Piece of Chaos

by TheGuyWithTheFace

Chapter 10

Lying on his new couch, Looking Glass rested in near total darkness. Seriously man, how long do you plan on moping in the dark for? a currently unwelcomed voice asked within Looking Glass’s mind. You got friendzoned... again... hard, but that was yesterday...no wait, two days ago, you really need to get out of here. You know the old saying: winners never...

SHUT UP!

I was going for give up but that works fairly well too.

No, YOU shut up, I’m not taking your advice anymore.

Oh come on, you can’t possibly be blaming this on me. I’m just a branch of your unconscious, it seemed like a good plan to me.

Yeah, well it failed, so I’m just gonna refer you to my last response of: SHUT UP. With that scolding, the voice quieted down , leaving Looking Glass to the blankness of his thoughts...

...for about 14 seconds, at which point he heard three knocks on his door. Looking Glass gritted his teeth at the attempted intrusion, and yelled “GO away Crimson, I don’t want to hear any plan you came up with. And don’t bother with the door, i reinforced it already.”

His response came in an unexpectedly feminine and refined voice saying “Duly noted darling, but I must insist that we talk”

“…Rarity?”

“In the flesh, now please do open up, its rather rude to keep a lady waiting.” A somewhat panicked rummaging could be heard inside the dark house and a few moments later the door creaked partially open, revealing a very tiny red pupil, along with the right side of Looking Glass’s face.

“H-hey Rarity... what’s up?” Looking Glass said, trying (and failing) to act nonchalant.Rarity’s stare clearly showed she wasn’t particularly amused.

“I’d love to tell you darling, after you decide to actually show yourself. Come on now, I won’t bite.” Begrudgingly, Looking Glass gave in and opened the door fully, revealing him in all his unkempt glory, from slightly red eyes, to unruly mane, to filthy coat. “oh...oh dear”

With a sigh crimson asked “So what was it you wanted to-” Before he could finish, he was roughly grab by the leg with magic and away.

“We can talk later darling, right now we need you in my boutique immediately, you should have called me MUCH sooner.”

“I didn’t call you at all”

“Precisely” Looking Glass sighed, resigning himself to his fate, hoping it wouldn’t be too unpleasant.
______________________________________________________________________________

“AHH, stop that!” Looking Glass shouted as a hairbrush was roughly pulled through his knotted mane.

“I’m sorry darling but I simply can’t do that. If i let you leave here in the condition you’re in then I’d be compromising everything I stood for."

“Oww! Is sadism one of them?” he hissed bitterly.

Rarity rolled her eyes. “Really now, even sweetie belle doesn’t complain this much when her mane needs brushing. Granted you’re a rather... advanced case, but still you’re a grown stallion, do you really expect to be able to woo Twilight like this?” Maybe it was the pain, or just how unexpected the comment was but it took Looking Glass a good few seconds to actually register what was said.

“I-I, what are you talking about?”

“There’s no point to playing dumb, I’m good friends with Roseluck and she mentioned a certain awkward stallion buying purple irises. I didn’t think particularly much of it at first but when i saw the bouquet at Twilights this morning well, you know the rest. By the way very good choice quite romantic.”

“Tha- Oww! Thanks, at least someone thought so” Looking Glass said with a slight frown.

“Yes, that’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about dear” Rarity said a bit sheepishly as she put away her brush. “I understand your heart’s in the right place, but I don’t think Twilight is the right target for your affections. As you can personally attest to, she’s not exactly well versed in romantic matters. In her mind you're just a particularly friendly friend. it’s perhaps in both your best interests if you... back off a bit. For them moment at least. She’s bound to figure out what romance looks like eventually, and when she does you have my blessing.”

During Rarity’s lecture Looking Glass frown had only grown deeper but at the same time he knew she was right. It was painful to admit it but, he was beginning to see just how futile his attempts were. He let out a defeated sigh and said “Yeah, I think you might be right on this one.” Just then a small but unmistakable grin crept onto Glass’s face. “Heh, it’s funny, you sound just like Crimson.” Rarity immediately grimaced at the comparison but quickly regained her composure.

“Yes well, I’ll try to take that as a compliment.” Looking Glass expected as much, the two ponies weren't particularly compatible. “At any rate, I’m quite happy to see you've come to your senses on the matter. I’d suggest that you perhaps take a nice stroll to clear your head; it always does wonders for me when I’m stressed.”

“Yeah, that actually sounds really nice right now.” Looking Glass made a motion to get up from his chair but was immediately shoved back down by magic.

“I can’t quite release you yet my dear, there’s one detail that needs fixing for you.” The brown pegasus’s eyes grew wide (well, one got wide, the other got wider) in fear.

“What?!” he asked his some alarm, “I thought you had finished up with my hair, you put the brush away and everything.”

“Ahem, yes well, i have solved that problem, the new problem is less to do with design and more to do it pigmentation as it were.”

“... Wait, you want to dye my hair.”

“Yes”

“Uhhh, how about no, thanks.”

“I was hoping you wouldn't need to see this but...”

“Ouch” crimson yelp in surprise as a hair was plucked from his mane. “What was that for?" Without a word Rarity magically moved the hair in front of Looking Glass, giving the unicorn a clear look at the tiny gray hair. “Okay, I've got a gray hair or two, that’s not that big a deal for stallions.”

“I’d share your disinterest if there were only one or two as you said, but, well... see for yourself” Rarity disposed of the hair and took up a small vanity mirror to crimson’s face, letting him see the 3 relatively small clusters of stone gray hair on his mane. For a minute or two, he simply stared in shock at the volume of it. “Shall I take your reaction as consent?” Looking Glass nodded. “Excellent, I’ll try to finish this up as quickly as possible.”

“Please, take your time.”
______________________________________________________________________________

One batch of chemicals later and a once again brown maned unicorn exited the Carousel Boutique. Having nowhere in particular to go Looking Glass took Rarity’s advice and went for a nice long walk. Looking Glass glanced to either side of him, arbitrarily turned left and just started walking.

after about 15 minutes of peaceful walking Looking Glass’s mind was cleared and his face held a bright, contented smile. Without any actual destination in mind Looking Glass had for the most part been going in circles, taking random turns whenever he felt like it. He was now walking through Ponyville’s crowded market place. He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath of the air wafting from the flower stands mixed in with that from the apple families pie stand. It was then that he was stuck hard by something of substantial weight and speed from in front of him, knocking him clear off of his feet.

Dazed, it took a second or two for Looking Glass to return to his senses as he was helped to his feet by a few bystanders who witnessed the accident. He noted the fact that concerned ponies had at this point created a large clearing around him.Looking Glass looked across the enclosure to another group of ponies helping an off balance grey pegasus whom he surmised was what had hit him. Concerned, Looking glass thanked those that came to his aid and rushed over to the mare across from him. “Are you alright miss?” he asked.

The mare shook her head wildly, making her blond mane thrash around on her head. When she looked up Looking Glass’s gaze was drawn to the eyes staring at his own, or more accurately her left eye which seemed to find the clouds to her left much more fascinating. it was then that he recognizes her as Ponyville’s mail mare. “I’m really sorry, I don’t always fly too straight,” she apologized as her gaze lowered in embarrassment.

“Don’t be, my eyes were closed for a bit there, I really should have been watching where I was going Der-” Looking Glass had to quickly bite his tongue before finishing his last remark and the quickly covered, saying “Ditzy. I’m really sorry Ditzy.” he smiled broadly in an ill-fated attempt to pretend that hadn't happened. realizing she wasn't buying it he quietly repeated, “Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Ditzy replied in slightly better spirits. “Everyone just uses the nickname anyway.” She tried to look as happy as possible but Looking Glass was still able to make out signs of embarrassment. it was then he heard a slightly too loud comment from the crowd surrounding them.

“Heh, idiot can’t even fly in a straight line.” Looking Glass turned away to try to find whoever made the remark but couldn't pick out anyone in the circle. Looking Back to Ditzy he saw that she too had obviously heard the comment and had given up on hiding her embarrassment, Looking Glass could also detect what looked like a small tear forming at the corner on her eye. Feeling terrible for the poor mare Looking Glass search his brain desperately for a way to help her when he suddenly got an idea.

“Ditzy.” She looked up at him sadly. “Tell me are your eyes the only reason for your... lack of coordination?”

She stared at him quizzically and answer “yeah, my lazy eye makes it really hard to focus, why?”

“Do me a favor and close your eyes for a second.” Taken off-guard a bit, she hesitated but quietly complied, taking a breath and closing her eyes. Ditzy stood in silent darkness waiting to find out what the unicorn was planning to do when she felt something touch the bridge of her nose right between her eyes. Even more curious she had to fight her instinct to open her eyes. Then she started to feel an odd sensation radiate from whatever was touching her. It was a strange feeling, like a warmth only with a bit of electricity to it. The warmth began to grow and grow, until she saw a bright light from behind her eyelids. Once the light had faded, Ditzy reopened her eyes to see Looking Glass Staring at her in anticipation. She pieced together that whatever he had done was successful based on his massive smile and the gasps of the ponies around them. She scanned the crowd, eliciting even more gasps and hushed murmurs and then returned to looking at the unicorn in front of her with confusion. That was when she realized something: she was looking straight ahead. Not straight head and up to the left, just straight ahead.

Ditzy simply stood in silence with her mouth agape for a few moments, creating a fairly awkward situation for Looking Glass. “Ummm.... I take it it worked?” He was then hit by Ditzy once again, this time very much on purpose with outstretched arms and a crushing grip.

Looking Glass happily returned the hug and they held it until Ditzy broke off and offered a small “Thank you,” after which she sprang away like a shot into a massive loop in the air. a somewhat faint “WOOOHOOO” could be heard from the ground. With Ditzy taken care of Looking Glass turned his attention to the still shocked crowd around him, all staring silently, almost anxiously at him.

“...can I help you?...” Looking Glass would then realize how poorly he chose those words as the crowd’s silence transformed into a cacophony of noise and they collapsed in on him.

“My Grandfather’s in the hospital!”

“I have a broken leg!”

“My hoof hurts!”

“I haf a lithp”

“I’m fat!”

“I can’t hear out of my left ear!”

“I've got a bad haircut!”

“What?!”

“I don’t know why we’re yelling!”

Looking Glass panicked as the crowd closed in farther and farther. Teleport!

huh?

TELEPORT, NOW!!! Listening to himself Looking Glass put as much energy as he could into his horn and tried to imagine his living room. There was a bright flash, and pop, and suddenly the center of attention was nowhere to be found. The ponies searched the area desperately for a short time before accepting that he had left. Disappointed, they all sulked away to whatever it was they had been doing beforehand.
______________________________________________________________________________

A flash could be seen from outside Looking Glass’s small house. Inside, Looking Glass laid on his couch trying to contain the panic attack he had just experienced and calm down his breathing to a more reasonable panting as opposed to full blown hyperventilation.

“Ho...Ly... SHIT”

My... well, our... thoughts exactly. That was close.

You're telling me I barely got out of there.

… Well?

Well what?

Don’t you have something to say to me? maybe, I don’t know, thank you?

Oh, yeah, I guess so, thanks for getting me out of there.

It is my job after all. does this me I’m not getting the cold shoulder anymore?

Yeah, I guess so, I’ll try to listen to you sometimes. just not with Twilight.

Its a start. With that bit of his mind satisfied, Looking Glass was left to think over that whole incident. what started as a simple good deed descended into a full-blown riot. Finally in a quiet place, Looking Glass was able to actually consider what the crowd had said. They all wanted his help in one form or another, and a handful of them sounded like they were in serious need.Looking Glass got off his couch and started walking around his living room until his reached his mirror. Looking at his reflection he thought able everything he could potentially do with his power. Ditzy just proved he can solve problems conventional magic and science couldn't, so why stop at fixing one poor mare’s eyesight?

With a smile on his face Looking Glass made his decision. Starting tomorrow he was going to start helping people, any and every way he could, and considering the breadth of his abilities so far, there would be plenty of ways. Nodding in commitment to his reflection, Looking Glass turned away and head to his kitchen for some much needed food. Strangely He almost heard a noise, like somepony groaning. Looking Glass just laughed however, dismissing it as the house or something outside.

Comments

[Theblacksmithbrony]

It's seems this chapter has not seen the editor?

[TheGuyWithTheFace]

2632744
sorry, I've always been terrible at editing, I've got a couple pre-readers but only one responded to this chapter and that was only with one correction, I'll give it another read-through and try to find the errors I missed

[Theblacksmithbrony]

2632928 well the main thing really is the multiple use of "i" and not "I" then the spacing between each paragraph and stuff. What you do after each paragraph is an extra space. Have one space free in between each paragraph other than that. I'm loving the story

[TheGuyWithTheFace]

2633456
Thanks, I love to hear that
As for the Typo's I can blame that on Google docs, I'm used to word which will auto capitalize things like that

[TheFlame]

God help you evil voice in Looking Glass' head, who is probably Discord. God help you.

[Lightning Flick_r]

This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors helping Authors
Name of story: Piece of Chaos
Grammar score out of 10: 4(early on) 9(later)
Pros:
An amazing premise for a story
Dynamic characters
Unique style

Cons:
Poor grammar, particularly for dialogue
Looking Glass seems a little too volatile at times
Inconsistent paragraphing.

Notes: Sometimes you use indents and sometimes you don't. You also tend to underuse paragraphs, leading to long sections of text that end up being glazed over. You characters are very well written, including Twilight. I highly suggest reading the writing guide under the FAQ tab, and then reading it again. Then read it a few more times for good measure. Doing so will help your grammar issues and will allow the readers to focus on the story instead.

Otherwise, keep up the good work.

*update* Liked and faved, I really like where this is headed

[Goffee]

You must continue this story. Scenarios where reality warping powers given to mortals always make for a great story!