Queen Chrysalis has now had a consistent track record of humiliating defeat. Alone and at the end of her rope, she has come up with a plan that's foolproof to succeed! Filly nap a pony expected to have been enrolled into Princess Celestia's school for Gifted Unicorns, and mirror Princess Celestia's devious tactics! After all, how hard can mentoring a magic embodied apprentice to defeat your sworn enemies be!? But as Queen Chrysalis will soon find out, it's never that simple.
Okay, this one looks like it'll be fun.
However, I do have one gripe about your writing:
Exclamation marks are typically used in dialogue or internal thoughts. Using them in regular narration like you have above makes it sound like the narrator is shouting, and can be quite distracting for readers. A good description should already be enough to convey how absurd/ridiculous/extreme the situation is.
And to a lesser extent, there's this:
Combining exclamation marks with question marks is often unnecessary, and some readers find them distracting. Just stick with the question mark. If written well, the words alone should be enough to convey the tone of the speaking character, or your could use italics for added emphasis.
Other than that, good show. I'll be keeping an eye on this for now.
I will keep an eye on this story, if for no other reason, than the King in Yellow reference that is the title. You have piqued my interest...
Combination of Trixie and twilight plus that crazy little girl from tiny tunes (Amira I if I recall)...
This should be fun :3
This is precious, seriously need way more publicity
Hey, she loves you, Chryssie, meaning that just being nearby will make you stronger. It can't be that bad... Can it?
: "Okay..."
Nice premise.
I'm curious where it goes.
Found an small error:
Should be only one "how". Remove either the first or the second one. (But not both.)
Chryssie bit of waaaay more than she could chew.
8012543 elmyra, to be precise.
I have high hopes. Let's see where this goes.
:well, not how I expected things to go, but I'll settle for inadvertently reforming Chrysalis.
Hehe, nice. I love how clueless Chryssie is.
8013605
The greatest atrocities are committed in the name of love.
Funny start.
This is phrased poorly. It makes it sound like she's saying 'possessing great potential is nothing to be ashamed of'. Which would be obvious. I think you wanted Celestia to say that having trouble managing someone with such potential is nothing to be ashamed of, since she seems to be reassuring the Headmistress about her issues with Marigold. So it should probably be
Well, this looks like it has potential, we'll see how it goes.
.... So Chrysalis is better feed then ever .... wonder how powerful she is right now
Got to wonder what Chryssie did to make Marigold love her so much
So Chryssie is now more powerful then ever, and yet we don't have to worry
Wait, What
You have ?