Searching The Dragon Killer

Spike is still mad at Diamond Tiara after what she did to the CMC, so Diamond Tiara decides to do something to make it up.

Chapters (4)

Part 1 · 17th Feb 2017 · 1,156 words
1,156
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Part 2 · 19th Feb 2017 · 761 words
761
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Part 3 · 19th Feb 2017 · 975 words
975
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Part 4 (The Finale) · 19th Feb 2017 · 342 words
342
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Comments ( 7 )

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Regis-Th3-Lesser

Regis-Th3-Lesser #1 · Feb 17th, 2017 · 1 · · Part 1 ·

Excuse my tongue but what kind of a dipshit would steal a baby in broad fucking daylight

Anyway you have a nice start, felt a bit rushed but the idea of the story is interesting. This show is entering it's 7-8th year of being out and no one knows where Spike comes from so it isn't a stretch to think that his parents got the same treatment as Applejack's folk (we don't even know if they're dead but we are pretty damn certain)

Your sentence structure is a bit wonky too. Like here:

The ponies in Ponyville cheered for Diamond Tiara, they all thought that she was a hero.

I mean it could work if they were separate sentences or you can combine them as such...
"The ponies cheered for Diamond Tiara is if he were a great hero."

And here the sentence is structured pretty well. I feel like there should be a period instead of a comma.

Diamond Tiara felt terrible, she wanted to make things up with the CMC's family.

So I am not giving a thumbs up or down but I will add this to my shelves. You can say I have a thing for the little guy

Also...

Diamond Tiara felt terrible, she wanted to make things up with the CMC's family. She headed over to visit Apple Bloom at the barn. When she walked in, she saw Apple Bloom and Applejack snuggling on a hay stack.
Applejack finally noticed and turned Apple Bloom's body around to make her see the pink filly standing there. "Oh, hi Diamond Tiara.", she said. She got all embarrassed. "You didn't see nothing, right?"

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