Trixie's Guard

Violet Rose in The Rain #1 · Jan 2nd, 2017 · · · VI: Consummation ·

Try releasing chapters one by one, instead of publishing them all in one go. This is to attract more readers over the course of a fe weeks to months.

Mackstack

Mackstack #2 · Jan 2nd, 2017 · 1 · · VI: Consummation ·

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7837170 I would do normally, but this was a commission, so I wanted to get it all out so they don't end up waiting longer than they have to.

Mackstack

Mackstack #3 · Jan 2nd, 2017 · · · VI: Consummation ·

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7837170 Thank you for the advice though, it's much appreciated!

DarthSylar12

DarthSylar12 #4 · Jan 3rd, 2017 · · · VI: Consummation ·

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This was great. I really loved it.

livinthelife

livinthelife #5 · Jan 3rd, 2017 · 2 · · VI: Consummation ·

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I'm not sure why the rating is so low. It's written reasonably well. The ending was a... lottle bit rushed and that's not really how pregnant works, but I've seen a lot worse get rated a lot better. Must just be the effect of the waifu stealer supreme I suppose.

Kamunari

Kamunari #6 · Jan 3rd, 2017 · · · VI: Consummation ·

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Hmm... on the onehand I really couldn't stand the ending. Pregnancy test within 12 hours is not really reasonable (except in the magical land of Equestria). Ideally having them talk about having a kid durring pillow talk could have been a nice segway to a more formal relationship. Also Trixie starts to feel really out of charecter twords the end, she should demand his seed, boast about her powerful love making skills. I know this fic was sort of setting on a path of becoming a better pony... but in the throws of passion we become more like our true selves and Trixie if far to polite in the ending... atleast here.
On the otherhand, good concept, the paceing feelt good and the Shipping seemed natural. I kinda wish Twilight made more of a fuss, have her present as an Ex or some other form of antagonist. But it was good for a short contained romance fic.

Mackstack

Mackstack #7 · Jan 3rd, 2017 · · · VI: Consummation ·

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7840093 Thanks for the advice/critique, I really appreciate it. Romantic fics aren't something I've really tackled before, so I'm glad to see which parts you thought worked well, and which ones not so well! I'll bear your advice in mind for future projects!

Kamunari

Kamunari #8 · Jan 3rd, 2017 · · · VI: Consummation ·

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7840326
Pfft, that is a foolish and stupid assertion. If it can advance the story anyone can be paired. But my sugestion is Twilight would make a good antagonist in this story if done properly. Be it tyat you ship her as an ex/Flashcurious/head over hooves for Flash or as a Princess of Friendship who deems Flash as unworthy. Either could fit her charecter and make for a good conflict in the story. Your Bias is invalid.

Kamunari

Kamunari #9 · Jan 3rd, 2017 · 1 · · VI: Consummation ·

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7840451
Ha, well congratulations on driving a fairly decent fic into the gutter. Insted of a climax at the end we get a middle of the road ho hum ending that was a chore to read through. The setup was good and the concept was intresting but halfway through I about quit because the only conflict was a stupid consent issue that was blown way out of proportion just to make it seem like there was a conflict. Then it ends up killing the climax of the clop scene. So good job, hope it was worth it.

Kamunari

Kamunari #10 · Jan 3rd, 2017 · 2 · · VI: Consummation ·

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7840570
Dude! Seriously if I hadn't read this lovely piece and commented on what I felt were horrible story choices how would you know how hard your failed, besides the mass of downvotes, the polite critiques sugesting you do this or do that? What I felt was wrong here was wasted potental, my sugestion was one of many that could have been used but was not. If you want to continue berating me for commenting on your lack of vision because you refuse to entertain a story element that could offer a wealth of meterial... well bring it on because Flash Sentry, like Shining Armor are great background charecter who have much to offer thoes who dont close their mind to blind hatred. You refuse to acknowledge EQG, yet the possibility of a FlashLight ship still exists just as much as a TwiMac or a ThunderDash. Background charecters are canvases to paint on, if your refusing use blue because that other guy you hate uses it alot... your going to have a bad time.

livinthelife

livinthelife #11 · Jan 4th, 2017 · · · VI: Consummation ·

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7840570
Sweet comeback, bro. Both reasonable and proportionate. I understand the pain of seeing someone wanting the wrong make believe horse person to kiss that other make believe horse person. The nerve of some people. Don't know what this world is coming to.

Donraj