Canterlot High School has just let out for summer break, and it's Sunset's first since the disaster that was the Fall Formal. With guilt of her past actions, worries of mending her relationship with those back home, and homesickness plaguing her mind, Sunset contacts Twilight Sparkle for the first time since the events of the Battle of the Bands, seeking to truly return home for the first time in years.
However, when she arrives back home, things quickly take a turn for the dramatic. With strange happenings going unusually unreported in the heart of Canterlot and a mysteriously familiar figure only Sunset and Twilight seem to notice, her return home may turn out to be much more eventful than she could have ever bargained for.
Chapters (2)
Oh hey, it's been a long time since I've seen any new Princess Twi/Sunset. And it's pretty decent, too. Not too much to go off of, yet, but it also does a good job avoiding some common warning signs. Grammar isn't spotless, but it's much, much better than I usually see for first/derusting stories.
Please keep this up. I'll be watching.
This is a nice little story, especially for a first (or first-in-a-long-time). The description is enticing. I look forward to seeing more of what you have planned, and more work from you in general.
Well, I'm staying tuned!
This sounds really good. I can't wait for more.
A bit on the short side. You needed to either have more prologue (Sunset contacting Twilight about going back and her farewells with her friends) or more in the Castle of Friendship (disapproving!Starlight Glimmer or running into Captain Flash Sentry who, understandably, treats her as a security risk).
As matters stand, this chapter is hard-pressed to tempt people back for the next instalment.
Say again?
Good start.
Hm, call me interested.
By the way, you called Twilight on occasion an Unicorn, instead of Alicorn. For example: "The unicorn by my side halted her verbal [...]
The flow of the story feels well enough for the moment. I'm always a friend of longer chapters, but as I said, it's fine for the start.
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Duh, I'm an idiot. Thanks for pointing it out! It'll be fixed shortly.
Celestia calling Sunset by her last name feels a bit odd to me. She never called Twilight "Sparkle" in the show, and she seems to want to act like nothing is amiss, so why the distance by using her last name?
Other than that, I'm really looking forward to see where this is going to go!
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Just a little artistic freedom is all! I like to have a bit of variation, even in small details like that in my writing. And don't worry, I've got some interesting ideas brewing in my mind already.
I'm inclined to agree- it feels very strange that Celestia insists Sunset be on a first-name basis with her, yet won't do the same in return.
Nice work regardless, though.
There’s some tense trouble—it starts out in present tense, then abruptly switches to past tense mid-stream—and a few wording quirks here and there, but you’re off to a promising start.