Bruce, an emotionally stubborn, small, snide-ass, grump horse, never thought he would ever be in a committed relationship. Especially, with his best friend, Aerostorm.
Aerostorm, an overly hippie flower boy, who is not afraid to show his hippie demeanor, prides himself for how much taller he is than Bruce. Although, he truly does care for Bruce, occasionally a little too much though.
It has been more than a year since Aerostorm's abusive relationship with his ex-boyfriend, Chakra Blossom, ended for good. However, it left Aerostorm broken inside for what happened, and Bruce tries his hardest to comfort his boyfriend as much as he can. He will realize that it might be harder than expected.
These characters do not belong to me, and are respectfully credited to its rightful owner, Lopoddity; as well for the image. This story contains M/M, with explicit swearing and sexual innuendo. If you do not like it move along. Otherwise, enjoy!
Cool it with those things. Ya only need three. Like so: ...
You only need one.
This should be:
I'd also get rid of the bold if you aren't using the Royal Voice. And don't put effects like *sob* or *sniff* in your story. It helps a lot!
Oh boy. Let's see here:
Be sure to proofread your stories a bit more and invest in an editor. Try reading some more stories to see how they handle things to help learn about writing, and don't stop improving! Show, don't tell whenever you can and you should do fine. There was way too much telling here.
Keep writing!
Thank you for the advice. I really felt that I could have left out some information, and show more about the characters themselves. I really appreciate your feedback, and I am still getting used to writing.
Love, Peace
8223401
Sure thing! And if you want to reply to a comment, just click the little double arrow in the top right corner.
As for groups, I'd suggest joining these for a start:
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/916/school-for-new-writers
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/50/the-writers-group
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/97/looking-for-editors
8223409
Will do, thanks
Solid effort, definitely an upvote from me. I will say though, some parts could have been a bit more fleshed out (half the story just felt like an infodump on the relevant parts of the Pandoraverse) and some a bit less (this might just be me, but the momentary aside to mention who Rosemary is seemed a little unnecessary). Again though, good work overall!
8223429
Yeah I did use many head-cannons from both Lopoddity and RoboHeather. I guess I doubted my abilities to tell the story, so I just fleshed it out with a lot of information. If I get the courage to write something about Bruce and Aerostorm again I will definitely take suggestions to improve for next time.
Love, Peace
I am loving this story! I definatley wanna see more, that is for sure. Yet I can see that you didn't trust yourself to show these relationships and characters. Have a lot more faith in yourself, i saw some fantastic storytelling when it was present. You definatley need to show more, and dont be scared to, i see a lot of potential here.
8223999
Thank you for your kind words. I think the biggest problem I had was writing about characters that weren't necessarily mine. So it was really hard finding a connection with the characters. I really appreciate your comment.
Love, Peace