Hmmm. Where do I start? Well first off I'm the leader of the Wolf Army and stand proudly as a brony. I love to write and read and do my best to struggle day after day for a new leash on life.
Richard Caldway works as a chief on the beautiful planet we know as Earth. He just put in his vacation time for the start of the summer season in order to go reconnect with family and friends. While on vacation he planned to experiment with new flavours and recipes with his mother and play games with friends. It would be simple and easy.
But sadly the world isn't like that for everyone. Richard has another job he has to do which includes more cooking.
Idea by deeed22
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Show, Don't Tell is ignored, forced dialogue, stale premise, and spelling and grammar errors aplenty.
Along with an unlikable "OC", this was just bad.
8196606 Eh it was worth a shot. Thanks for the feedback.
Huh, not bad, not bat at all, please continue.
I'm bored yet confused. That's a first, well done
8214718
Sure the voice of the many out weight the few.
8214759
Well good, my writing style is working. I’ve never been good with starting stuff. As evident with my other stories.
8215106
In that case continue, if you're only bad at starting stories then the rest of this one should be great
Looking forward to the next chapter
*clicks tracking button*
8215141
Thanks! Hope I don’t disappoint.
Honestly, a good chapter. You left us with a bit of a cliffhanger, which annoys me to no end but I have to admit it is a good stopping place. I saw a spot that didn’t make a whole lot of sense grammatically so I though I’d provide the odd bit of help. Here we go:
There were more but this one really bugged me the most. To correct another’s grammar, one must be on point with their own. Honestly, you did a great job here. Keep it up. Until next time.
8539721
Whoops forgot to run it through the grammar checker that's on me.
The first thing that comes to my mind when I read the chapter was 'The Gamer manga'. Though it could just be a chance and you don't even know of that manga.
9062088
Yea I actually have no idea about that one but now I wish to check it out. I actually got this idea from reading the rise of the shield hero
9062103
If you like I can send you a link to the manga from one of the sites I read them on.
9062107
Sure
9062121
http://www.mangago.me/read-manga/the_gamer/ There is where I've been reading it.
9062231
Thank ya
An intersting story so far... Reminds me a of a few Mangas I've been reading.
9122020
Yea the direction I wanted to take this story with everything was a mix of a few but the main being the rising of the shield hero
9122304
Yeah, I for sure caught that in the story lol! Now that you say that I need to go see if I can catch up on that story XD.
It's alive!
9841400
Yea, I had a hard time coming up with things to write due college and moving, but I'm starting to get into the groove of things and have another chapter qued up.
9841442
Np. Its still chugging along great!