What would happen if somepony were to get the power to change reality itself with the slightest of ease? would they change the world for better or worse? Or would they just screw around it instead?
Chapters (10)
TheGuyWithTheFace
Joined 29th Jun, 2012 ·
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This is my first story so I'd like to hear what people think
The Reality Warper Cover? SWEET!
Anyway, this story seems promising. I shall read it!
I am interested, now allow me to go nuts.
The plague of bad dialodic grammar is still around!
(yes, dialodic, dialogue but different and it sounds cool) Do not end your dialogue with a period if you are going to say anything like 'he said, he asked, he inquired, etc.' after it.
If you would be so kind as to space out your paragraphs, that would be nice. Easier to read that way.
Keep the ponies' names in mind, I found you called Celestia, Celestial and then Crimson, crimson at one point each.
Right, so other than that fun spewing of editor twitchiness, it's looking pretty good. Have fun writing as I have found it to be and the story will show it. Good-day.
891092
thanks for the edits, I really suck at proof-reading and grammar
I think I fixed all the mistakes you mentioned
Sorry if this chapter's a little slow, I'd say I need one more to set things up before stuff actually starts happening.
Again, I'd love to hear what people think.
this took me WAY longer than it should have
writer's block is a bitch
There seems to be a distinct lack of comments for this story... (I'm sensing a pattern, here.) Anyway, you might want to look over this latest chapter for verb tense issues. You were jumping between present and past tense a few times.
Anyway, keep it up. We're reading.
1193882
thank you on two levels,
1) i always appreciate comments and feedback
2) this should motivate me to get off my ass and finish the next chapter
Writer's block you say?
filesmelt.com/dl/writers_remidy.jpg
On a more serious note, glad to see another chapter here, and looking forward to the next one.
Since you also asked for predictions, I'll give you mine. The potions fail, Twilight suggest that he learn to control it before Glass gets deeper into his depression(Hey, if he can't do small, he can do big). Then a training montage in which Glass realizes he has practically unlimited power, followed by shenanigan and ending with a cliche "Power is meaningless without the knowledge to control it" type feeling.
1310849
While I won't say anything about most of that, I can confirm that shenanigans will indeed be present. There is also a 50% chance of varying degrees of hilarity ensuing
My, my! Aren't we demanding? Heh.
I wish I could help you with editing, but I have two authors with varying stories to edit, already. While you may not get someone with the greatest of editing knowledge, please try to find someone (a friend or someone willing to help in the groups) to pre-read/edit for you. Sticking with GDocs and letting them comment on where things need to be fixed will help you recognize problem areas such as missing words and grammar.
Now that my little rant is out of the way, sorry that I haven't commented till now. I've been extraordinarily bus- I mean lazy. I don't have much to say about this chapter though, other than it was nice seeing you use the situation instead of the characters brushing it off entirely.
1341553
I'm sorry, what was that last part?
I didn't really understand what you're saying and I'd like to know what i should continue doing
1345221
Just a comment on how well you're doing with emotions is all. Some authors will forget that the characters have them and continue the story without thinking about them.
Well... that was... sudden. Pinkie was right about it being a Deus Ex Machina. Now all that's left is figuring out where that voice is coming from. Who cares if he doesn't get cured? As long as he constantly uses magic, it won't build up, and therefore won't kill him. I could live with that. "Oh, kite in a tree? Magic." "I want some eggs. Magic." "Gotta paint the living room? Magic that shit!" Etc, etc.
1424903
The ring is only a temporary cure, and i'm nowhere near finishing
that should tell you all you need for now
Oh, so now you want me to not comment at all? You so flip-floppity...
Anyway, I can't seem to recall if he had that voice in his head before or not, but it's definitely sounding like a Discord-esque voice. Methinks the ring would have toned that down a bit too, but oh well. (Still think that the magic overdose thing is resolved, so what if he has to wear a ring all the time [rings are cool!])
1490711
1) I of course want you to comment, you're awesome and should feel awesome
2) all will be explained in time
This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors
Name of Story: Piece of Chaos
Grammar score out of 10: 5.5
Pros:
- Discord is always good character to write about
- Twilight seemed reasonably well portrayed
- Humorous at times
Cons:
- Dialogue punctuation. You frequently neglect to end the dialogue with any form of punctuation, save for the end quotation marks. This distracted me a fair bit from the story
- Often spelling mistakes. There was a number of times where you spelled words wrong, words that you could probably catch with any spell-checker. Such as 'criticism', or writing 'it' instead of 'is' by mistake.
- Other grammatical errors, mostly with missing commas.
Notes Section:
This seems like a good concept, and the actual style of writing is pretty nice. The main thing that let you down was the frequent and off-putting grammatical errors. I would seriously recommend finding a proofreader to catch them, if you find yourself unable to see where you've gone wrong. If you do wish to find a proofreader, I would recommend checking out the Proofreaders and people willing to proof-read group. Overall though, the concept of it, the writing style and the characterisation was alright, so I've given this a like.
I hope this review has been somewhat useful to you, and I would really appreciate it if you could check out my story: Oldnew Luna
Dan
1887156
thanks for the review, I'll read your story now,
Just wondering, is this based on the first chapter alone or the whole thing?
Also a note on the dialogue punctuation, I had done what you said originally but was corrected by StapleCactus above.
1887574 Ah, I based it off of the first 4 chapters, I was going to do it on the whole thing, but I got caught up in other work. So, instead of just not doing a review, I based it off the chapters I had read.
Also, he said not to end it with a period if the dialogue tags come after it, this is right, but he forgot to say that you replace it with a comma.
1887860
understood, Thanks a lot for the review, I'll give you mine as soon As I'm done with it, might take a little while though
1887885 Thanks, it is a rather long piece. I await your feedback.
So this is just amazing.
Pros:
-I laughed my ass off. I can't get over how funny this was.
-Great OC's which is always a plus.
-Engaging plot.
Cons: Maybe make it a tad darker?
Notes: Overall I gotta say this fic is just awesome.
1926288
Woah, didn't expect that much praise lol
As to the darkness of it: I've got a plan
I'll give your story a read in a little while and give you my opinion
You first hooked me with that snazzy cover art but you're reeling me in with the comedy. Awesome fic, but if you want to catch me you've gotta make it just a taaaad bit darker. (:
...oh geez. That was a good one. XD
And so begins the fall into discord.
Okay, I probably would have dropped and un-fav'd the story immediately because of the whole thing with Twi (this doesn't have a romance tag; therefore I didn't assume there was going to be romance
) but now that Glassy's magic has begun to corrupt him I think I'll keep reading.
2244773
thank you, the cover art's from the TV tropes page for Reality Warpers
as for darkness, I've got a plan going
one can't appreciate darkness without first witnessing the light *insert evil laugh*
2244831
there's no romance tag because this isn't a romance story,
the crush on twilight will serve its purpose but it's not the main focus so I didn't feel the tag would be justified
2244887
Ooh...I'm excited.
*becomes an Igor and rubs hands maniacally while TGWTF pulls a huge evil switch*
It's seems this chapter has not seen the editor?
2632744
sorry, I've always been terrible at editing, I've got a couple pre-readers but only one responded to this chapter and that was only with one correction, I'll give it another read-through and try to find the errors I missed
2632928 well the main thing really is the multiple use of "i" and not "I" then the spacing between each paragraph and stuff. What you do after each paragraph is an extra space. Have one space free in between each paragraph
other than that. I'm loving the story 
2633456
Thanks, I love to hear that
As for the Typo's I can blame that on Google docs, I'm used to word which will auto capitalize things like that
God help you evil voice in Looking Glass' head, who is probably Discord. God help you.
This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors helping Authors
Name of story: Piece of Chaos
Grammar score out of 10: 4(early on) 9(later)
Pros:
An amazing premise for a story
Dynamic characters
Unique style
Cons:
Poor grammar, particularly for dialogue
Looking Glass seems a little too volatile at times
Inconsistent paragraphing.
Notes: Sometimes you use indents and sometimes you don't. You also tend to underuse paragraphs, leading to long sections of text that end up being glazed over. You characters are very well written, including Twilight. I highly suggest reading the writing guide under the FAQ tab, and then reading it again. Then read it a few more times for good measure. Doing so will help your grammar issues and will allow the readers to focus on the story instead.
Otherwise, keep up the good work.
*update* Liked and faved, I really like where this is headed
You must continue this story. Scenarios where reality warping powers given to mortals always make for a great story!