescue 'Bluejerk'? Certainly not the Royal Guards or anyone for that matter), and with prisoners dying or killing themselves, and maybe some other things happening, I can totally see Blueblood begin to lose it. Then somewhere along the way he develops Stockholm Syndrome and starts to "love" Chrysalis, because she acts like she loves him too, as a means of dealing with his losing sanity.
However, it's your story so it can go where ever you want it to go.
Oh, and poor Gilda... May she rest peacefully in their stomachs.
1201773
Thanks for letting me know about that group.
A lot can happen in this, since this has different endings everyone may get what they want.
Gilda got what’s coming to her after all she made Fluttershy cry for no good reason.
The Changelings are so the Wraith from Stargate Atlantis.
seems alright, but you hare an error on this chapter
Should be “Soon Blueblood, very soon you’ll be all mine. I’ll just toy with you a bit more.” Just pointing out, best regards
1293107
Thanks
Creepy stuff indeed. Gotta feel sorry for Blueblood now, seems silly to have Chrysalis put him in the room to only have him be more declined to mate with her. Lol oh well, nice update man
1619490
I’m just glad I finally got this chapter up after some hardware issues.
Hmm, quite the ending indeed. Sorry for the late timing one again. Been busy with my own things
interesting so far.