Princess Celestia could not find Gosling anywhere. She had been looking for him for a while, needing to see him, to speak to him, not for any particular reason, but just to look at him and hear his voice. After much searching, Raven had told her of his location, which puzzled Celestia just a teensy, tiny bit, but she had not inquired as to why he was where he was.
Everything was still in crisis mode, but it was being dealt with. Power was being restored. Eviction notices were now officially overturned. Factories were ordered to remain open or face dire consequences. The aftermath was being managed one little foal step at a time, just the way that she prefered it.
She rounded the corner and headed towards the school atrium, not knowing why Raven had sent Gosling over to the school. It was, at the very least, a very peculiar thing to do. There was so much to be done and Gosling could be so helpful. Then again, Gosling had roused some very competent help, so there was a lot less that needed to be done.
As she passed through the ornate double doors that opened into the school wing and the atrium, she heard the sound of Gosling’s voice. She paused, ducked into the alcove near the door, perked her ears, and listened.
“—and nopony said anything about the booger hanging out of the princess’ nose, because they were all a bunch of snivelling suckups. They didn’t wanna embarrass the princess, so they didn’t say anything at all, and the poor princess, who was surrounded by sycophants, had a booger dangling out of her nose all day long.”
Letting out a demure sigh, Celestia heard the sound of giggling.
“This is why it doesn’t pay to be a stooge. If you’s gonna serve the princesses, you gotta be honest, even if it is embarrassing. This is how Princess Prettyfeathers had a bad day in court.”
Moving with utter silence, Princess Celestia crept up behind Gosling…
Looking at his audience, Gosling grinned. They were all staring at him with wide, adoring eyes. Raven was right, this was a good way to relieve stress. He was going to have to do this more often. When he got worked up, he would come over here to the school and blow off a little steam by spending time with the students.
The students were looking at him with perhaps a little too much adoration and awe. Gosling’s internal pegasus danger sense began to tingle and he raised one well groomed eyebrow as he looked at the students.
“She’s behind me, ain’t she?” he asked. He saw dozens of little heads bob up and down, but nopony made so much as a single peep. “She’s quiet, for being so big, ain’t she?”
“Gosling, heart’s dearest, I would be forever in your debt if you didn’t say ‘sniveling suckup’ or ‘sycophants’ around my students,” Celestia said in a gentle voice.
“And this class, is soft language.” Gosling’s eyes narrowed as he looked at the foals, who were all huddled together and listening with twitching little ears. “See, she’s prolly a little peeved with me, but, because all of yous is around, she can’t say what she’s really feeling, because that would look bad. So she’s using soft language. This is a vital skill for diplomacy and politics.”
“Gosling…”
“You see class, instead of being angry, or even sounding angry, you use soft language. Yous talk real soft like so that yous don’t start a panic or spook a skittish pony, ‘cause let’s face it, there’s a lot of skittish ponies around. So wes uses soft language to communicate in delicate situations. But soft language isn't enough, in my opinion.”
“Gosling, just what do you think you are doing?” Celestia asked.
“What else ya gotta do?” a filly asked.
“What else must you do,” Celestia said, making a much needed correction.
“Yous gotta be pretty,” Gosling replied as he tossed his head back to flip his mane out of his face. “This means brushing your teeth, combing your mane and your tail, and brushing every inch of your pelt until it gleams. It means smiling real big and being irresistible.”
Rolling her eyes, Celestia shook her head. “Okay, listen up, the pretty little peacock pegasus might have a point.”
“But I hate brushing myself,” a colt whined.
“Then yous gonna end up as one of those dirty types and maybe politics isn’t for yous.” Gosling’s brows furrowed and he leaned forwards. “Politics is all about winning others over. It’s about using soft language when you can, and talking hard when its needed. And there are a bunch of shallow, vain ponies in politics—”
Hearing these words, Celestia snorted and then choked back a laugh before it ruined her composure. The irony of Gosling saying these words was delicious and she would be savouring this moment for the rest of the day.
“—and these jerks will dismiss you and everything you have to say if yous has so much as a single hair out of place. So, even if what yous has to say is important, nopony will listen to you. Which means you can’t give ‘em no excuses to ignore you. Which means being presentable… and pretty. It means being confident, ‘cause when you’s confident, other ponies just assume that you know what you’s doing and they’s willing to listen to yous.”
Celestia’s choked back laughter died in her throat.
“And how you speak is also very important.” Gosling’s thick Broncs accent died away and his smooth, cultured voice replaced it. “You must sound like you know what you are doing as well. Sometimes, it isn’t enough to just to be confident and pretty. You can be the smartest little pony in all of Equestria, and you might even have all of the answers to all of the problems, but if you can’t present your ideas in a manner that others are willing to listen and tolerate, you are not going to get anywhere. Having the answers isn’t enough. It’s all about being the total package.”
Standing behind Gosling, Celestia lapsed into silence, not knowing what to say.
“I had to start being very political,” Gosling said to the gathered students. “My entire life is under a magnifying glass. I had to start thinking about how others see me. I have to think about how I talk, how I walk, and I no longer have the luxury to be a wiseguy. I’ve had to start thinking about soft language and saying things in such a way that I do not offend others, even ponies I don’t like, because I know that at some point, I am going to have to work with them. I’ve had to learn to put personal satisfaction aside and how to keep my big yap shut. I can’t just cut loose with those playground insults that are so fun to say.”
“That sounds hard,” a little yellow unicorn filly said.
“It is,” Gosling replied, “it really is… which is why you need to start practicing now, while you are in school. You can afford to make mistakes here. Experiment. See what works for you. See what works best. If you can master this stuff now, by the time you get out of school, you’ll be ahead in the game.” He drew in a deep breath and watched as the foals all began looking at one another. “You’ll be ready to start making a difference in the world… and trust me, the world needs changing.”
“You won us over with a funny booger story and then you got us to think about adult stuff.” The colt who had spoken adjusted his glasses and then looked up at both Gosling and Celestia. After getting his glasses just so, he began to fiddle with his polkadotted bow tie.
“It’s called knowing your audience,” Gosling replied. “That’s a tough thing to master.”
“All of you go and play.” Celestia cleared her throat and flapped her wings a few times to encourage the herd of little unicorn foals to get moving. “Go on, Gosling’s had your ears for long enough, go and have fun.”
Gosling, grinning, waited as the crowd dispersed, feeling rather proud and pleased with himself. He felt calmer, less tense, and less worked up. He found that he rather liked doing this, and planned to thank Raven for her suggestion.
“Gosling… I need a moment of your time…”
She kissed him with an aggressive intensity that he was certain was going to bruise his lips. There wasn’t much that Gosling could do, so he just tried to survive the onslaught. He felt the sharp, flat edges of his teeth pressing into his lips with an almost eye watering pressure. White spots danced on the insides of Gosling’s eyelids and his lungs ached with a need for air.
His legs were swept out from beneath him and Gosling felt his body tumble down into the grass. Celestia had hauled him outside in the garden, demanding a moment of his time. And right now, she was getting her moment and a whole lot more.
When he went down, she went down with him, and he felt himself being crushed under her bulk. She was heavy, so heavy; alicorns might look like graceful creatures, but they weighed a ton. Gosling found himself flat on his back with Celestia on top of him, crushing him into the grass, savaging him with a kiss that threatened to set him on fire.
He felt her forelegs against his neck, the soft edge of her fetlock touched his cheek, and her fluttering wings created a much needed cooling downdraft. It felt like drowning, like being submerged in water for far too long, and not being able to breathe. Just when he was certain that he was going to pass out, Celestia pulled away her muzzle with a saturated slurp.
Wrecked, Gosling lay in the grass with the much larger alicorn straddling him, panting for air, which was difficult because she was sitting on his stomach. He could feel her now feverish skin brushing up against his own, he could feel the twitching on the inside of her thighs. She was every bit as shaky as a filly his own age that was hot to trot. Alarmed, Gosling tried not to think about where Celestia was sitting, or what she was rubbing up against his navel, but it was too late. Think about it he did. And parts of him began to react.
“I feel like I’m a hundred again,” Celestia said.
“What happened when you were a hundred?” Gosling asked.
“I hit puberty!” Celestia let out a reckless, boisterous laugh. She squeezed her hind legs together and gripped Gosling between thighs that could cold-roll steel. “I haven’t felt like this in ages! Equestria is falling down all around me, our enemies are almost at the gate, but instead of feeling terrified and panicked, I feel invigorated and revitalised!”
Crushed into the grass, Gosling took notice that Celestia was grinding herself against him. He bit down upon his lip and tried to think of unsexy thoughts. He thought about control. Of self restraint. And then, for some reason, he thought of a fire hose soaking Celestia and leaving her drenched, with puddles of water everywhere.
It didn’t help him none. He cursed his teenaged hormones and bit down harder on his lip.
“It’s going to be like the bad old days!” Celestia said in a booming voice that echoed through the garden in a most alarming sort of way. “Our enemies will come rampaging through the gate and I shall SMITE THEM!”
Gosling’s ears ached from the volume of her voice and he heard the sound of glass shattering somewhere.
“Oh, by the stars in the sky, it has been so long since I’ve let go with a good smiting,” Celestia said as her eyes misted over from reminiscing. “Back then, most of the little ponies were my foals… in the most literal sense. I birthed so many of them. I was so connected to them. I was their mother… and when something came to threaten them—”
“You smote them?” Gosling asked, trying to be helpful.
“I SMOTE THEM!” Celestia’s voice was a thundercrack that reverberated through the air.
He felt his ears give a painful twitch and the sound of more glass shattering could be heard. He could feel her belly against his and it burned like a furnace. It was so hot that he worried that delicate places on his own body might actually be burned by the contact.
“I know what went wrong, Gosling, I just figured it out!”
“And that is?”
“I lost my connection to them!”
“I don’t follow.” Gosling shook his head and squirmed as parts of him continued to grow hotter from being in contact with her.
“I stopped having foals, Gosling, and these little ponies that I love and adore, they stopped being my foals. The years rolled by and the connections faded away. They stopped thinking of me as their mother and I stopped thinking of them as my foals. They became my subjects.”
“Celestia, I don’t know what to say.”
“Gosling, we need to be married right away.”
“Okay…”
“And then we need to fix this problem. I need to be connected to them again. I need to be their mother, not just their princess… there’s a big conflict coming, and I need to awaken my maternal instincts if I’m going to keep them safe.”
“Oh, I can help with that,” Gosling said, all too aware that his body wanted to help her right now. Over and over again. Repeatedly. He wanted to help her until he couldn’t help her no more, and he was a quivering, dried out, dehydrated mess that was all shriveled up like a raisin.
“Gosling, I love you and I want you to give me lots of little ponies that I can love.”
“I can do that.”
“I need to go and talk to Cadance. And maybe our therapist!”
“And I need a cold shower right away,” Gosling groaned as his groin ignited with a searing, needy pain. He was in the mood to help out. He was going to be the most helpful little pegasus that was ever born.
Just when he thought things couldn’t possibly get any worse, Celestia bent her neck, leaned her head down, and kissed him again as she squirmed on top of him. His brain went blank and only vital functions remained as he threw his forelegs around her neck and returned the favour.
He was obligated to do his civic duty.
oh.. oh my... Somepony's in a hurry to get pregnant.
7549328 She has been a mom in the past and treasures every moment of it.
This chapter.
is well done
He's smitten.
I donno it needs 20% more rib-cracking cuddling
Yes! Smite them oh mighty smiter!
"Now then." Celestia looked into the crowd of significantly less enthused ponies carrying torches and pitchforks (and where they had gotten the pitchforks in Canterlot, she had no idea). "The sooner we get started with the smiting, the sooner I can get back to Gosling and get started on that foal. So who's first? Come on, step on out here. I haven't got all day. There's a magnum of champagne on ice waiting for us, and we've got the Royal Baths reserved until midnight." Celestia smiled. "Then it's Luna's turn."
There was significant shifting and shuffling in the dense (in more ways than one) crowd until one of the older mares hesitantly raised a hoof. "Gosling is that pretty pegasus who has his face in all of the newspapers, correct, Your Highness?" At Celestia's confirming nod, the old mare smiled in return. "Could we reschedule this angry mob for a few weeks from now? We'd hate to make you late for your appointment."
A second, far younger hoof shot up in the crowd from a teenage unicorn, who appeared to have been late to wherever the torches were being distributed, and was holding a candle instead. "Will you need a foalsitter later?"
Methinks Celly went a smite overboard.
Poor Gosling, dat gander's a goner. Good grief...
And no one has made a comment regarding alicorn mass and The Great Equestrian Dessert Crisis...
7549460 That Was an awesome movie!!
I do believe that Celestia might have just a bit of a pregnancy fetish.
Gimme that old-time pony religion, it's good enough for me.
7549532 Nah. Must be your hormones.
7549347 BUGGER! I wanted to say that!
7549512 "A Mother could just die!" XD
Gotta love a woman that isn't afraid to smite things.
7549683
Nah, I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat.
7549532 Ohhhhh myyyy.... Or should that be "oh maiesiophilia?"
And now we see how Luna will interact with Gosling in the future:
Luna: Gosling, my friend...what are you doing under my blankets in the middle of the morning ?
Gosling: Hiding.
L: Hiding from wh..
Celestia: LUNA, I HAVE THE ULTIMOST NEED TO SMITE MY DEAR HUSBAND...HAVE YOU SEEN HIM ? IT´S BEEN ALMOST 10 MINUTES SINCE WE LAST SMITED OUR WEAPONS !!!!
G: *shivers*
L: Iiiii...maybe I´ve see him...maybe not...it´s hard to remember..I´m so tired, a full body massage would help me...if only someone could do me that favor...
G: Full body massage...and a complete hoof tratament...with that arabic oil you love so much...
L: Nope...sorry Tia. I have no idea where Gosling is...and probably won´t know for another...?
G: Two hours massage.
L: ...Yes, that is it...it´ll take two hours for me to remember where he is !
C: Ok...I´ll look for him myself then, the guards keep complaining ´bout looking everywhere in the castle. I´m sure that removing some walls will make the process easier. See you later Lulu !
G: I though you were the crazy one ! I can´t have two crazy mares !
L: Yes...poor colt...now, the oil is in the bathroom...you have two hours of quiet massage work sanity...then all bets are off. Chop chop !
Welp, Gosling's dead. Yup. Definitely dead. Mmm-Hmm. Yep. Death by Alicorn Snu-Snu. Most severe case I've ever seen. Dunno why this story's marked incomplete, though. It should be marked complete, since this has to be the last chapter, unless Kudzu's gonna write that epilogue about Gosling's gloriously happy smexy death ...
7549501 i half expected that to end with "why don't you do the smart thing, and let somepony else try first."
Also, since making movie references is the thing to do now:
"And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is Celestia when I lay my vengeance upon thee!"
7549532
Well Celestia did, along with Luna, use ger bodies ability to give birth to three foals, one of each tribe, at once to repopulate the land and was worshiped as a fertility goddess. That all MAY have something to do with developing such a fetish.
MOOOOOORE!!! This was adorable on pretty much every front. I mean it. Him talking to the foals so expertly followed by the brilliant way you wrote Celestia's aggressive kiss was... It was just great.
Weren't they just at a school?
7553695
Princess Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns is located within Canterlot Castle.
7553819 still, they where at the school, walked just outside, and then got ready to more or less fuck each other.
7553821
Eh, it was a bit more than that. Some time passed.
7553829 some time! To get that far! How the hell did gosling not pass out?
Ah, excellent. I'm fully caught up on the Weed 'Verse. Now, what other reading do you have for me to accomplish?
*Glances at Chase 'Verse*
*Whimpers*
Edit: Jesus Christ! That was supposed to be a joke, not a prophecy! What're you writing the fuckin' Wheel of Time?
Challenge accepted.
7556415
Jesus dont remind me about that universe, I'm only on chapter 300 I think...and I have to start all over again!
7556415 I've kinda read the chase verse with the exception of the lost chapters and steamy scenes through six times by now :p
7687231
Masochist detected.
7556415 I dread the day The Chase get the complete tag
7556415
Somehow that edit makes this comment funnier...
Remove this.
8049780
Why?
People actually talk like this.
8049875
I see this reply, then my eyes swivel to the left and I'm laughing SO Hard!!! It Took Me A n Hour to type this!!!!
7556415 Actually the wheel of time contains a few less words.