Spike wants to end his life but will certain people talk him out of it or will he go out with knowing that people that love him will miss him terribly
Chapters (2)
- Member Since 30th Sep, 2015
- offline last seen April 18th
Bsbrony
When life tries to drag you down into the pit of despair just remember that through it all it will most likely be brighter on the other side.
Bsbrony
Joined 30th Sep, 2015 ·
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Gosh, I'm really torn about this.
On one hand, the grammar, sentence structure, pacing and overall story-telling need improvement, but on the other hand, I respect the work and effort you've put into this so far.
We all have stories to tell and though this needs some hard work and help, I understand the potential that the story has and that you have.
So being honest, it was awfully childish.
Not the core concept, but the story and pacing thus far prove to be juvenile.
Though this isn't inherently a bad thing, it is still an element that could use improving.
Please don't stop doing what you enjoy.
I don't mean to discourage you from writing, rather, take this as a challenge; an opportunity to better yourself as an author and improve your story-telling.
I'll still continue to track this story and will make it a goal to read every update.
You have my full support with this one buddy!
So do your best and I'll track and up-vote.
You got this dude.
You're the boss!
And story over. Not even kidding, your summary, which wasn't really a summary but a setup... Yes, there is a difference. But, you just answered the only question I had and that was does he kill himself? First Line: "No." Ok, why should I keep reading?
The pacing was really off. Just going to say that. Your inexperience here really shows but it's not hard to fix however the most efficent fix for pacing is practice and being aware of what's happening. Think of a grocery store list, Have all the fruits on the top, go get the fruits, then move on. Don't go back if you forgot something, NEVER go back if you forgot something. (So i guess we're in a ghetto grocery store at that) Keep going down your list and get everything you need in the next isle. Bad analogy, I know but it's the best I can think of right now.
There are other faults which I think, Marshall_Evergreen pointed them out. I'd love to help with those but right now, right this instant. I can't. I'm running short on time.
So, I'll skip to the good.
You actually wrote your first fic. Amazing! Great! You can never be the best if you don't start so kudos to you.
Formatting. There were a few stories I read today where the formatting was ugly and unappealing. For a young author, it's good you know when to break paragraphs. It helps organize your story, looks nicer and are essential building blocks to know how to pace. So, good job.
And effort. I aalways applaud effort because without it you are nothing. The best you can always do is try so to do that is something worth being excited about.
Message me if you need any clarity, additional help or just want to talk.
God Bless you. Have a good day
6563240
Yeah you're right He also has a few mistakes with punctuation and capitalization don't worry dude you get better as you go just don't give up.
please continue this story. want to see where it goes.
This was really well did for a first fic!
Edit : Oh god, this was a year ago. DEAR GOD! I was such an amateur
It's a good story, even if it's your first, but it could be better.
I advise you to re-read this chapter, edit some parts and use " for when a character is speaking and ' for when they are thinking.
P.s. I think it would be cool to have a sequel, like death give spike a chance to try again or whatever.
9873153
Honestly thanks for the feedback and advice. I was planning on editing this story and maybe write a sequel but I’ve been insanely busy. All I can say is time will tell if this gets better or a sequel. If this is the one I’m thinking it is (I’ll have to reskim this story) I had a plan for two endings.