Her Royal Morning Coffee
Awaken The Senses
By the time Dry Roast convinced himself that the events of the morning would blow over, they came back to bite him with a vengeance. The noon rush was tapering off, the two part-time employees he had hired to cover customers during the busy times had clocked out, and he was just starting to get the shop cleaned up for closing while the last few customers chatted out in the main room.
Then Rarity walked through the door. And she brought her friend.
Dry Roast had never really seen Princess Twilight Sparkle in the daylight. With her mane combed out and her eyes actually open, she was far more beautiful than he was used to. Those pale, entrancing eyes were nearly the shade of her soft coat, and the sight made his own tired mind tie itself up in knots while the two young mares walked to his counter to place their orders.
“One small mocha light frappuccino with one pump mocha, and one shot.” Dry cleared his dry throat and looked at Princess Twilight Sparkle. “And for you, Ma’am?”
“Just a coffee,” said Twilight, looking over his head at the price board. “And a cherry pastry.”
“All out of cherry.” Dry Roast bit his bottom lip in order to avoid adding any additional commentary.
Twilight Sparkle shrugged. “Just the coffee, then.”
He managed to get their orders completed and delivered without spilling too much over the machinery, and maintained his somewhat wobbly stance behind the counter while Rarity and Twilight Sparkle took a seat in a nearby booth, which gave them both a good view of him and vice versa. It was most certainly not a coincidence that the two mares had taken that specific booth, because Rarity had nearly body-checked her friend into the seat.
Then… nothing.
The two of them sat and drank their coffee between light conversation, with Princess Twilight Sparkle looking a little bored and irritated, while Rarity was maintaining the expression of a young colt who has lit the fuse on a particularly large firework and seen the fizzing section vanish inside, only to have nothing happen.
And after about a half-hour, the two mares left while Dry Roast heaved a giant sigh of relief.
~ ~ ☕ ~ ~
“Hello, Applejack. Just finishing up for the day, I see.” Dry Roast strolled over to the apple cart and poked his nose into the nearly empty storage compartment. “Mind if I clean out your inventory?”
“Feel free.” Applejack nosed over an empty paper sack before returning to her task of getting the cart ready to return to the farm. “So?”
“So what?” Dry Roast dropped the last few apples into the bag and cast a curious look at Applejack, who was wearing much the same anticipatory expression he had seen on Rarity just a short time ago.
“So what did Twilight say when she came over to the shop this afternoon?”
Dry Roast shrugged. “Nothing, really. She ordered a coffee.”
“Ah knew it! Rarity had this durned fool idea that Twilight was having some sort of sneaky love affair with you. Plum near talked my ear off about it.” Applejack took off her hat and swatted it against her foreleg to knock some of the dust off it. “Sorry about them apples being a little small and wrinkled. They got picked over something fierce today, so how’s about two bits for the lot?”
“Sounds good.” Dry Roast floated two bits over to Applejack’s cashbox, but before he could get away, the farmer coughed once into a hoof.
“So… What did you think of her?”
“Rarity?” Dry Roast shifted uncomfortably. “She’s nice, I suppose.”
“No, I mean Twilight.” Applejack moved a little closer and fixed him with a penetrating stare. “Princess Twilight.”
“She’s fine!” Now it was Dry Roast’s turn to cough into a hoof. “She’s fine. I mean she’s okay. We didn’t talk much. She’s pretty quiet.”
Applejack’s expression turned skeptical. “You know, ah’ve heard Twilight called a lot of things, but quiet ain’t one of them.”
“Well, normally she kinda-sorta mutters into the floor, but I’ve gotten pretty good at—” Dry Roast stopped talking when Applejack’s eyes lit up.
“So you have talked to her before? Even though you done told us you didn’t.”
Dry glanced around the closing marketplace and hefted his purchase. “Well, I gotta go, Applejack. It’s been good talking to… Bye.”
It was a fairly short walk back to his small house, and Dry Roast’s lanky form and brisk stride made that distance pass at a rapid rate. A quick glance around while unlocking the door showed no pursuit, which was both good and expected, because Applejack was a very logical pony, and chasing him through town with an apple cart behind her was not a very… Applejacky thing to do.
Pinkie Pie, yes.
After closing the door behind him, Dry Roast took a deep breath and relaxed. The comfortable house he shared with his little brother Rain Check was an island of safety in a world filled with dangerous things, one of whom… actually five of whom would have an unusual amount of curiosity about Princess Twilight Sparkle and whatever stallion was touching her on the lips.
He had briefly considered the consequences the first time the beautiful unicorn caught him in a coffee-fueled lip lock over a year ago, but had put the idea behind him as a fluke. About the fifth time, he had entertained the polite fantasy that perhaps the purple powerhouse was merely faking her sleep, and the kisses were some sort of experiment. Around the time he had lost track of the number of nocturnal no-nooky visits, Dry had decided to simply go with the flow and enjoy it.
Then Twilight Sparkle became Princess Twilight Sparkle, and the kisses had taken on a certain… intensity.
The first night his establishment had been graced by Her Highness, the Purple Princess of Powerful Puckering, Dry Roast… well, could not remember most of the next several days. Repetition and a strict exercise regime at Bulk Biceps’ Gym had increased his stamina to the point where he almost never collapsed on the floor anymore, and the meditation exercises had helped keep his brain from burning out afterward. His lanky form had filled out with unexpected muscle and other young fillies in town had started to notice his flanks, so the health benefits were multi-purpose, but when Tirek returned, even all of his new muscles could not keep him from a chipped tooth.
Twilight before dawn seven nights in a row after that did not help. By the time Princess Twilight Sparkle had gotten a new coffee maker in her new castle (paid for by thankful townsfolk including Dry), he was about ready to have a nervous breakdown, but thankfully, the next dawn had broken without a Twilight, and his rather odd erratic routine returned.
Until today.
Worrying about it would not help. Dry Roast yawned, feeling vaguely guilty about skipping out on his afternoon cardio and self-defense class at the gym, but excused it under the excuse of mental exercise instead. He checked the book collection in the divided box by the front door, moved the last one he had just finished into the ‘Return to Library’ section, and picked one at random out of his brother’s collection. It was going to be a nice afternoon to read, so after heading upstairs, he settled down in the reclining chair on the balcony next to his telescope and relaxed, even though the book turned out to be a griffon romance. Or maybe a book on combat. It was difficult to tell the subtle differences without counting bodies.
The sun was warm and the day pleasant, with a gentle breeze from the south and the distinct sensation of being watched. He ignored it for a few minutes, then looked over his shoulder to see a familiar colorful pegasus crouched at the end of the balcony, just a short distance away.
“What are you doing?”
Rainbow Dash at least had the good manners to look embarrassed at being caught, but she stammered for a second and replied, “Reading over your shoulder, of course. I love that book.”
He held a hoof over the cover. “So, what am I reading?”
“Uh.” Rainbow Dash’s eyes flickered from side to side. “Daring Do?”
Dry flipped the book over to show the two griffons on the cover locking beaks. “So, what are you really doing, Rainbow?”
“Well…” She took a quick breath. “I was just curious.”
“About?”
“About you and Twilight.” The words came out in a rush and kept coming. “I mean you’re out here by your telescope and Twilight’s over there in the castle with her telescope, and I thought—”
“Telescope?” Dry looked up at the sparkling crystal castle and caught a suspicious glint of light from an upstairs balcony.
“Yeah, she’s been acting all weird since Rarity told us about her illicit love affair with some stallion from a coffee shop, and since you work at the coffee shop, I thought I’d watch you and see if I can spot the guy.” Rainbow floated up a short distance and looked around. “So, do you see him?”
Resisting the urge to plant a hoof against his forehead, Dry replied just as calmly and firmly as he was able. “I am not having an illicit affair with Princess Twilight Sparkle.”
“Oh.” Dry could almost see the unaccustomed idea travel through Rainbow Dash’s head until both of her eyebrows went up. “Oh! So it is you.”
“No!” snapped Dry Roast. “Coffee. She gets coffee. That’s it.”
It was amazing how Dry Roast could fairly see the words bounce off his target. “That’s funny, because when we were all over at her castle earlier, she said she’d never been to your shop before even though she’s got a couple dozen of your empty cups in the kitchen recycling bin.”
“I deliver,” said Dry in a flat deadpan.
“I bet you do.” Rainbow Dash waggled her eyebrows. “So how far have you two gotten? Because Pinkie Pie has a pool going with Lyra, and I’ve got my money on—”
“We haven’t gotten anywhere,” snapped Dry in exasperation. “We’re not going anywhere. Now if you’ll excuse me.” He settled back down in the recliner with his book, waited for at least two pages for Rainbow Dash to become bored and fly off, then looked back up. “Go away.”
To her credit, Rainbow Dash did not look as if she were trying to pull something like she normally did. Instead, she seemed a little concerned, which appeared to be contagious. “Look, we’re just worried about our friend.”
”We?”
“Pinkie and me. After all, Twilight’s always been a little bit of an egghead. Ok, a lot of a bit of an egghead, and we’ve never actually seen her on a date before, so we just want to make sure she’s taken care of properly. You understand, right?”
It did make sense. A little, at least, and Dry could feel his heart rate return to something approaching normal. “Yes, I see why you might be a little upset.”
“Great!” Rainbow Dash settled down on the balcony next to Dry. “So are we talking foal making yet, or just kissing and hugging?”
“No!” A looming sense of dread came over Dry Roast, much like the feeling he would get just moments before the smoke detector would go off and indicate that the oven was acting up again. “You said you told Pinkie Pie.”
“Of course. Twilight is my friend, and Pinkie Pie is my friend, and friends tell each other stuff. Which is why we were a little upset that Twilight didn’t tell us about you, so spill it.”
“Pinkie is everypony’s friend,” snapped Dry Roast. “Who did she tell?”
He raised his head up over the balcony rail and looked down into Ponyville.
For one long heart-stopping moment, every single pony as far as he could see was looking back at him. Some were content to just look, several had brought folding chairs as if they were waiting for the fireworks, and two in particular had staked out the park bench across the street. Then they all suddenly seemed to find something more interesting to look at, even the ones with binoculars.
~ ~ ☕ ~ ~
Dearest Big Brother Bud.
I need your legal help. I think I’m about to be thrown in prison for sexual assault. Or married. Perhaps both. Not sure. Come at once.
Dry Roast
Wake up! Short and perky this morning.
Question now is, which one comes first?
See, yesterday I was looking down this nice smooth slope, but now after reading this chapter, it seems there's been a massive landslide and it suddenly turned into a cliff. A cliff Dry Roast is about to fall off.
Seriously?! I just finish the first chapter and I get another? What a nice way to start work. (Work is very slow right now.)
Love this
This looks hilarious. Can't wait to see where it goes!
I'm in love with this story. Keep those chapters coming!
Hmmm... reckon I've heard this somewhere before!
I can just see it, a sleep walking Twilight breaking him out of jail and getting him to his shop so he can give her some damn coffee
That would have to be one mind snapping experience! No wonder the freaked out, short and sweet letter to Big Bro was sent next.
Uh, hold up. Maybe I'm CLEARLY missing something here since I tend to overthink and overlook certain things but...why doesn't Dry Roast just go to Twilight's and say, "Hey Twilight. You keep sleep walking into my shop and kissing me. Stop that." Of course she'd deny it but...
SIGH
You know what, forget it. Whatever happens happens. (I just hope it happens soon enough)
Keep it up my good man
Out of the coffee canister and into the grinder!
This was an absolutely perfect encapsulation of the situation and I adored the mental image.
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Because when a cute girl just decides to kiss you, you don't tend to say, "Stop it." Doubly so when she then becomes royalty and apparently considerably improves her skill.
dis gon b gud
lol
I mean, it's fair to think something is weird when you see coffee cups that shouldn't be somewhere, but I'd love to see how Rarity reasoned out a love affair
get good lol
TBF to Dry, this should be the other way around
i want it pls
dammit Rarity, can't you even gossip properly??
get good lol
Best line. Top level my dude
----------------------------
It's been shown over and over again that you can start a conjunction, but you really don't need to here. Also sounds weird (IMO).
Ending quotation mark
Well, at least there will be a lot of witnesses if the mane six minus one decide to take some variety of drastic action.
Brother? lawer? 5 bits says his name is Dry Commentary
Huh. Hadn't realized that kiss was the continuation of a preexisting trend. And it's quite interesting to see that ascension apparently comes with a boost in... let's say "passion."
In any case, Twi and Dry are in for some choppy waters ahead. With the entire town already planning their wedding, neither's going to be very happy with the situation, and I could easily see Twilight laying the blame on that bothersome barista.
I think the most interesting part is going to be when Dry Roast realizes that they’ve told everyone except Twilight.
Somewhere, in another universe, Green Grass suddenly felt the inexplicable urge to pat the local coffee barista on the shoulder and say “You have my deepest sympathies.”
So, which one does have the higher body count.
Interesting to see that this has been enough of a consistent thing that Dry Roast has built his life around it.
I, for one, say that you can't really blame someone for the stuff they do in their sleep. Even if it's snoring.
8687649
I don't know, I get blamed for my snoring pretty much exclusively.
Just to say that you’ve called Dry Roast the big brother when talking about their house, then in the note at the end he’s apparently the younger brother.
I DEMAND SATISFACTION!
Um, if you don’t mind.
I love This Storry XD ... Haha XD ...
8686765
Just finished around 10 cups of Oolong tea. Probably around 370 milligrams of caffeine. When I did 10 shots of espresso that was 700 to 750 milligrams of caffeine.
I have a high tolerance to caffeine. But I am careful with it. Doing 10 shots of espresso is a very seldom done thing. Normally on average I drink 1 20 oz can of sugar free red bull for 189 milligrams of caffeine a week.
8687649 It does say something for Dry Roast that he prefers to have his brother go over to the library to borrow books on a semi-random fashion rather than go himself and have to face the librarian. Kinda like he likes what is going on, and is a little nervous about rocking the boat.
8687534 More like "My condolences..."
8687449 Oh, Twilight Sparkle has been nudged by Rarity, no doubt. Think "(girlish squeal of glee) Twilight has a coltfriend she's been keeping secret from us! Oh, I want to see the look on her face when they meet and their secret gets out!" I've been trying to keep this as much single POV as possible, or there would certainly be a conversation in that direction, with Rarity slowly coming to the conclusion that either her friend is a *remarkably* good liar, or she's jumped to entirely the wrong conclusion. The third option would never even occur to her.
8687444 Twilight? Blame somepony else for her problems? Heaven forbid!
8687425 Balanced Budget, or Bud to his friends, actually. He's an earth pony about as short as Dry Roast is tall, so he's a big little brother, as opposed to Rain Check, his younger brother, who is about average. Together, they're small, medium, and tall.
8687405 "Look, Twi, we know there's something goin' on with you two, so that's why we tied you both up and are going to toss you into the Sugarcube Corner basement for the afternoon. We'll come get 'cha once the party is set up, so we can figgure out if it's some sort of dating party or a wake. See you in a few hours."
8687381 8687360 Well, if he objected, all he would need to do is complain out loud, but she's a regular customer, tips well, and really about the only romantic interest Dry has in town because he's so busy getting his business going.
8687338 I'm fairly sure Ponyville has at least one "We Can't Explain It Just Pay The Bill" category for town expenses. Most of the explanations start out, "Well, Twilight Sparkle..."
8687317 So tempted to write a story where various elements of Canterlot society demand Celestia imprison Luna for the remainder of her sentence, and Celestia bows to their demands, makes a small barred cell, and declares that to be 'outside'
Of course, Scootaloo originally got the binoculars for watching Rainbow Dash's aerobatics practices.
HAHAHAHAH!
Subscribed
8687703 Ahem. You do know it is possible to have more than one brother, right?
8687360
Because he very much doesn't want her to.
Also, us other readers dont want her to either.
8687725
In Rarity’s defense, I’m not sure the idea that Twilight’s been kissing Dry Roast in her sleep and legitimately has no memory of it would occur to anyone.
I laughed out loud at the griffon romance novel. Rainbow might find it a surprisingly fun read, too!
8686765
Oh no, whatever shall I do. :P
Turns out if you happen to read this the first time at 5 am it is a good addition to coffee.
8687725
Oh please write that story, it sounds absolutely hilarious.
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8687725
Until you didn't do the joke, I didn't realize how much my brain was expecting this to be Tall, Grande, and Venti.
All the rest say simply & succinctly, "Pinkie Pie."
Loving this so far. Thanks for sharing it with us.
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8687762
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You win this time, Georg, this time...
Nearly fell over laughing so much at the note to his brother at the end. Short but oh so sweet and funny.
Extremely solid work, good characters,interesting premise, look forward to seeing the rest
Oh this is magical!
Greta story, I could see Agent Sweetie Drops being called in...
Sometimes I wish I could give a thumbs up more than once.
I'm excited to read the next chappies. It's gonna be fun or heart-breaking if you're into that.
This is why you tell the whole truth.
"She sleepwalks in, buys coffee, kisses me for some reason, then wanders off. I've never even seen her with her eyes open until Rarity dragged her into my shop the other day." That would solve so many problems. And yet, make many more.
*Sigh* Oh, well, still an interesting story. I'll watch.
8689251
Have you ever read Georg's stories before? I'm pretty sure "straightforward, uncomplicated romance" isn't even a concept most of his main characters are aware of.
Ehhhhh. That bit of exposition in the beginning was just a little bit too much. Kinda made it clunky to go through because all I saw were excuses for how Dry isn't a total nobody. It made it seem... uninspired, I want to say.
Still though, this is getting pretty good.
This story is super hilarious, I love it.
And here I thought the kiss was a one time thing.
Okay this just keeps on getting better