- Member Since 20th Feb, 2016
- offline last seen Jul 26th, 2020
Socks
Something about this site makes my brain itch. It's as if an earthquake shifted everything sharply a few feet to the left and back again, and not quite everything fit back in place.
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Good job!
I see no grammar mistakes! 
I have a feeling you worked on this story for a while. 
7096220 I guess? I put like twenty minutes into writing it after coming up with the punchline.
7096228 Wow.
My only issues is that I never see Starlight and Twilight going that far. But that's my opinion. You might get some haters because of the "Ship" But I could also be wrong. 
7096236 Nah. More likely people will dislike it for the lazy writing and sophomoric humour, but I don't really mind that.
7096255 *humor. Sorry.
Anyways. I personally liked it. But haters going to hate.... On FimFiction. 
7096262 Humour is the British spelling, mate. And thanks.
7096273 Oh! Very sorry about that! I didn't know.
7096273 And no problem!
I like helping people out! 
7096286 It's fine. I'm not a Brit anyways, it was just my phone's autocorrect mistaking me for one. xD
7096295
7096309 I think the monocle gave it away. *sips tea*
7096313 *Joins you and sips another tea cup.*
7096320 *gets ready to rp before remembering the site rules*
I guess spike didn't think that one through
7097911 at least it blends with Celestia's coat.
This story, especially the ending, was hilarious. Why wasn't this labeled comedy?
I found a few problems, but nothing to get upset at. This, for example:
Princess of Friendship should be capitalized, as it is a title. "Onto" should also just be on.
Anyway, that was good. Especially good considering this is your first story.
Oh...Oh...that did it for me.
*falls over panting*
7098421 Done.
Your writing, from a technical standpoint, was pretty good and the punchline was... kinda funny. But for straight up clop/comedy, the prose got stuck up its own plot for most of it, and I almost stopped reading right here:
Not only does it sound like pretentious pseudo-philosophy... it's fucking stupid. Of course sex is conscious, that's the whole point of consent. Hormones might influence you but they don't remove your agency of will. Narcotics are the same, even people who are hopelessly addicted can say no if the reason is strong enough. There is conscious reasoning involved in every time they take it.
So yeah. That line is some dumb bullshit.
Everything from Spike onward was pretty spot on, but I'd avoid using the flowery garbage in the future. Not only is it the wrong tone, but it just sounds stupid.
7117071 Fair enough.
The Starlight/Twilight clop part was great, the Spike part was WTF? and the Celestia with foreign dignitaries part seemed really out of place in this story. I'm not going to downvote this story because of the Starlight x Twilight scene but the Spike part killed it for me.
BAHAHAHAHA!!! THAT ENDING THOUGH!
kappa
This was really good, and then you had to bring Spike into it. Just, why? D:
This was awesome. Then, dialog started... okay, it wasn't that bad, but it would have been better off without it, imho.
7763334 I wrote this story specifically for the Spike joke at the end. I can't help it if the prior scene was good.
Now, see, I read this,
and I was amazed at the writing and thought, damn, I gotta look into this author.
Now, then I read into the second portion of the story, and was horrified, in a pleasant sorta, oh, I'm screaming, I'm really screaming, this is happening, sort of way. AND THEN THERE WAS THE THIRD PORTION OF THE STORY. AGGGH. AHHHHGH. WHY.
Eleven outta ten. Hundred outta a hundred.