The Start of Negotiations.
I nervously paced back and forth in my throne room. This is bad, really bad. I have an alicorn, who’s basically a god among ponies, who's probably really ticked off that she been ponynapped. Even worse by Changelings!
What would she do? Blast us with her magic? Summoned an army of love knights? Or send a message to the other Alicorns? I gulped at the thought of the deity of the Sun bringing the Sun closer to fry us.
The thought alone sent shivers down my spine. I never saw her in the flesh but the stories and rumors did paint a picture of what she was capable of. She’s probably planning on how to storm my hive right at this moment!
Meanwhile in the Crystal Empire!
A loud sneeze was heard from the Solar Princess.
“Bless you,” her sister and a few guards said. Said Princess made a handkerchief appeared to wipe her muzzle.
“Thank you.”
Back at the hive!
“My queen, you need to calm down,” one of my advisors, Mell, said. “If you don’t you’ll send the hive into a panic.”
I stared at her for a moment before taking some deep breaths. I still felt nervous but I wasn’t freaking out. Yet.
“Alright, so we have an Alicorn in the hive that has a bad history with Changelings,” I began to say until something felt off. There’s an Alicorn in the hive, and the hive is still standing. My knowledge of ponies isn’t that great but aren’t Alicorns supposed to be the mix of all three ponies? That would mean she would be able to use magic, so why isn’t she?
“My queen, what’s the plan?” I heard another of my advisors, Ilikon, ask me. I blinked at him for a moment. Maybe this isn’t as bad as I thought, she hasn’t blasted us yet so maybe there’s a chance to win her over or something like that, technically she was our guest so~.
“You there!” I yelled as I turned around, and pointed at a random drone. The drone stopped in its tracks and started to look around, two other drones sidestepped away from said drone.
“Y-yes my queen?” the drone, male, asked.
“I want you to head to the chamber with our guest and get her something to drink,” I ordered. The drone saluted me and headed out of the chamber quickly. I looked over at Ilikon, remembering something that I should have asked.
“How did the raids go?” I asked. Ilikon looked at me before lighting his horn as a scroll appeared.
“We only hit a few small villages that are out of the way. The biggest had about three hundred residents so it was easy. The raiding parties disguised themselves to look like ponies to keep them safe.” Ilikon reported; I nodded.
“Any casualties?” I asked him. He shook his head.
“There wasn’t much resistance against them; everything we took has been sorted and put into the storage rooms.” he said. I narrowed my eyes at him.
“Everything?” I asked slowly. Ilikon looked at me and nodded.
“Yes my queen, we tripled-checked it just to be sure.” I sighed in relief. What? Is there something wrong with having everything organized?
“Is there anything else?" I asked. Ilikon shifted a bit before looking at me.
“Well, the raiders found something that's most odd.” his eyes dimmed a bit and lit back up. The doors open and one of the raiders walked in with a container on his back. It was cylinder shaped and brown, I frowned at the fact that there was no label on it. The raider stopped in front of me and bowed. I used my magic to lift the container to me. An amber coloured aura surrounded it and floated over to me. I was wrong, there was a label one it but it had a cup with something in it. Three wavy lines over said cup indicate that it was hot and it was a drink some kind. I moved it to beside my head and shook it. There was something in it, something powdery.
“What is this?” I asked.
“We don't know my queen, all we know that every house we broke into had them.” the drone said. I stared the container and opened it. Inside was some sort of brown powder. I took a deep sniff of the stuff which made me start sneezing like mad. After my sneezing fit, I narrowed my eyes at it and tried again, just not as deeply this time. It smelled like chocolate, something very rare to get our hooves on. I stuck my tongue out in it to taste it. It tasted like powdered chocolate.
“Interesting, did the ponies found a way to turn food into a powdered or a thing for self-defense?” I wondered out loud.
“We don't know my queen, maybe the one we ponynapped-”
“Our guest,”
“Err, right, our guest. Maybe she knows more of this container and the powder.” the drone said. I looked at him. He's right; the alicorn might know what this is. But that would mean that I have to… talk to her.
Gulp.
I... was not a happy pony. A few days ago, I think, I watched my sister-in-law and fellow princess walk through a magic mirror into another world. I wouldn't lie, I was a bit jealous of her. Why is it that she gets the spotlight and go on adventures and all I get to do is sit on my throne and listen to my subjects?
Sure I got to save the Crystal Empire from Sombra but Twilight and her friends did most of the work. Heck, they even made a statue of Spike and dubbed him a hero for it. It was nice, but what about me? Heck, after that I gave up my magic power to Twilight then got pushed aside for her to have an epic fight with a mad centaur. What’s worse is that I didn't get to watch the fight; it would've been awesome!
I sighed and looked around the room for the umpteenth time. The walls and floor were made out of smooth stone. There wasn't anything else in here other than the table. Looking down at the floor I saw that it was polished down to be smooth but even with the low light I saw that it looked like it was carved out of a cave. By the smell, I was in some sort of cave. There was an overall musky scent in addition to cooking and smoke, It was somewhat odd with a redundant musk smell. I put my head on the table and sighed.
“I was ponynapped right out of the Crystal Empire; can it get any worse?” I paused for a minute. “Well, I could be doing paper work for another three hours...”
As I finished, the door opened and a Changeling walked in with a cart. I eyed it in disgust, ‘Changelings, of course, it had to be Changelings. I guess Chrysalis is trying to take over the Crys... wait, why is it a different colour?’
I raised my head up and stared at the Changeling. Everything about it looked the same as one of the Changelings that Chrysalis brought with her but the mane, eyes, and… back piece(?) were a different colour. Instead of a blue colour, it was more of an orange-like amber. It stopped by the table and looked at me.
“Umm… the queen is wondering if you would like something to drink,” it said. From the one sentence, I learned two things; that the Changeling is male and that he can talk. Like, holy Celestia a changeling other than Chrysalis can talk!
“You can talk!” I yelled. The changeling reared his head at my outburst.
“Uhh yeah, I can talk. Every changeling can talk,” he said. I just stared at him. I thought Changelings like Chrysalis can only be able to talk. The changeling looked at me then to the cart. “Do you... want anything to drink?”
I regain my composure and straightened. “No; what I want is to talk to your queen.”
“Oh, alright I will… I will tell her that you wish for an audience with her,” the changeling said. He pulled the cart out of the room and reclosed the door. I sat in the room patiently for Chrysalis.
After what felt like two hours passed, I couldn't tell the time from being here, the door reopened and what walked in was a much different changeling. This one was much bigger than the first one but not the size of Celestia or Chrysalis; more the size of Luna give or take. Her mane was short cut and the same amber-coloured, she glared back at me with aggressive eyes that gave only a hint of curiosity. Her body was slim and angular and her wings looked like that of a beetle I had seen in a book. What was a bit odd was her horn. it started as curving up but near the end it forked out a bit.
“So, you wish to speak with me,” I was brought out of my thoughts when she said that.
“Wait, you're the queen?” I asked her. She frowned at me.
“Yes, I’m the queen. Well, proto-queen, but close enough.” she explained.
“But wasn’t Chrysalis the queen?” I asked her. She stared at me and began to laugh.
“Hahaha! Okay, that’s funny nice joke,” she laughter turned into a chuckle as she looked at me, her smile died when she saw my face. “Wait, you’re serious?”
I simply stared at her for a moment. “Well…”
“You’ve gotta be kidding!” she said. She sat down at the other end of the table and rubbed her face. She stared at me for some time which made me uncomfortable. “Just how much do you know about Changelings?”
“Well-” I stopped. Truly, I don’t know that much about them, Twilight might know more but… “Not a lot, all I know that they can change their shape, feed on love and… are evil.”
That earned me a glare. “What, just because one hive attacked a city or raided a place you go ahead and label the whole race evil! That’s racist.”
“Racist! You Changelings kidnapped me and tried to marry my husband and take over Canterlot!” I yelled back. She looked like she was about to say something until her right ear twitched. She looked over in that direction staying silent, she clicked her tongue a few times and took a few deep breaths.
“Okay, I think we got off on the wrong hoof, let’s start over.” She straightened a bit. “I’m Proto-Queen Ril of this hive, and before you ask yes, there’s more than one changeling hive.”
‘So there’s more than one, that’s unnerving to know.’ I thought. I looked Ril in the eyes, which I must point out that they looked a pretty shade of amber. “I’m Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, Princess of Love and the Crystal Empire.”
“Uhh… what?” Ril said. I saw her tilt her head at me.
“What’s wrong?”
“Your name, it’s long.”
“What?” I asked her. My name is too long? No pony has ever said that before. Is my name too long?
“Cadenza is alright, but the Mi Amore? What’s that about?” she said. I was going to say something but she cut me off. “Can I call you Amore? Or Cadenza, or… Pink?”
“Uh… Cadenza is fine.” I told her. We sat there in silence for some time. This was getting awkward. “So-”
“Most of what you know about Changelings is wrong.” Ril bluntly interrupted me.
“Wha-”
“First, not everyling is evil, Changelings are like ponies, we are not born evil and other stuff, I don't look at ponies and declare that they aren't pushovers.” again her right ear twitched. She frowned a bit. “Well… not anymore.”
“Okay~,” I said to her. I eyed her for a moment, did she think that we were pushovers?
“Look, I'm not the ‘greatest’ at negotiating with others…” at this moment I realized what she was doing.
“Are, are you trying to negotiate peace between ponies and Changelings?”
“What? Oh no no no, you misunderstand me,” I eyed her for a moment in confusion. “I'm trying to negotiate peace with my hive and the ponies, the other hives can fend for themselves.”
I blinked at her. “Just your hive?”
“Yeah, I can't speak for the other hives but at the moment we're dealing with my hive.” she leaned forward and stared at me. “Understand.”
I didn't say anything, by the tone she said that it sounded like a threat. The way it sounded is as if she said ‘Do exactly what I say or something bad will happen.’
“I… can understand that,” her lips turned into a smile. “But I want a few things first.” her smile turned into a frowned as she stared at me.
“... Fine, what do you want?” she asked bluntly. I licked my lips and I thought about it. I saw her ears twitch a bit as she clicks her tongue again. Why is she doing that?
“First, I want a safe passage back home, no tricks, no anything, just a way back home.” I began.
“Done.” she stated. This confused me a bit as she rolled her eyes. “Did you believe that we're going to keep you here by force?”
“I… well… I… anyway,” I shook my head to get on track. “Next, as long as I'm here I want to be fed and able to sleep somewhere comfy.”
“Err… sure.” she said. Her eyes moved towards the one wall and clicked her tongue again.
“Next, I want you to tell me everything there is about Changelings.” I said quickly. “As you said most of what I know about them is wrong so why not learn it from the horse's mouth.”
We sat there in silence at what I just said. I repeated what I said in my head and had to force myself to not face hoof. Got to keep this professional.
“Right… okay, sure anything else?” she asked me. I thought about it.
“Yes, you want to have peace with everypony right, well let me tell you this,” I leaned forward over the table. “I don’t trust you.”
She blinked at me but I continued. “You may not be from the same hive as Chrysalis but I’m still not on good terms with Changelings all together, your race almost ruined my wedding and you don’t want to do that so you are on thin ice, understand.”
Ril's gaze didn’t seem to waver a bit, sure it changed to somewhat confusion but when I finished her eyes hardened and stared at me. The glow of the amber eyes seemed to be the only light source in the room which made it both eerie yet… oddly comfortable.
“Alright, I understand what you mean and I assure you that we will not do harm to you with your stay.” she said. I leaned back and thought it over.
“One last thing, if we are going to do this then everypony will be there, me, Princess Twilight, Luna, and Celestia.” For an instant, I saw something in Ril's eyes that came and went in a hurry. A look of fear.
“O-okay, yeah sure, I-I guess after settling with you and the Crystal Empire-”
“No, all of us, in the same room, both the Crystal Empire, Canterlot, and now Ponyville have already good ties with one another so I believe that all of us will do this at once, saves time and all that.” I explained. Ril’s right eye started to twitch and so did her ears. She was like that for a few moments before standing.
“I’ll be right back.” she said as she walked out of the room. Her wings were also twitching. As the door closed and left me alone to think about this whole thing.
I walked back into the throne room with my two advisers talking with one another. When I entered they stopped their talking.
“My queen! You have returned, did everything go alright?” Mell asked me.
“Did you ask what the brown powder stuff is?” Ilikon also asked. I closed the doors to the throne room before turning to them.
“Is this room secure?” I asked them.
“Uhh… yeah? No changeling can hear us normally or hivemind.” Ilikon said. I took a deep breath before speaking.
“Well, she agreed with doing some negotiating,” I started. Both Mell and Ilikon smiled at that. “But, it seems that these negotiations are going to be with all of the princesses.”
“All of them, like all four of them?” Mell asked. I simply nodded. “Right, so how screwed are we?”
I stared at her for a moment before falling to the ground and covering my head.
“I’ll take that as very.”
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Every
hive
Ril's
There might be more, but I'm on my tablet, now.
7583829 oh, ty good sir
7583829 there are a few more in the story, but sadly I can't show them with my XBox.
7584428 wait, your reading this on your Xbox?
7584439 Xbox 360 yes, if I can get the money together I would be reading it on my PS4, need to fix it sadly. and yes game systems have been able to veiw stuff like this since the PS3/Xbox360/Wii.
7584512 Woah, that's cool!
7584535 yea writing on the PS4 was easier than on here and the only face I can do is
cause I can't access the others on 360, and it'the only one I remember, but could on PS4.
7584576 ic
7584578 Eyeap, that and I want to play my Fallout4.
7584589 Fallout 4 :)
7583892
I'm on a real computer, now.
I'd suggest reviewing titles and names of species. Things are capitalized inconsistently.
an
Separate into two sentences.
Combine into one sentence.
ask
Separate into two sentences.
guest
and pointed
sidestepped
male drone
Or is that redundant? Is there an entomologist here?
delete 'at'
should have asked
triple-checked
revise sentence
back up
awkward repetition of drone
unnecessary capitalization of amber
pacing nitpick: unless this is going to be a plot point, or a setup for a joke, the story seems to dwell on it for too long.
[quoteI sighed and looked around the room for the upteenth time. ]umpteenth
other than
redundant musk
revise sentence. Clarify that she's comparing to Chrysalis's changelings when she says, "looked the same."
Change 'of it was' to 'were'
that the
Every
there's an extra space before 'I'
the same colour as amber or amber-coloured.
Ril's
space
Needs to be:
I had a plan for my hive: to get it going, expand it a bit, and become a great queen; it's a great plan.
7584665 Thank you sir for your help, I'm sorry that you had to read my story with bad grammar and mistakes >_<
7584724 It's cool.
Funny story, and I like being pedantic.
7584615 sucks that Sony is being stupid and shooting themselves in the leg by not leting mods on tho.
Why has this been put on hiatus? I'm just curious.
This was just as hilarious as the first chapter.
7586427 working on a different story that long needed to be looked at
Oh, go on, Ril. What's the worst that could happen? The Pony Princesses are all pussycats.
What next chapter?!!
Plz make more!
Will this ever be continued?
So, uhhh. This thing dead?
Hi, anyone there. Is this story dead?