For a while, Chrysalis wouldn’t stop talking about bodily fluids. It was just fluids this, fluids that. Drone, fetch me some fluids. Yes, these are particularly useful fluids. She droned on and on…
Heh, droned. Spike chuckled at his own joke, making the nymphs on his back leap into the air in fright.
Now, however, the only sound Chrysalis made was a snore like a buzzsaw greased with honey. “Uh, Chrysalis? You alright?” He tried to face her, but she was so wrapped up in his wings, he couldn’t find her.
One of the changelings answered him. “The queen sleeps.” Expertly, he maneuvered past the folds of Spike’s skin, hefting scales above him as he pushed through to the drooling queen. Little ribbons of spittle dripped from her open mouth, teeth bared in a lazy grin.
The drone skittered over to her, making sure her oily belly rose and fell calmly. A hoof checked her temperature. “She slumbers soundly, for the first time in many moons.”
Spike lowered his voice. Since she was pressing against his belly, it was hard not to wake her. “That’s great. Listen, I…”
“She has not slept this well since the time she gorged herself on orphans’ love.” The drone looked wistful as he remembered that glorious raid. “She was like a little nymph, so satisfied with the…”
A gentle push with the spur on Spike’s wing cut the drone off. “Ooookay, not really helping me convince Celestia she’s redeemable. I need to go to Twilight’s castle now, so do you think you guys could, um, handle her?”
The drone nodded. “We will watch over our queen.” A quartet of changelings crawled from between Spike’s spines, lifting Chrysalis on their backs and toting her free of the dragon’s encircling wings.
If he tilted his ears just right he could hear her mumble in her sleep. “Oh, yes, Celestia… hrrgk was a changeling all along… all part of my snnrrk master plan…” She turned over, drones hastily scuttling around to form a pillow for her.
Spike slithered across the floor, no easy feat given the thick carpet of writhing changelings that covered it. He didn’t know where they’d all come from—though now that he thought of it, Chrysalis did seem like she was a little pregnant when she first arrived.
Once he had passed over the last of them and clambered through the entranceway, he stood for a moment in the sunlight. His scales, freshly licked by the nymphs, shimmered like emeralds—though that was partially because they were covered in emerald dust.
Spike would have to give Twilight some lessons in controlling her booty before he used that magic again.
Rising thermals buoyed his wings open, a resolute surge lifting him into the air. He followed the current northward, scales slicing through the Badlands dust storm. Wind rippled past his spines, sounding almost musical. Almost like screams, actually. Like there was somepony—
“Oh, whoops. Sorry, I thought I got all the changelings off my back before liftoff.”
A quick detour to set the terrified nymph back on solid ground, another apology, and Spike took off again. The storm soon cleared away, replaced by miry gasses of the Hayseed Swamps. A few flustered weather pegasi flittered out of Spike’s path as he plunged down to catch another windstream, the dragon letting loose a quick shout of glee. He never got tired of flight.
Five short lances of fire obliterated the clouds the pegasi were trying to clear away, and over his shoulder he heard their shouted thank-yous as he pressed on.
Spotting a train headed out of Dodge City, he flew low to greet it, the tips of his wings almost sweeping the ground. Fillies and colts rushed to the window to watch him glide over the cacti, puffs of smoke from his mouth imitating the tooting train. He’d become quite a popular dragon in the last few centuries.
Another almighty flap took him back into the rivers of air he rode, trains and towns shrinking to dots beneath him. Before long, he saw a beacon of rainbow light calling to him.
Twilight’s castle had grown since it first sprung from the Tree of Harmony, thanks mostly to Spike’s tender loving care—although Twilight did sometimes have to remind him not to eat the atrium.
Now, it had long branches, multicolored leaves like a forest in autumn, and thick gemstone roots that would hold fast in any earthquake or invasion. He’d modeled it after Golden Oaks, and made sure to leave plenty of shelving space for Twilight’s creepy obsession with books.
Seeing him coming, the royal guards hastened around to prepare. Like a rosebud blooming, the crystal armor around Spike’s landing pad opened. Gongs and trumpets heralded his arrival.
“Announcing Master Kenbroath Gilspotten Heath…!” boomed a soldier.
“Yeah, yeah, we can skip the formalities this time, Golden Arrow.” Spike folded his wings as he landed, barely squeezing into the landing pad. He’d need to expand that soon. Or go on a diet.
He tilted his head to the soldier. “I’m here to talk to Twilight. Is she here?”
A sweeter voice answered. “I’m afraid you’ve just missed her, Spike.” The pink alicorn trotted through the doors, crystal pony attendants flanking her on either side.
“Announcing Princess Mi Amore Cadenza of the…!” the soldier burst out again.
“We know,” answered Spike and Cadance in unison.
The crystal ponies gave lavish bows at the sight of Spike, one of them offering up thanks for his saving the Empire. Again. By Spike’s count, he’d rescued them from certain destruction fifty-seven times—fifty-eight if you include the debacle with the moose.
Spike rumbled “You’re welcome” to them, his throat a bit clogged from dust after his trip through the sandstorm. “Sorry, just let me…” He hacked, coughed, and ahem’d, expelling the clod of dirt from his airways. “There, back to normal,” he spoke in his normal voice.
Unfortunately, his attempts to clear his throat ended up dousing the crystal ponies in several pounds of sand. “Uh, sorry, guys.”
Cadance’s attendants didn’t seem to notice his apology. “He coughed on me!” exclaimed one with a high-pitched yell.
“I said I was sorry…”
The pony leapt for joy. “Spike the Savior of the Empire coughed on me! I’m never going to wash myself again! Oh, the boys will be so jealous!” Spike swore, if that pony screamed any higher, he was going to shatter himself. Could crystal ponies do that? Could they shatter like wine glasses?
“You know, that’s not… really… healthy…” The pony scampered off into the corridors, no doubt looking for a camera. “Cadance, I know the Spike Fan Club is alive and well, and that’s great, but maybe you should do something? Though I suppose I’m one to talk about obsessions…”
Cadance flicked her tail, her fur glowing with a magical sheen as she shielded herself from the dust. “Yes, well, the Church of the Glistening Scale has become a rather influential religion up in the Empire. At least he’s not one of the radical Spikists.”
“Oh, okay, that's…” Spike stared. “Wait, ‘Church of the Glistening Scale?’ They worship me?”
“A few do. I mean, after you saved us from the ever-present threat of icy death, you attracted quite the fandom.”
Spike lowered his head to her, no easy feat given the tight confines of the castle’s landing pad. “Yeah, about that. Have you ever considered, maybe, not building your entire city in a land so cold it takes magic just to stave off frostbite? Or at least getting a backup Crystal Heart or something? Stealing it is like, a biannual thing for villains.”
Cadance giggled. “Silly Spike. Everypony knows my empire completely trusts my love magic to keep them from freezing. Why else would they shower me with gifts and devotion?”
“You sure? ‘Cause the…”
The princess drew closer, her face a hard frown. “Perhaps you misheard me. Gifts. And. Devotion.”
“Oh, um. Okay.”
Cadance moved back, acting like nothing had happened. “Twilight just hopped on the teleporter to your cave. She took a lot of notebooks with her, so I’m guessing she wants to do some research.” Another flick of her tail. “But that’s not why I’m here, of course.”
Spike fiddled with his wings. “Uh, yeah. Why are you here?”
Her smile broadened as little hearts burst into her eyes. “To help plan the wedding of course! And the bachelor party. I am the Princess of Love, after all.”
Well, that was it. No way to put it off any longer—he’d even left Chrysalis’s name off the invitation he sent to the Empire, made it look like a printing accident. “Yeah, um, sorry I haven’t told you yet, but the bride is…”
Cadance waved a hoof. “Chrysalis, yes. Admittedly, she was only in fourth place in the marriage bracket I made for you, but…“
Spike almost let a little flame escape his gaping mouth. “Wait, you’re okay with this?”
“Oh, it was a little shock when Twilight informed me—I was betting on Ember, personally—but I got over it. Now, for the bachelor party…”
He held up a claw to silence her. “Hold up, fourth place? Who was in third?”
Another dismissive wave. “Discord, of course. Now, back to the party. My Love Academy has many eager students willing to…”
“Discord?” Spike’s voice made the castle crystal shake.
“Yeah, Big Daddy D as we call him at the Academy. His guest lectures are always a hoot—especially the one with the owl.” She covered her mouth with her hoof as she breathed a little oh, my. “Now, I’m sure you’ll want a few dragons at the…”
“Love Academy?”
Cadance nodded her head, her crown jiggling a little. “What? Twilight gets to have friendship students! And now that Shiny’s gone, I have to keep busy somehow!”
Spike’s jaw scraped the floor for a moment before he managed to close his gaping mouth. “Okay, yeah, busy, that’s… okay. Um.”
“Spike, I’m the Princess of Love. It’s my royal duty to explore all the ways, methods, and positions ponies—and dragons, of course—enjoy love.” She brushed up against him. “But more than that, you’re my good friend, and I want to make this perfect for you. Let me handle the wedding while you deal with the bride.” Cadance smirked. “And take notes. The Academy’s courses on insectoid romance are pretty sparse.”
The dragon retched. Somewhere in the distance, a crystal pony bottled some of the vomit and put it in his shrine.
“Um.”
“C’mon, it’ll be fun. If you let me plan the bachelor party, I promise there’ll be more gemstones than you can eat.”
His eyes sparkled. A challenge. “I don’t know, I can eat a lot of jewels.”
Cadance smirked. “Believe me, I’ve been saving up for just this moment.”
“I don’t know. It would be kinda weird having my old babysitter there…”
A thought entered Cadance’s head. She had given a lecture on this kind of thing. “Good weird? Because I could dig up my bedtime storybook from when I foalsat you and Twilight and I’m sure the palace craftsmen could build a crib for you… if you’re… into…” Her peppy voice faded a bit as she looked at Spike’s gradually more horrified eyes.
She shook her head and tried to regain a little of her regal stature. “Right, no, too weird. Well, with all the resources of the Crystal Empire, I’m sure can give my little baby nephew the night of his life.” She tried and failed to pull the thousand-ton dragon into a hug.
“See, talking like that does not make this any less weird.”
Is it just me, or Cadence has become kinda...unhinged since Shining´s sad departure?
Wow, Cadence is being very, uh... open-minded about all of this. Princess of Love indeed. Also, it's hilarious that Spike now has a religion.
Okay, I'm sorry, that's just hilarious.
7275750 But yeah, I'm with you.
At long last, I've added a sex tag to this story! Not that anything inappropriate happens... no... Big Daddy D's lectures are completely child-friendly...
Behold, the regal spaghetti incident in it's natural habitat!
And what the actual Cadence?! What freakish algorithms are you running to create those brackets? From what we've seen of Spike in this series, he's puts off some very vanilla vibes as far as romance/lovelife goes. Kind of the straight guy to the insanity going down around him. How do Chrysalis and Discord even get in there?
1: Ember (kinda logical, friend of opposite gender and same species, similar life span bonus)
2: ???
3: Discord (immortal, interesting if potentially hectic lifestyle could be a plus)
4: Chrysalis (immortal, maybe?)
Who was number two? Rarity has been out of the picture for a long time unless Cadence was imagining a golem with some sort of runic phylactery. Which in this setting is plausible.
7275750 Yes, kinda unhinged. Just like the maiden voyage of the Titanic was kinda a disaster.
Great chapter, laughed a real lot. Is it me, or is Spike the only sane being at this point?
Pfft, Church of the glistening scale.
That our nymph.
7275750 More along the lines of outrageously unfettered, but since the cause is of the same root, yes. Just a wee bit.
7275750 You think so too? Also, wow, Spikists are crazy. Do they think of him higher than Celestia?
7275772
You know, the way you are describing present Equestria, or more exactly the mental state of its immortal rulers, I am beggining to wonder if allowing Chrysalis to take over would be an improvement.
well that was weird . . .
This is the ghost of Rarity Thee Dragon Lady What can I do for you milady?
A BUG? AFTER FASHIONABLE ME? CELESTIA I CAN EXCUSE BUT A STINKING BUG?
l...I...I,,,,
I ! I ! I , You forgot about me and it's all about you you you,,you're marrying A Bug?
Rarity calm down you'll wake the dead!
She is dead already
So I'm dead to you?!?
Oh..........oh..............oh not this again...
Tell me she's not a cockroach!
Well, thats what you get for trying to get one to drive a small car.
Given how crazy things are, Id expect number 2 to be Twilight.
I´am a bit confuse, Is Chrysalis using Spike to destroy Cantterlot or she really loves Spike? Because the married will be a big fight, but I don´t know if Spike is under a spell or he will do something to change Chrysalis.
And Cadence what hank is she put Rarity on the love married shipping of Spike?
... I kinda wanna see how that bachelor party woulda turned out now.
7275833 He's... trying to change Chrysalis. As for Rarity, she's technically dead and also is a stained-glass window. Equestria may be socially progressive, but they haven't quite legalized marriage to pieces of architecture yet.
7275778
Number is probably Luna, or maybe Rarity's ghost thingy.
7275833
I'm pretty sure Spike agreed to marry Chrysalis out of need for a gift for Twilight. So I think he's A-Ok, mentally.
Well, as A-Ok as one can be to promise Chrysalis their hand in marriage, but you know. Semantics.
Cadence is officially off her rocky, and it is GLORIOUS!
I'm seriously banking on Number two being either Twilight, or a robotic Sweetie Belle (Though my OTP is ScootaSpike, you work with what you got.)
While I'm sure Cadence believes in love of all forms, as said here, she must want Spike to have ALL the benefits of a relationship.
Glass only does so much, so Rarity is out I believe.
As for Spike changing Chrysalis? With how the story is set up, I believe there's going to be a need for a lot of development, and life-changing sex,, to get that insect to see the "light", so to speak.
I decided to give the story an upvote. It turned out to be number 666.
The like of the beast.
Well, it's nice to see that Cadance is rather accepting of this marriage. It's more worrying that she actually expected it.
7275778 Maybe #2 was herself? Or her daughter? Cadance does seem to have become a little unhinged.
7275959 Finally, the ceremony is complete, and I can summon the Dark Gods of Fanfiction!
I think. I really just skimmed the book on Satanic cults. I hope this is how it works.
This story never fails to make me smile.
7275870
7275856
Ohhh! Thanks guys for help me to understand this. I really want to see, what will happen next. Somatic keep doing this great job.
7275856 what about liches or other constructs controlled by a disembodied soul? I feel like rarity would really enjoy the part swapping perks of having an artificial body.
funnest story ever
Dude, you just keep topping yourself. Awesome job! Love everything about this chapter, especially, Cadance, she has so much love for everyone and she's not afraid to share!
I wish I could keep stacking on the likes. Awesome job
7275856 just give it a few hundred more years till Proposition infinity
3.bp.blogspot.com/_V5tE0JPm30w/TEpX6bQZ2xI/AAAAAAAAATU/fub3hBpM75A/s1600/ghostandfishnet.bmp
also why didn't Spike just try to use the size altering magic to just shrink himself
7276226 That's pretty much the idea.
Normally, when a pony dies, his/her soul passes into the afterlife. Imagine stepping over the threshold of a door between life and death. For a normal pony, that door closes behind them.
When Rarity and the other girls died, however, a part of them (the part that's bound to the Elements) stayed in the land of the living. In essence, they have their foot stuck in the door between life and death, so they can travel between them (though they need magical energy from the living world to help push the door open the rest of the way).
When the girls are "sleeping," they're mostly in the afterlife, with just that little bit still in the Elements. When Twilight wakes them up, they get pulled back. The windows are just a fancy visual interface.
7276304 Shrinking is trickier, because if you increase density too much, you'll squeeze the atoms too tightly and start nuclear fusion. Compacting a five-hundred-foot tall dragon into a huggable size would be rather risky.
7276590 yes but technically Twilight would have the opposite problem and would have the same mass she did when she was small and wouldn't have been able to damage Spikes gems. IF anything the grow/shrinking magic would probably work like Pym particles reducing the relative distance between molecules without affecting mass and if you say that's unscientific, Rarity and the rest of the elements are living stain glass windows. ( sorry i just rewatched Ant-man the other night)
What?! Only fourth? BDD is life... BDD is... nightmares coming back again...
Also, insane Cadence is best Cadence. That is all.
... ... ... Who the hell was #2!?
1) Ember
2) ???
3) Discord
4) Chryssy
Suspense! Suspense, man!
Why does he need an announcement anyway?
Everyone who missed his entrance has no chance to notice this announcement.
But really: Who is number two on Cadance's list?!
Uh-huh ....
Nods sagely...
and positions ponies—and dragons, of course—enjoy love
(spit take) Princess say what?
So many fluids....
Keep going! ;)
Ok Spike, take your worshippers and ask them nicely to sacrifice themelves for the nourishment of your thousand children.
And by sacrifice, explain you mean for your worshippers to pick a drone to hookup with and let Cadance officiate the thirty second wedding vows so they can be the drone's lunchbox while Cadance coaches on how to optimize the process.
7275750 .....I wonder if she has tried calamari yet.....
I cracked up at the fact that Spike now has a religion decaded to him!
7277397 True. Though trying to describe their relationship is a mouthful as is.
This is hysterical. And weird. So very weird.
Last time I commented, I wanted to say that it seemed Chrysalis was getting loopy from malnutrition, just like her brood. But I'm beginning to guess that the long lifespans are getting to all of the characters. Spike seems the most grounded, but they all seem, well, slightly crazed.
Chryssy most of all, followed closely by Cadence.
Write! More!
7276877 I expect Luna actually. But that might be too sensible.
Sounds like someone didn't read the prequel
And back to full-on amusement mode!
I think that will be a new favourite word of Chrysalis. Because you can't spell amusement without a certain bodily fluid which, if I'm not mistaken, she's obsessed with
So Twilight alone in Spike's cave with Chrysalis and her swarm. That will be quire amusing. Spike, you better be really fast.
Why do I have a feeling that somepony was into a few... uh, things in their lifetime?
Heroism is habit-forming. Not even once.
...
7275750 It's not just Cadence, Twilight is slowly going bonkers along Spike but at a far lesser extent. But it's yet to be seen how far along the two royal pony sisters have gone down "the rabbit hole".
7275772
…and you learn about the D in them?
7276590
You just have to make the body bigger on the inside, or rather, keep it the same size while making the outside smaller.
all hail the church of the glistening scale. Power to thy dragon be and to us his devotion and love. This we roar. Amen.
I pledge allegiance,
To the dragon and the Glistening Scale,
For which it stands,
One Empire under Spike,
Indivisible, with liberty and Gems ,
For all,
In Spike we trust.
Celestia bless everyone
All the more reason for me to hate Cadence.
Yes I'm a close minded asshole. Yes yes, go ahead, flame me all you like. It's not going to change how I think.
Great fic though.
7953403
This is the best part of the fandom!
THE CULTISTS!
ALL HAIL BOOK HORSE!