• Member Since 8th Jul, 2017
  • offline last seen Nov 30th, 2023

BoredAuthor817


I'm bored, so I write...

T

Sunset Shimmer is on a mission to find her human counterpart. Dead ends leave her frustrated and her friends worried.

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 9 )

The feels:raritydespair: but it makes a lot of sense

Well this story idea certainly isn't a bad one but I really think you need an editor because I spotted quite a few grammatical mistakes.

This is getting good.

I really liked this, could have been longer though. It seems like Applejack might have asked about her parents in Equestria

Fluff story, the fact Applejack was here to hear Sunset makes it better (I know it ain't ship but stories like yours, I'm mad of them ~), even if she's always the character to tie with a family loss in stories, it came out good enough for my liking.

“That's enough, Rarity” warned Applejack.

You accidentally the comma. You also do this quite a few more times, forgetting the punctuation in dialogue.

I'm ready, of you are.

*if

Sunset let out a grin.

I think you meant for that to be "groan"

Granny Smith, lead the way to the attic.

No comma, and that should be "led"

This sounds an awful lot like "RIP human Sunset" to me.

You asked my what I was hoping for?

:trixieshiftleft:

You also still have lots of missing punctuation in your dialogue.

Even though it was fairly obvious human Sunset was dead, this still felt impactful. This was a nice read.

Will there be more?

Well you could take The human sunset's ssn!

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