Ruin
“WELCOME TO EQUESTRIA, REFUGEES”, a sign read at the border line.
Corbin and Jona were ecstatic to finally be into Equestria after years of war in their home nation, Zebraia. They both hugged each other very hard when they got over the border and were met by a kind refugee-helping government worker!
“Hello!” the government worker greeted. “We have a new, amazing house ready for you free of any charge smack down in the middle of an amazing neighborhood!” She smiled very well. “It’s in Ponyville! They will be happy to help all of you out because of the badlands you came from and the harshness of what you had to go through very much!”
Corbin was so happy as they rode the carriage that was lined with red silk to their new housing.
After a very, very, very long ride, they arrived at their new home and the government worker left them at the doorstep.
It was very hard in Zebraia and I’m so happy that they understand that we came here for a better life! Jona thought as her and her brother entered their new house.
It was an amazing house and it was just down the street from the market, the health clinic, and the town’s shops. Despite all of this, Corbin frowned as he rummaged through his fully stocked fridge.
“What’s wrong?” Jona softly bit her lower lip .
Her brother closed the fridge and turned to face her, “I know we just got here and I like it very much, but we don’t have a place to pray and the ponies of this town don’t know about our wonderful religion.”
Jona caught her frown as the realization that he was right hit her, but she forced herself to perk up, “Wait a second!” She said “This town will love to help us out, I’m sure of it! This is not our bad country brother! They will help us build the Mosque and will let us pray! Maybe even join us!”
Corbin was ecstatic at the possibility, “You’re right! Tomorrow we will go build it with all of the nice ponies help!”
----------
In the middle of a dark room in a pony-only part of Ponyville, a masked mare connived with a dozen other ponies in similar garb.
“These zebras are bringing their filth over the border. Meanwhile, our government is just letting them corrupt our society!” Spit shot from between a stallion’s teeth as he bit down to lower his voice. He then slammed his fist on the table. “Their ideas are awful and they will ruin our pure fillies and colts.”
General consensus passed through the room. “We must attack them before they attack us, it’s the only way the pony race will survive!”
The crowd erupted in soft cries of cheers and celebration, knowing that they were right and they were about to save their whole generation from an awful invasion of new Muslim ponies.
----
Is was a bright day in Ponyville as Corbin and Jona both started the construction on the new Mosque. It was to be placed right in the middle of town, next to the market. They visited and received support from the Mayor, who was very kind to them by supply them with the supplies needed and promised to visit once it was completed.
What started out as a project with just his sister and him soon became a town wide project as a large number of the ponies assisted in the construction.
Jona, wearing the traditional burqa, wasn’t able to provide much help, but she was content with talking to the other ponies about the wonders of Allah, praise be upon him, and how she came to spread Allah’s word, praise be upon him, and to deliver peace to their homelands.
Twilight, hearing about the construction of the Mosque, decided to leave her studies behind for a moment to come outside her castle to check out what the buzz was about, and after finding out, to help out.
“Hey there! Are you the new ponies?” Twilight asked as she approached Jona, who was on the ground teaching a dozen fillies and colts the magic of the Quran and Allah, praise be upon him.
She smiled and put the Quran down before straightening her posture as she sat up. The children quickly began to fight over who’s turn it was to read the book before she even turned her attention to Twilight
“I sure am! Thank you for having us!”
Twilight smiled, as she knew the horrors they must have went through. “I’d be very happy to hear about your God and pray with you once the church is comp-”
“It’s called a Mosque,” Jona interrupted, “Also, if you enter the Mosque you must wear a Burqa like I am right now.”
“Oh?” Twilight raised an eyebrow as she looked over Jona. Only Jona’s eyes were visible through a slit in the dark fabric as the rest of her body was covered.
“Yes! It shows respect for our prophet, Allah, praise be upon him!”
“Oh, okay!” Twilight raised a smile once again, “It looks like you could use more hooves though! I’ll start helping!”
With that, Twilight helped finish the construction of the new Mosque. Even Applejack and Pinkie Pie came out for the occasionoccasion Pinkie handed refreshments as Apple Jack drew up plans to improve the Mosque in every possible way.
By the end of the day, the Mosque was completed. Everyone huddled together and marveled at the brilliant new building they all created… together.
It was still mid-day, so Corbin invited them all in for a first prayer session, which they all accepted the offer to join happily. Jona handed out Burqas to the mares and fillies as they all entered the new holy grounds, the Burqas made courtesy of Rarity.
“I’d like to thank you for helping us out with the construction of this new palace to Allah, praise be upon him!” Corbin exclaimed as he stood behind the podium. “We are so happy that we could get the whole town together for this…” tears began to run down his face as he tried to hold back all the emotions coursing through him.
“W-We really thought this place would be different - and it is. You ponies are the best friends we could ever have!”
The whole Mosque lit up with cheers for a solid five minutes as everyone congratulated each other for a job well done.
“Anyway,” Corbin said, wiping his face, “Let’s get started with praye-”
A shrill noise rang out as a carriage came screeching to a halt outside. It had drawn silence from all within the Mosque. Twilight, who was at the time trying to adjust her Burqa to make it feel more comfortable, turned towards the double doors at the front with an brow raised in curiosity.
“Wha-?”
CRASH
The doors were ripped from their hinges, the massive oak construction splintering inwards, showering the ponies inside with splinters and chunks of wood. A horde of ponies wearing black masks and oddly shaped black symbols wrapped around their front left legs.
Twilight’s face turned to a mix of fear and shock as she saw the intruders wielding metal objects such as pipes and bike locks. S-she even saw one in the back carrying a gun…
“No pony move!” The one in the front screamed as she rushed to the front podium. Oddly, Twilight could swear she recognized that voice…
When the masked mare reached the front, she was met with a confused Corbin who only raised his hoof up to ask what was going on. But without a second to react, his face was slammed by a metal bar, causing him to spin away from his attacker and causing him to collapse onto the floor, bleeding from his skull.
The room gasped in unison, and Jona lept out of her seat only to be pushed back by one of the many attackers now guarding the exits.
“Dirty Zebra,” the mare said with a kick to Corbin’s stomach before she turned around and addressed the ponies in the Mosque.
“Fellow ponies of Ponyville, I know you are all scared of the Zebra menace as much as I am! They are an awful ideology and they LEACH from our money! Which is ours!”
Twilight wanted to stand up for what was right… but she couldn’t find the inner strength. She was too afraid of what might happen to her if she resisted against these ponies.
Jona began to sob as the lead pony of the assault kept talking.
“We are here to teach these vermin a lesson on what is the proper way to live in this country. If the government won’t do it, we must take it upon ourselves! We must secure the existence of our people and a future for pony children!” the mare waved her hoof and Twilight watched as the black masked ponies nodded in relative unison and cheers.
Before Twilight knew what was happening, a stallion in the dark garb dragged Jona out of her seat. She tried to fight back against him, but was met with a bike lock to the top of her head. Dazed, she was forcefully dragged out into the hallway.
“These Zebras cause many ATTACKS on our people every day and we must stomp them out once and for all!” The masked pony paused for a second with a short, “ummm.”
“And the reason - umm - you haven’t heard about one yet - ummm - is because, like, the government hasn’t told you, or something. Point of the matter is, pony race is the best and that’s not racist, it’s reality.”
Crying on the floor, Jona was forced to stand as four ponies brought her to her hooves. Her mind was spinning with pain and confusion as to of what she should do. She couldn’t run or hide like she did back in her home country - she could only take the abuse from these masked ponies.
The lead masked mare jumped down from the podium and marched her way to Jona. Without warning, she smacked Jona on the side of her head as hard she could. “That’s for the pony race,” the masked mare exclaimed before spitting on the beaten mare.
That’s it! Twilight thought with her teeth clenched together, I'm not going to sit here and let these monsters destroy this innocent family!
In the blink of an eye, Twilight spread her wings out wide and took to the the air above all of the ponies. With her horn charging a powerful magic blast, she screamed. “Let her go now, you pony filth!”
The masked mare was about to strike Jona again but stopped when she heard Twilight’s declaration. As the mare and her accomplices looked up, Jona was dropped down onto the floor.
“Wait, you up there!” the mare said shakily, “No need to bring violence into this… W-we’re the good guys! We’re ponies, like you!”
“No, you’re not,” Twilight said with red rage almost completely consuming her, “You’re MONSTERS!”
Twilight fired a powerful blast at the mass around Jona. The blast exploded in the air harmlessly, but it seemed to be enough to spook the cowardly masked ponies. They began sprinting for the door at the appearance of true danger.
The masked mare looked around, shocked as her followers abandoned her. Suddenly, Twilight extended her hoof and swooped down to attack the mare. The mare tried to dodge but was too late to avoid the full brunt of Twilight’s attack. She was sent careening down the hallway and into what remained of the doors.
Recovering, she stood up, her mask knocked off in the struggle. The room gasped as they saw none other than Rainbow Dash shakily bringing herself back to her hooves.
“Rainbow Dash, h-how could you?” Twilight said. She couldn’t even translate thoughts to words because of the shock and the confusion she felt. Her head was swirling with excuses and condemnations for her friend.
However, she never got her answer as Rainbow Dash quickly scurried away and out the door like a rat scared off by a predator.
The room was completely silent for what seemed to be hours before the sounds of sobbing replaced it. Turning around, Twilight saw Jona sitting near the podium, cradling her brother’s broken, bleeding head in her hooves.
His head was split open, leaking profusely onto the floor on and around his sister. She tried humming a old tune to him from their home country, but it didn’t seem to register in his mind. Drool ran down the side of his mouth as he muttered incomprehensibly.
Twilight approached, each step she took prodding her calm demeanor into a tighter ball of rage. The more she saw Jona’s tear mixing with the crimson blood of her brother, the more searing HATE she felt for Rainbow Dash. But for right now? Now she must help these poor refugees, as it’s the only thing, and the right thing, to do...
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- AnimusAdVolatum · 1.4k words · 22 1 · 1.3k views
- Bearycool · 5.7k words · 58 2 · 2.8k views
- DontWakeTheNeighbour · 11k words · 249 14 · 9.9k views
- Dragryphon · 40k words · 72 2 · 4.6k views
- derpyland · 13k words · 58 1 · 1.7k views
- boardgamebrony · 5.1k words · 84 5 · 2.9k views
- maxxxxxx · 20k words · 161 16 · 2.9k views
- Magic Man · 102k words · 806 30 · 23k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.137 seconds
Total duration
886 users online
583,179 hits today, 2,782,760 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
No making fun of the story in the comments please! This story is to stop the abuse towards refugees, not make it worse!
8268608
Making the world better, one story at a time, babe!
Judging from your past stories, I am skeptical of the quality of this story. Not to mention, this is an incredibly controversial topic to cover.
I'm interested to see what becomes of this.
8268651
My past storys were good please go away if you dont like this one. it is for the vulnerable
8268660
I never said anything about them being bad, you jumped to that conclusion yourself.
Nevertheless, I hope it turns out well for you.
8268661
You implied it. You better apologize
8268665
I'm not apologizing for something I didn't do. Though I could see how that could come across as being hostile.
8268682
You bettrr be nice if youre gonna be herr
8268691
I guarantee you I hold no malicious intent, promise.
8268697
Good to hear
What a masterpiece! This story is such a powerful message that speaks out against prejudice!
I teared up a little because it reminded me of those emotional WWII photos with ponies composited into them. We need more of such brave social commentary.
8268725
thank you so much for the love!! it is an amazing story and i love that you know what i was going for!!
This isn't the best way to get across your idea. You've alienated your target audience by portraying them as violent monsters. The best way to change someone's viewpoint is to peacefully challenge their misconceptions using reason and logic, and show them what's the reality. Kind words go a lot further than demonizing people. Instead of trying to spark outrage against bigots, try to appeal to those who are frightened and don't have the right information. A well written story could change their minds.
Mlp is all about villains being redeemed. Imagine this, you show some ponies being afraid, then attacking due to that fear of the unknown. Afterwards, you have those ponies face the consequences of their actions, and have to, say, help rebuild the mosque. During the work. The ponies learn about the zebras, and have their misconceptions debunked.
You would have had a great opportunity to show that refugees simply want a safe place to live their lives and practice their religion in peace.
In addition to the problems with the plot, there are many places with spelling and grammar errors, the pacing is jittery, some of your characterization is off-putting, and you have factual errors about the religion you are portraying.
If you can rework this story, it could be great.
Refugees should always be helped, sad reality though is that the vast majority are young(ish) male economic migrants. Even the EU officials arent denying it any longer and once the welfare states collapse we will see a sharp decrease in "refugees" while most of the actual refugees stay in nearby countries in the region.
Ill be honest and admit i laughed my butt off way back in the day after reading that the first year of the crisis the 3rd highest number of "refugees" came from Albanian (a European country relatively close to my own, economy messed up but meh where in the Balkans isnt it hehe).
Good luck with your story even if you are probably a troll account judging by the "Remove Kebab" inspired avatar.
Either way, shadilay.
8268759
ALL refugees are poor people who need help. the lie you hear about from the "Alt Right" are lies. Refugees are not middle aged and mostly men. They are MOSTLY WOMEN AND CHILDREN AND NEED TO BE HELPED. anyone, like trump, who hates these poor people and blame them for things that the natives in a country do is WRONG
8268734
im not going to rework a story because someone who hates Muslims doesn't like it. sorry, but im not a racist
8268773
Meh think whatever propaganda you want, i would assume you live in the US or such.
I live in the middle of the (now closed) "balkan route" so i saw the "refugees" with my own eyes. Mostly male, 30 or younger. They have Iphones and remember some doing interviews with our national television, openly saying how they paid thousands of euros to get to germany and complaining that it is taking so long.
Far fewer actual refugees then economic migrants. Refugees should be helped, economic migrants deported/denied entry.
8268789
there is no propaganda here. the only propaganda is from people like trump who hate poor people and hate refugees and muslims becuase they are poor and need help.
sorry but if you want to be racist here, at least know the facts
8268776
Dude, if you call everyone who disagrees with any aspect of your story a racist you are going to run out of friends fast.
I agree with the heart of the story, and I have met people here in the US who are pretty messed up and who blindly despise people for their religion, nationality, skin color, etc... It is pretty disturbing and generally it is very hard to talk to such people because they won't listen to anyone else's perspective.
The problem here is, you are doing the same thing in the opposite direction. So far everyone who has commented on here with a less than positive opinion has been blacklisted as a racist and a monster, including people who agree with the sentiment behind the story who are only trying to help it out. While the story has good intentions it is in many ways doing a lot of harm. You are branding one side as pure good and the other as pure evil, worthy of hatred and derision. This only perpetuates the cycle of violence and hatred that has led to the refugee crisis in the first place. Furthermore, making Rainbow Dash an analogue for a white supremacist terrorist, having her attack a mosque, and having Twilight immediately hate one of her greatest friends while shouting about "pony filth" is really pretty messed up in the context of what this show and this fandom is about: friendship, empathy, and developing an understanding of those who are different.
We all have to exist together on this planet. You can't put all of the people you don't like in a box and label it "Evil," you have to find a way to work with each other and to understand one another better. Or, at the very least, you have to keep trying.
8268857
so you defend people who hold these awful view and hate people because they are a little bit different? Rainbow Dash is racist in this story because she is one in the show. you are wrong to think that the creators of mlp dont already know that
8268881
thank you! you have been a good fan for a long time! hope you enjoy the story! more to come!
8268860
No, I do not defend people who hold these views. I personally would prefer if the US would do more to help in the current refugee crisis. You seem to be assuming that, because I do not agree with 100% of what you say, I must agree 100% with your opposition. You should not oversimplify people's perspectives down to two possibilities. We live in a world with a lot of moral gray area.
As I stated once already, your story, while good at heart in many ways, is putting characters into two boxes: "Evil" and "Good." By casting anyone who disagrees with you, even partially, as "Evil," you only perpetuate the cycle of violence between different peoples and perspectives. You cannot simply wipe out all of the people you see as racist, and if you could you would become the thing that you hate. The only way we make progress is by gaining a better understanding of one another. Those opposed to refugees and foreigners need to come to understand who the people are that they hate so much, and that they are really quite similar to themselves. The rest of us need to come to understand what is driving this fear and hatred in the first place, so that we can help alleviate it in a way that is best for everyone involved.
As for Rainbow Dash being a racist, please provide evidence to back up this claim.
8268881
hey friendo
8268921
"I will respect your opinion but you are so wrong you are basically an evil person for having that opinion..."
What did I just say about immediately putting people into the "Good" and "Evil" boxes?
Well, I believe it is always worth at least trying to have a rational conversation with folks, no matter what the situation. I don't see this going anywhere however. If my arguments and assertions aren't even going to be addressed I have nothing more to say.
On an entirely neutral note, the injury at the end might be a bit much for a Teen rating. The author may want to consider switching it to Mature. This is not "hate," or racism," it's just a suggestion.
Edit: It just occurred to me that your names are Try Hard and Raw Cringe.
Gr8 b8 m8. I r8 8/8.
Wow, this takes shoehorning to the next level.
IF I SEE ANYMORE HATE TOWARDS MUSLIMS AND REFUGEES WITHIN THIS COMMENTS I WILL HAVE DELETE AND BLOCK YOU VERY FASTLY
Decent story... Though the execution is kind of poor. You're basically labeling people who are against refugees as evil. Mlp is about friendship and redeeming, not destroying threats to peace. Also Rainbow destroyed a mosque? She's a racist? Alright, tell me when this ever happened. Also, about Twilight calling the masked ponies "filth", really out of character, especially now.
I mean it's a decent story, and I support the message, but it needs to be revised.
Ok, when I first saw the story I was like Why The Down Votes? It seems good enough.
And then I read this.
Now, I am not a very good writer, but I know a good story when I see one. This was not very good.
And no it wasn't about the topic, the topic is a very good one, and I like the idea.
Here is what I didn't like.
The pacing was very, very, very fast. I doubt Sonic could out-run it.
We have two zebras who come to Ponyville. Fine and dandy. The same day they come, they suddenly decide to build a mosque and basically force every pony to hear about their God? No no. Refugees/immigrants (usually) don't do that, they meet with other Muslims and pray in homes as a make-shift Mosque. They won't tell others about their religion unless they are missionaries or someone asks them about it. Also, you mainly showed the haters and what they think about this. You didn't give them a backstory on why they feel that way. You very rarely showed the ponies who supported the refugees.
Also, Rainbow dash!? You made her a ring-leader? Seriously!? Rainbow wouldn't do that, she has a GRYPHON friend for crying out loud.
If anything, Applejack would make more sense. I feel like I should have to explain myself.
And the names are very strange. I do not believe Zebras would have names like that, but hey, it's your characters.
Overall, while it is a good topic and I am proud you tackled something as complex as this, I feel like you executed it poorly. Try to slow down, give backstory to everything, take your time, make it more believable. Please. Thank you for reading this.
8269061
Now wait for your comment to be deleted and marked as “hate” and “racist” by the author.
8269066
Hey, I think she or he or it will be triggered!
Even though it is probably one of my best comments ever!
8269061
rainbow dash is a character in the show who WOULD do this. also the story was made VERY good and the pacing is not to fast at all. i have editors look at it and they said it was amazing. do you not like it because i showed muslims in a good light? is that why? seems like most people here disliked it because of THAT reason and nothing else!
8269113
We're trying to be nice here lol. I have friends who are Muslims lol.
You haven't explained or given any examples of Rainbow being racist lol. Also, no the pacing isn't good lol. Tell me the editors you've gone to lol, they must not be very good.
The refugees did nothing wrong.
8269113
Honestly, people dislike the story because of the pacing, the bad grammar, the factual errors on how muslims act, the unrealistic characterization of Twi and Dash, the unrealistic reaction of the ponies. Also your comment deletion, percived ad hominem attacks, misinterpretation of peoples points, and your attitude of 'you don't agree with me therefore racist bigot'.
The only thing that saves this story is your portrayal of 'good muslims' other than the factual errors. By responding like you have, many now consider you a troll, and will ether troll you back or ignore you. When making a controversial story, it's best not to engage people in the comments, it only inflames both sides.
You might want to step back and cool off, maybe come back and respond calmly in a few days. Many people here want to have a discussion, and you're seeing it as an attack. Take a break, try again later.
8269185
if you dont stop commenting calling the story bad just because you dont like me i will have to block you. you think you know why the story is bad bu you dont give reasons other then "I think story bad"
you are a troll. nothing more. go away