Punch
On a cold spring night Fluttershy walked home from a night at her friend Rarities house. She had a lot of fun watching movies and playing games and doing other girlie things like putting make up in each other.
Anyways, she walks for a little while when a big handsome muscular man with a sweet hat runs up to her. “Hey, Fluttershy!” he yelled super loudly. “I really don't like you cus you're really quiet and that's sickiningly adorable and I hate it!”
“Oh no.” Fluttershy said. “What are you going to do!?!?!”
“Im going to punch you in the face!” And then he did so and Fluttershy fell down and cried alot and the man feels super happy.
The end.
~~~
An elderly man with white hair and cyan skin placed the paper on his desk and rubbed his temples.
“What's wrong, Doc?” a young man with dirty blonde hair and a slight tan asked with a nervous look on his face.
“Heartless Bastard, is this how you genuinely feel towards Fluttershy?” the therapist asked with a sigh. “You've spoken so much about her—and told me you ache for her love—yet here you are with a story about you punching her in the face.”
“Well, I've gotten so aggravated that I can't simply muster up the courage to ask her out!” Heartless said. “I just want to tell her how I really feel to her face…”
The therapist sat back in his chair and rested his hands on his lap. “And how do you think you should do that?”
“Well, I wrote a poem about us hunting endangered species,” Heartless said. “Then I tried drawing a picture of us dancing in the middle of a bunch of injured animals.” He tapped his chin before he said, “Oh, and last week, duct taped a wounded bird prop on her locker with a letter pinned to it asking her to the Winter dance!”
“You know she loves animals, yet you deliberately include harmed animals when asking her out,” the therapist said. “Does it ever occur to you as to why she's rejected you so much?”
“Nope!”
The therapist facepalmed. “Forget it,” he said. “What's your next ingenious plan?”
“To punch her in the face!”
The therapist facepalmed again. “Heartless, punching her isn't going to make her love you,” he said. “It's going to get you suspended. Heck, it'll get you sent to jail for assault!”
“Well, what do you think I should do then!?”
The therapist shook his head. “At this point, Heartless, I think you should just give up,” he said. “I doubt even someone like Fluttershy would forgive you.”
Heartless Bastard glared at his therapist. “I’ll show you!” he growled. “I'll make her love me, and I'll laugh at you until I die!” With that, he got up and walked towards the door. “Nothing will stop me!”
The therapist sighed as he Heartless Bastard left the room. “Well, he only had four minutes left,” he said. “I wonder if he remembered to pay.”
---
Heartless Bastard walked down the street towards Fluttershy's house. “She will love me,” he growled. “For my name isn't Heartless Isotope Bastard the sixteenth!”
After a few minutes of walking, he arrived at Fluttershy's cottage. He walked up to the front door and knocked on it.
Fluttershy answered the door. “Y-yes?” she asked.
“Fluttershy! It is I—Heartless Bastard!” Heartless proclaimed in an ostentatious tone of voice as he entered the home. “I wish to ask for you to go on a date with me or I shall punch you in the face!”
Sunset Shimmer looked over from a red velvet couch. “Wait, you'll do what!?” she asked.
“Do you accept my proposal?” Heartless asked, ignoring Sunset like a sandwich covered in maggots. “Or shall I punch thee in thy face?”
“Oh, um, I mean—you’re a… um…” Fluttershy backed away. “Sunset, please help.”
“Fine then!” Heartless stormed up to Fluttershy and raised his fist, but Sunset intervened, and threw a punch of her to Heartless Bastard’s stomach, which caused him to stagger back.
“You will not lay a hand on Fluttershy you bastard!” Sunset growled. She turned out and told Fluttershy, “go call the police. I'll hold-”
Heartless Bastard threw a punch to Sunset's jaw, which knocked a tooth out. “Well, you may not be Fluttershy, but you're still kinda cute,” he said. “But, your hair is-”
Sunset kicked Heartless in his groin, which caused him to hiss in pain. “I don't care what you think about me!” she snarled. “I won't let you harm my friend!”
“But I must express my love for her!” he whined. “How else can I tell her she's disgustingly adorable!?”
Sunset tilted her head. “Uh, what?”
“Never mind!” Heartless grabbed Sunset's shirt and threw her into the living room before he chased after Fluttershy—who was in the kitchen. “Fluttershy!” he yelled as he entered the room.
Fluttershy jumped and stood back against the wall. “Please, send someone right now!” she said to the 911 operator.
“Listen, I just want to say that I truly lo-”
Before he could finish his sentence, Sunset bashed a picture frame against Heartless’ head, which caused him to stumble around like a drunken dancer. “Come on, Sunset, I just want to punch her!’
Sunset grabbed Heartless’s collar and threw him to the ground. She went to stomp on him, but he grabbed her leg and tripped her, which caused her to fall flat on her butt.
Heartless stood up and walked towards Fluttershy. “Finally, the moment I've been waiting for!” he exclaimed as he brought down his fist and struck her cheek. “Now, for the-”
WHAM!
Heartless's fist grazed Fluttershy's other cheek before he fell flat on his face with a loud thud.
Sunset dropped a rolling pin and sighed. “Well, with any luck, he won't won't wake up for a while.” She walked over to her friend and rested a hand on her shoulder. “You hurt at all?”
Fluttershy rubbed her cheek and shook her head. “I'm fine,” she said. “You look like you took a beating.”
Sunset chuckled. “I’ve had worse,” she said. “Though, I can't say I've ever been in a situation like this.”
Fluttershy nodded as the police pulled up outside her home. “Oh, thank heavens,” she said as a policeman ran into the room.
“Ah, hello,” Sunset said. “I don't think he’ll be resisting.”
“I'm still somewhat consc… con… bleh…”
The officer nodded and cuffed the somewhat conscious Heartless Bastard before helping him up. “Hey, isn’t your brot-”
“My whole family's a disaster,” Heartless Bastard said. “Except for Eyeless Bastard, but that's because he's dead.”
The officer rolled his eyes. “You two should come with me. You look like you could use a bit of patching up,” he said before he walked out of the room.
The two girls nodded and followed. “What do you think the others will say?” Sunset asked.
“They’ll probably wish they could've helped you save that tooth,” Fluttershy said. “Or our group picture.”
“Yeah,” Sunset said as she stepped outside. “Oh well, at least the TV survived!”
Fluttershy giggled. “That's true,” she replied as she and Sunset approached an ambulance, and prepared for an immense amount of questioning.
---
Later that day, Heartless Bastard’s therapist sat on his beige recliner chair and turned on the local news.
“Our top story tonight: a student of Canterlot High-school has been arrested for assaulting two fellow students.”
The therapist sighed. “Guess it runs in the family,” he said to himself. “First Soulless Bastard, now Heartless. I wonder when Brain-dead Bastard will fuck up.”
Stats
Page generated in 0.108 seconds
Total duration
1,021 users online
1,439,143 hits today, 1,996,409 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Ya know... That's a funny description. I'll read this later I promise.
Somebody watched a certain Family Guy episode, methinks.
7693950 I haven't watched Family Guy in a long time.
Honestly, this was an idea that sprang to mind a few weeks back.
Which episode are you talking about though? I'm kinda interested in watching it now.
What is this
7693954 It's that one where Quagmire gets choked to near death at the end, the, er...abusive relationship episode with his sister...who got her head slammed into a wall by her abusive boyfriend...and her eyes blackened...and other horrible crap...
The one I hate along with mostly everything else created by that crappy excuse of comedy acting Seth McFarlene. Seriously, the guy uses the same jokes over and over again. It gets tiring real fast.
That;s my opinion of the guy, so if you or anyone else here likes the guys work, take my comment with a pinch of salt okay?
7693982 I'm not even sure myself.
I just thought it sounded funny.
So I wrote it.
Hope you laughed!
Kind of funny. That's about it.
Saving grace of this is that you had Sunset actually fight back and had some form of justification-extremely stupid justification from a very stupid and disturbed individual but justification nonetheless. If this story had just been about a random guy punching Fluttershy, it would have been much worse.
7693984 Umm... I think I know which you're talking about actually. My memory's really damn hazy on it.
Also, I don't entirely disagree with what you say. The "one trick pony" issue you have with him is actually something I fear when it comes to my writing.
I do, however, enjoy American Dad.
Have you ever tried pitting an effort Into this instead of writing an abuse fic
7693991 I did contemplate that (random person walks up, punches her), but I couldn't think of a way to go beyond that.
Anyways, glad you found it kind of funny! Thanks for reading!
7694013 My intent wasn't to write an abuse fic—it was to write a really goofy (and nonsensical) story. I'm sorry that it came across as an abuse fic.
7694001 American Dad has problems, but it's at least fewer than what Family Guy has going. It is a show where people actually tell Seth when he's going too far. Family Guy has become Seth's main means of showing his hatred of society, his loathing of different people.
Plus he stole a video from a YouTube channel and used it in an episode once. Did you know that? Took a clip of a basketball video game from some gaming channel (I think) and used it in an episode without the owner's permission. He EVENTUALLY confessed to it, but it's still pretty a crappy thing for him to do.
Copyright is bulls**t. It rarely applies to the people with more money than us.
Oh sorry. I'm ranting about things unrelated to the story. I am sorry. I'll delete my comments if you want me to. You must want only criticism from readers, not pointless banter from British idiots like myself.
7694030 Don't delete them. I agree with your points, but if you wish to continue, sent me a PM.
7693950 I found the reference from watching a skit from MAD, which I found funny by the way.
7694036 Oh no no no, I'm all ranted out, cheers. :)
7694042 MAD do good stuff. Which skit if I may ask please? I haven't watched much MAD stuff since I'm working on my Christmas animation for this year.
7694065 Guy Pearce get Punched in the Face!
7694070 Geez, are you Speedy Gonzales? You typed that out before I sent mine, it was that fast a response!
7694027 if it's nonsensical why did u write it
7694075 Gee um...Thanks Dude. That really means something to me.
7694097 Hey hey! Write a sentence ten words long the moment you finish reading this comment. Three two one GO!
7694079 I thought it'd be fun because, sometimes, nonsensical stuff can be fun (in my opinion). Heck, I find writing it to be fun. Especially when you play it straight faced!
That said, I'm sorry you didn't find it fun.
7694105 In this MLP Fanfic Story, Fluttershy gets PUNCHED in the FACE!
7694135 Mmm...not that fast that time, but whatever. You get a cookie at least.
7694110 As long as you never stoop low enough to write a clopfic, you might be a worthwhile person to follow. Let's see how your next stories come along first though, okay?
7694142 Wohoo!
7694147 That was quick.
7694149 How's this?
7694151 Stop showing off and comment normally on this guy's story. Say something nice about it in less than one minute.
7694110 random fics are one thing the point is to kinda act as if nothing is wrong when you write a random fic
But when you wrote something with no coherent sense, it's not very good at all I learned that once when I wrote a story about pinkie writing a story about sunset shimmer
It was basically the literary equivalent oF roadkill and I kinda had to delete it
But that's my 2 cents
7694154 At least Heartless gets arrested for assault, and by forcing Flutters to date him against her will.
7694146 I have no intention of doing so. I'd like to write a romance story, however.
You know. On one hand, this started like a troll fic. And then it went meta. Humorously meta, in fact. I have to say that this was far more entertaining than I thought it would be. I like it.
7694187 Read other romance fanfics to get a rough idea how to do it. Otherwise try to imagine what you would consider to be romantic in your mind and use that in your story, however sappy or ridiculous it is. Love can be silly itself, after all.
Not that I would know. I've never had the luxury of holding a girl in my arms. Not yet at least. Sigh...
souless, heartless, brain-dead, and prince blueblood. the top 4 worst people in mlp. dead do not count.
Not a single one punch man joke?
I am dissapoint
I don't know what I just read
.
.
.
But I like it
At first when I saw this being promoted in a thread, I was like WHAT KINDA JERK WOULD PUNCH FLUTTERSHY, HOW WOULD HE LIKE A TASTE OF HIS OWN MEDICINE?!
And then after reading the story, I was like, Heartless Bastard, you idiot
now i want to hear more about the "bastard" family
....I feel like quoting Spoony.....and then acting upon that quote.
7777195 Do it! I'm a big fan of him!
7777364 Alright.....Heartless Bastard.....I WILL PUNCH YOU IN THE FUCKING SOUL!!! XO
7777370 "You're in my spot, Sunset."
7807607 Glad you liked it!
I thought this was silly and nonsensical. But thou has dared to make typos!
7967995 That was intentional. The first part of the story is meant to be Heartless Bastard's "fanfic" (I usually use three tilde's to represent a dream or something similar—in this case, his story).
7968776
Okay, so I should be directing my facehoofing at Heartless, not you, got it.
"Proceeds to contact Heartless"