The Enforcer and Her Blackmailers

by scifipony

Appendix 5: Outline Materials

Author's Note:

The following is my treatment for Enforcers and Her Blackmailers. Note that it is not in order because as I work through the novel, I move some material to the top for easier reference but rarely delete anything I put in allowing myself to change my mind. My intention is to know the basic gist of the story, and where I want it to end before I start. It contains many false starts and information I changed my mind about. It doesn't constitute an outline, either. I am a stream-of-consciousness writer. For me, I need to know enough of where the story is headed, and how the characters will take it there, that I can get started telling the story of the characters. I want key plot points. As the characters come alive, they then tell their own story, and often try to lead it to places I had no idea of going. Streak is the result, and wasn't in the original planning, but added to the treatment when she became important. She took over, and I am so glad she did as she served to 'humanize' Starlight. But years of experience has shown me how to contain it all. Which brings me back to the treatment. It was a living document up to the point that I no longer needed it, being updated often as I gained insights during the writing phase. If you look closely, you'll see threads I didn't follow, and an alternate ending that—thanks to Zecora's stream of consciousness observation about the Castle of the Royal Pony Sisters—didn't happen. I think the regicide ending was much better than the one I'd planned, and it allowed the story to remain in canon when season 6 premiered after I'd finished the story. And yes, Zecora's part was also written as a stream of consciousness. Each time I had to write her dialog, I visited an online rhyming dictionary, then continued.

http://www.rhymezone.com

One last note: I froze the outline somewhere between chapter 20 and 22. I have made no attempt to clean up the text herein, either. I copy and pasted it, only adding the formatting that operation stripped. It may seem like broken English, but I knew what I meant to say. Look at this for an insight into the writing process and nothing more.

Enforcer

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Workspace
-SG is forced to give up everything. She realizes she can't protect SS because SS won't let her without her explaining why. The why would ruin everything. She realizes that SS is addicted to nettle-ewe, and drinks too much, and telling her father or Celestia would ruin SS' position as a protégé and ruin everything. SG is left helping herself, but doesn't know how. She thinks that SS can protect herself from kidnapping, but doesn't think that is a good strategy for RM who wants influence. The only conclusion is that he wants Grimoire to return to the fold voluntarily or that he will get to SS by the nettle-ewe and force SG into submission.

-SG decides to take down RM, saving SS and Streak at the same time. RM doesn't believe that SG would give everything up, but including her freedom, by going to the police.

-When she sees the guard she fought in the Lower walking near the castle, she tells him that she can help him if he follows her and lets her talk pretending he is doing something else. She explains that she has quit enforcing, though her former employer doesn't see it that way. She will be leaving Canterlot soon, but if before that if she is escorted into the Lower, it will be against her will, and it's probably going to be for something that would interest him and that he might want to follow and listen for something that might help him clean up the lower.

-SG realizes that RM wants Shimmer to do something for him in Canterlot Castle. RM is never caught because he rarely exposes himself, letting his minions do his dirty work, and has this special talent to get people to do things for him that he can use as blackmail. When RM tries to get Shimmer to agree to do something in exchange for weed, she refuses and SG gets to finally witness his talent in action. Though she can sense magic in his horn, his is an inherent talent that doesn't use magic directly and thus cannot be shielded against. Magic is necessary only to initiate the influence. When the guard arrive, ready to arrest him for mind control and attempted blackmail, he uses the influence on them before they can capture him. The melee ends with only the guard under his influence and RM's body guards knocked out. RM twigs to that SG lead the police to him. With no other choice, to prevent from being attacked by the guard under his control, she rips out his cutie mark and corks in a wine bottle. Do Shimmer and the guard wake from control when RM's talent is cut out of him? The guard "ring" his horn, to prevent him from doing magic. SG prevaricates when she releases his cutie mark, saying it was an illusion that confused him and prevented him from using his talent. Shimmer is told her behavior will be reported to Celestia. SG gasps when she realizes she has a cutie mark. With attention focused on her, SG teleports away.

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Treatment
-Running Mead realizes SG has contacts at Castle when Sunset Shimmer attempts to follow SG home.

-When RM interviews her, he tries to get SG to sell weed to Shimmer, but SG refuses.

-SG wakes up at Shimmer's ivory tower. Celestia has given her her own lodging and laboratory. SG destroys the weed and finds finds Shimmer's closeness pathetic. Is it?

-Concludes the spell backfire caused her blackout and the bizarre action of her selling weed when she told RM she wouldn't do that. Shimmer's adopted father says he see no evidence that she is damaged, but that the therapy could cause side-effects. All therapies can cause things to happen, however unlikely.

-SG finds the reference the doctor told her about. She practices on herself and finds it allows her to heal quickly, and is better than massage.
Interlude with SG doing enforcing her way, which is being scary and breaking things but not people, but also appealing to reason of the contractee.

-(This might be a good blackout second occurrence). SG is sent to convince a problem pony to leave the Lower. She fights this apparently combat-trained pony to a draw. During the altercation, she tears a tendon (and later uses the doctor's magic to fix it.) She realizes she is fighting a member of the guard, possibly planted to ferret out information about RM. Oddly enough, in their exhaustion they banter and their seems to be some camaraderie, though cautious. She tells him she's Grimoire, but the best she can do with him is know what he looks like.

-SG is used as a guard for the herb trade with the supplier in the Everfree. Probably a flying wagon load. The supplier is Zecora who trades for herbs she can't buy, especially in unfriendly Ponyville.

-After the herb run, RM insists on SG eliminating a dead beat to make an example. When she refuses, she "blacks-out" again. She catches herself while initiating a force spell before hurting the pony; instead she teleports him to the wagon preventing him from taking the brunt of force spell. She catches herself about to kill. She is in a kitchen with witnesses from the boss looking in. She scares them back so they can't see what she's doing. She explodes a pot of tomato sauces with a force spell and convinces the witnesses she killed the victim. She sends them aware,saying she'll clean up the crime scene. She uses levitation to do so and has to heal the victim, too. She takes him to Zecora, who hears her story and is convinced that magic was used on

-SG. She now has RM witnesses that think she committed murder, but no evidence for the police. She convinces the victim not to go to the police but to relocated to another city with the gold coins RM slipped into her saddle bags to pay for her job, trying to further her guilt.

-SG concludes that RM has a mind control spell. (She is wrong; it is his special talent.) She decides to avoid him at all costs. Moves in with Shimmer, she she no longer has a job and Shimmer had invited her. In the days that follow, SG is approached for enforcing, but she insists she quit. She is told that nopony quits, and rebuffs blackmail innuendo saying she actually didn't kill that pony and can prove it. Thus she has nothing to lose and is used to leaving everything behind, and will if forced, so they should just go away.

-Shimmer is under great pressure competing with Twilight Sparkle. She has prowess where TS has potential. She needs SG to teach her quick draw techniques and how to do a force spell. Her force spell is so weak, pony feel tickled rather than bruised.

-The pressure has caused Shimmer to drink and take weed. SG sees that this is self-destructive. Nevertheless, she uses one of these drunken episodes to try the healing magic. It soothes Shimmer. Another time, thinking of RM, she wonders if she can manipulate the cutie mark. She removes Shimmer's completely and it helps her. Thus she hits on equalization therapy.

-SG wants to help Shimmer, to make her get help, but doesn't want to lose her safe lodging.

-SG uses Shimmer as a test subject when she is soused to learn how to use the doctor's magic. It is during a session that she learns a cutie mark can be temporarily removed. This therapy actually allows Shimmer to center herself and let go of the pressure.

-SG begins elaborating in her mind how cutie marks cause ponies to desire control over other ponies, making them unequal. It is often bad.

-When she sees the guard she fought in the Lower walking near the castle, she tells him that she can help him if he follows her and lets her talk pretending he is doing something else. She explains that she has quit enforcing, though her former employer doesn't see it that way. She will be leaving Canterlot soon, but if before that if she is escorted into the Lower, it will be against her will, and it's probably going to be for something that would interest him and that he might want to follow and listen for something that might help him clean up the lower.

-SG realizes that RM wants Shimmer to do something for him in Canterlot Castle. RM is never caught because he rarely exposes himself, letting his minions do his dirty work, and has this special talent to get people to do things for him that he can use as blackmail. When RM tries to get Shimmer to agree to do something in exchange for weed, she refuses and SG gets to finally witness his talent in action. Though she can sense magic in his horn, his is an inherent talent that doesn't use magic directly and thus cannot be shielded against. Magic is necessary only to initiate the influence. When the guard arrive, ready to arrest him for mind control and attempted blackmail, he uses the influence on them before they can capture him. The melee ends with only the guard under his influence and RM's body guards knocked out. RM twigs to that SG lead the police to him. With no other choice, to prevent from being attacked by the guard under his control, she rips out his cutie mark and corks in a wine bottle. Do Shimmer and the guard wake from control when RM's talent is cut out of him? The guard "ring" his horn, to prevent him from doing magic. SG prevaricates when she releases his cutie mark, saying it was an illusion that confused him and prevented him from using his talent. Shimmer is told her behavior will be reported to Celestia. SG gasps when she realizes she has a cutie mark. With attention focused on her, SG teleports away.

-SG at the end of the story is found in the Star Swirl the Bearded wing, researching a spell. When Celestia finds her, she thanks SG for arranging RM's arrest, but chastises her for using Shimmer. SG equates Celestia's attitude and domineering personality to her cutie mark, and the inherent inequality it represents. SG then dresses down Celestia for running rough-shod over Shimmer and pressuring her proteges. Celestia says it is necessary, but when SG asks why, Celestia acts as if under a geas that prevents her from speaking. SG is disgusted. Celestia is a damaged leader and ponies are locked into a hierarchy of talent that tears away friendship through inequality. She reaches for Celestia's cutie mark, but isn't fast enough. In the confusion of Celestia realizing she might be under attack, SG thinks better of her actions and teleports away. In the epilogue scene, as she runs away leaving all behind, she thinks she must never try to take away a pony's cutie mark without their consent, because that's wrong, but that if she can prove that equality therapy works, maybe one day even the alicorn would eventually come to her to ask for relief from her curse.

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What Does Runny Mead Want?
-Control over the royalty?

-Higher paying up town clients, or clients in the castle?

-Immunity from prosecution?

-Power to run the lower with impunity?

-He was runs a protection racket and is a loan shark. He also is in the herb trade, which tends to benefit his loan sharking. Sometimes he excepts favors in lieu of money. If he could get connections up town, he might be able to lower funding to the Lower's constabulary and make his business safer and more profitable through efficiency.

-He recognizes that SG is dangerous but her scruples allow her to damage property but prevent her from hurting ponies, and therefore him. He figures if uses his talent on her, he can make her do special assignments without her conscious in the way, expecting she won't retaliate, if she knows what she did. Indeed, he can use it as blackmail to keep her in his control.

-The establishment is aware of his business but have been unable to catch him?

-Does the constabulary know his identity?

-Runny Mead has two enforcers. Does the second actually try to perform retribution on SG? Perhaps this happens after SG gets RM arrested and the enforcer takes over the remaining organization?

-Runny Mead could be Shimmer cut off from weed. This might clue SG into an imminent power play. So she leaves a message for the guard she fought that she can deliver Runny Mead soon to set up a sting. He just has to agree to let her get away. The tip off is when Shimmer and her head to the Lower together.

Details

Magic

-All ponies have magic

-Wings focus flying magic

-A horn focuses magic externally

-Lack of either focuses the magic inward

-By modulating magic using their horn, solving equations to produce changes in their projected magic, unicorns make local temporary exceptions to physics.

-The horn is a math coprocessor as well as a magic modulator.

-Any pony can sense the numbers in the magical field, though unicorns specifically use the feedback to gauge the result of their solution.

-Most ponies learn how to decipher the feedback as the numbers, but other visualizations can be effective.

-Deciphering another ponies numbers can give a quick or savvy unicorn and advantage of knowing the type of spell and targeting. It also allows one unicorn to copy another's magic.

Comments

[scifipony]

7206582 Your wish is my command. Read my story, Sisters in All But Blood. The 'Celestia question' is encountered, dealt with, and fully explained.

Hope you liked this story... <fishing>

[scifipony]

8253624
Thank you for the running commentary. I am finding it very entertaining. It gives me an insight into what one reader is understanding from what I wrote.

[SliQster]

One of the most underrated stories on the site. Every character feels alive, is three-dimensional, and the story is paced very well. Your take on magic is unique, and due to that the magic-o-babble is actually an interesting read. I really enjoy your take on Starlight's character and the story feels immersive and plausible enough to actually be part of the canon when it comes to her. The chemistry between her and Sunset works, because they talk to each other like actual, real people. There are also very interesting juxtapositions between Sunset and Starlight. While Starlight's doing what she can to survive, Sunset's living a life disconnected from the harsh reality of existence. And that's probably the best part of the whole story: It has grit. Realism. Conflict of interest. Life. Real people, with their own lives, who don't just act like characters spouting off expository dialogue.

This grit and realism is generally very lacking when it comes to MLP fanfiction, because Equestria has all the telltale signs of a tedious utopia.

So, to be brief, this story is easily one of the best ones on the site. I'll be sure to check out your other work. Thank you!

[scifipony]

8620561
Thank you for your mini-review. It was very gratifying to hear that much of what I wanted to put forth actually worked. I hope you enjoy my other stories.