• Member Since 13th Jan, 2018
  • offline last seen 11 hours ago

Claws And Hooves

Comments ( 140 )

Ok, but if the mares wants some love from the drake, they're have to ask the lead mate first. Of course we might know who the lead mate is... :twilightblush:

To many grammatical errors. But good all the same.

Grab yourself and editor and you got a story.

its starting good, lets hope the next chapters will be way wayWAAAAY longer then this

"You can stay with for as long as you want."Twilight said /need to add the word me after with/

"Spike I know that the orphan is kicking you out /should be orphanage/ although the way it is pretty funny

You can't really tell who is speaking because the spacing is off. Start a new dialogue in a separate paragraph

A decent story, especially in concept but you really need an editor or proofreader.

Great story needs editor badly !!

Sssssoooooooooooo when do we get to the love making scene? :moustache: :heart: :twilightblush:

(singing spookily)Po-ses-sive!

Who knew ponies were Asian. :trollestia:

Totally loving it. :yay:

And for the ending part of this chapter? At least get some pants on or something! :twilightoops:

Equinese was the best sounding name for it I could think of, as to the last part well I'm trying to keep somethings from the show while showing cultural differences and that a big one

What the naked?!?!

You have a grammatical error in your own comment.

Please get an editor.

Get an editor plz.

Least none of them say 'how big is he?' thing.

Can you please get an editor for your story or let me edit it for you? ... I really like the story so far but it has many mistakes in wording that are driving me crazy!!!

Please listen to ShadowXper.

I am a bit confused in the anatomy of Equestria.

You are volunteering to edit it?

Yes, although I have never edited anything before I have wanted to try my hand at it...
I would mainly fix the words that don’t use the right time sense and stuff like that.

I'm not saying no, but I'm going to need to an example before any edit codes are shared. Try picking a ch of anyone of my fics that you like, edit it and send though the sit inbox. If I like it our make the changes give you credit and name you the editor of this fic

It's short but not bad and I'm glad to see you might be getting an Editor which you could use.

Needs a proof reader other then that this is interesting I'd like to see more

Question: are Sunset, Ember, Tempest, and Skystar gonna be in this story?

No, There already a lot of characters to go though

Magic condom broke!
..............................just kidding. :derpytongue2:

Now I wanna see him mate with the rest of the baes.
And probably the Royal Sisters eventually

It's never enough.

I really wish she didn't cast the protection spell, but not everyone can wield magic.

It's an interesting story. But the grammar hurts my eyes

Why the fuck do anthro ponies have crotch boobs?

Aww I wanted Sunset to be here too.

alright haven't read it yet but just a thought, maybe correct all the typos and grammar issues in the description of the story? It's kinda important due to first impressions being everything

so spike found some mexicans in the kitchen then...

just what word were you trying to use?

Has he ever drink from the tap in both of them?

In spite of the rough dialogue, mostly due to its structure not content, the premise of this story is pretty good. Though I can't help but feel the romance is a bit rushed, and the whole pacing of the story as well. Other than that, the worldbuilding so far has me interested.

Spiky should get more of that sweet milk of hers.......................and then some... :moustache:

Comment posted by CosmosGalen deleted Oct 11th, 2018
Comment posted by CosmosGalen deleted Oct 11th, 2018
Comment posted by CosmosGalen deleted Oct 11th, 2018

Seriously this. Just a handful of carriage returns are all you need. The long dialogue sections are a bastard to parse like this.

I'm glad you said this, I have a new editor for this now and have just updated it.

With the reveal of the Kirin, will you be updating it to 7 tribes?

No, The sea ponies and breezies were pony tribes in past gens while the kirin have never been a pony tribe

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