EmeraldIsleBrony
Joined 30th Aug, 2014 ·
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Good job for your first story.
I'm not quite sure what you were exactly going with here.
In terms of just a story, you didn't do too bad, though it does have its fair share of errors.
In terms of fetishy material, you did ok. Sort of a little dark but meh.
6855752 Honestly, I'm not sure what I was aiming for either. Wrote this at 5am, and just typed what came to mind.
I thought there might of been a few errors, as it was originally wrote in first person. But my proof reader said it was alright.
Yeah, dark is kinda what I was trying for, as the mare, Pahyula, is quite an aggressive one.
Hopefully the next couple of chapters will be better!
6851847 Thanks! Might consider writing more once I finish this one. Given that it gets good feedback. :)
Freaking awesome, desperately hoping for another part one day.
If the problem is that the ponies are too small to be a meal, growing isn't going to help.
6859898 Yeah, admittedly, I didn't think of that till after I submitted it. But, but the bigger she gets, the bigger things she can eat, right?
Or perhaps the issue was quantity being to low. Either way, got plans to compensate. She'll get her meal one way or another. ;D
6856882 Thanks! :D Feedback like that is always awesome, and inspiring! Know that as soon as my plate is clear (Got a big art piece, coincidently with macro and micro ponies) I shall be getting hard at work at Chapter Two!
Not bad for a first fic; there's a lot of promise here. You have some creative elements that I really enjoyed, especially the entire subway bit. I've never seen something like that and it made the story much more memorable, plus it's just a great blend of the things that draw me to these kind of fics in the first place. Props for that.
I do think that you need to spend some time editing though, because the writing mechanically feels pretty awkward at times. Mostly some strange changes in narration perspective at the beginning and some sentences with pretty jarring grammatical oddities.
I hope she will grow so much that she will crush some ponies in her dirty, sweaty mane :D
This was a pretty fun read and I hope you continue
I... am unsure how to feel about this...
Hm, what happened to this story? I really enjoyed the first chapter.
i hope the story can be continued