Dear Equestria

by ChAoS pOnY

Dear Equestria

Dear Equestria

By ChAoS pOnY

Dear Equestria,

Do to a few small errors the sun and moon cycle was out of sync by 2 hour 31 minutes 15 seconds. In an attempt to fix this problem I suggested to my sister Princess Celestia two solutions that would fix it. The first one was simple add an extra minute to the night for the next 152 days and then have a day with an extra 45 seconds to get to the correct time. My sister was not happy with this ideal. My second solution was a bit more drastic, make night last the exact time needed and get it over and done with in a single night. My sister disagreed with this plan as well. For the last 2 years I tried to find a better solution, but every plan was vetoed by my sister. Finally I decided to fix it myself and woke up this morning on my moon. So now I am stuck up here for awhile until some one invents space travel and comes and get me or 1,000 years for a rare star alinement so I can teleport home.

Your Princess of The Night

Luna

Princess Celestia's eye twitched as she read the message writen on the face of the Moon. Finally she shook herself and reached out with her magic and rotated the moon so the message couldn't be seen only to find another message.

DEAR SISTER,
YOU CAN KISS MY BUCKING PLOT! WHEN I GET HOME I AM GOING TO BUCKING KICK THE EVER LIVING MANUER OUT OF YOU AND BEAT EVERY SINGLE FEATHER OFF OF THOSE FEATHER DUSTERS YOU CALL WINGS WITH THE 10 TON STONE BASEBALL BAT I AM CURRENTLY MAKING JUST FOR YOU! WHEN I GET DONE WITH YOU THE SUN SET AND SUN RISE WILL BE THE COLOR OF YOUR BURSES! THEN I AM GOING TO PUNT YOU FAT CAKE EATING FLANK SO HARD INTO YOUR SUN THAT IT WILL HAVE SUN SPOTS FOR THE NEXT 1,000 YEARS!!!

YOUR ROYALLY PISS OFF SISTER

AND WHEN I GET HOME

NIGHTMARE

LUNA

To say Celestia was shocked would have been an understatement. Thinking quickly, Celestia searched the night sky and found a meteor shower near by and crashed them into the angry message. When the dust settled she was surprised to find that the impacts made the shape of a mare's head. "Oh well, that will be future Celestia's problem." She said to herself before going back into her new castle in Canterlot to have some more cake.

1,000 years later...

*knock knock knock*

Celestia had just about been ready to leave for the Summer Sun Celibration in Ponyville when the knock came at her chamber door. Walking over to her door she cleared her throat, "Who is it?" She asked.

"Cake-Gram for Princess Celestia." a voice called from the other side of the door.
Celestia yanked open the door and *WAM!!!!* *Thud* a pissed off Luna stood over top of her knocked out sister with a broken moon stone baseball bat. Outside of the door sat two tied up guards "I can't believe that worked." Private Clock said as he watched the Lunar Princess proceed to beat the living daylights out of the Solar Princess by using Princess Cadence and the Captain of the Guard, Shining Armor, as bludgons.

"Trust me, it happens more often than you think." Lt. Obvious said as he finished untying himself and the private. "Last month it was a bug-bear thing hiding inside a giant cake. Some secret government agency got shut down and all the agents got fired for that one. Then there was that crazy pink pony from Ponyville disguised as a cake who snuck in just to shoot Celestia with a dozen cakes out of a cannon. After that was the grey mail mare with her cake of the month club delievery and a muffin launcher to complain about a muffin tax blueblood tried to slip through. There was even an eldric abomination named Cakethulu who chose the wrong princess to attack. After awhile you get use to the cake themed attacks."

"Should we try to stop them?" Private Clock asked as they watched Luna throw Prince Blueblood and strange blue box with a brown pony with a hour glass cutie mark hanging out of it at Celestia, who retaliated with a green mare with dreadlocks and the statue of a strange mix matched creature from the gardens.

"EENOOPEEE!!!!" a large red stallion said as he flew through the air with a grey mare on his back who agreed with him with a 'Mhmm' and holding a sign that said 'Derpy's Delievery Service, We'll ship anything. Just don't ask what went wrong because we don't know. Not responcible for any Everfree Forest related packages turning you bushes into Timber Wolves or containing Parasprites.'.

"Trust me, we don't get paid enough for domestic disputes." Lt. Obvious said as he caught a box of popcorn as it flew through the air and munched on it as he watched a black unicorn with a curved red horn collide with a black and red centaur. "Huh, you don't see many centaurs these days.

"I do not know why I am even in this fic, but I am glad the author is no longer injured and sick." a zebra yelled as she flew across the room hanging onto a cauldron that three filles in red capes rode in yelling something about cutie-mark ammunition.

Eventually the two Princesses finished their fight and a black and blue Celestia made it to Ponyville with her sister and raised the sun in front of a shocked crowd and one very confused looking purple unicorn who just handed 10 bits to the baby dragon on her back and pulled out a flask of applejack she had bought off of Applejack earlier.

The End

Author's Note:

Just something silly as I try to get back into writing.

Comments

[Doctor REDACTED]

10/10, I would read again -IGN

[Transivity]

Cringy but in a Filthyfrank kind of way. I like it.

[Bojack H]

i love the premise but it needs maybe a little more work. the cake-themed attacks were good though as well.

[ponyponipon3]

Rather funny, definitely random
"Cakethulu" was inspired
Could use proofreading
All-in-all, a fair comeback effort,
three hooves out of five

[SkyLovesPie]

3.5/5 stars.
Reason(s): It could use a little bit of help on the grammar side of things, and I usually get royally ticked off by improper grammar, but I didn't this time. So the reason you missed on 1 and a half stars is because I'm the grammar police...

[ChAoS pOnY]

7790032 I never let the details get in the way of a good story. SOOOO...........

[SkyLovesPie]

7790141 I understand

[Comrade Bagel Muffin]

Okay so Pros first. I loved the stories humor. The comedy was well done, well placed, and well paced not going to fast and not to slow. Jokes gave their punches with just enough ompf and the next joke showed up to keep up the funny. Characters were in character the whole time loved it. I also liked the letters that opened the story and the dialogue between the two guards.

Cons there were two grammatical errors in the story and that's about it this was a great story, The princesses weren't in their character but like I said above you gave them a character and they stuck to it so not really a con.

Great Job!

[Flash_Magnus]

Other than the grammar at some points, this was funny

[TacoTues4Eva]

This was funny as hell, glad I found it. Loved seeing a version of Luna like this and seeing how easy Celestia fell for the trap was perfect. Have a 👍