Morning Cheer

Emil

Emil #1 · Sep 13th, 2015 · · ·

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"I notice Applejack setting up her stand. She is a negligent pony for sure."

Did you mean diligent? You've also got to change a "i" to "I" a few times.

Ditz

Ditz #2 · Sep 13th, 2015 · · ·

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6419352 Will fix. As for the letters, I don't quite understand.

Mix-Tape Mare

Mix-Tape Mare #3 · Sep 13th, 2015 · 1 · ·

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6419370
Emil means there's a few places like this:

“Yes, i can do that too!

where you forgot to capitalize the first-person pronoun "I".

Also, when phonetically spelling out the Apples' southern accent:

“Morning trot before school, Ah’ see.”

Don't put an apostrophe after the "Ah" like that. The apostrophe is only used to indicate a missing letter (and accompanying pronunciation change), such as dropping the "g" in "mornin'" instead of "morning".

Ditz

Ditz #4 · Sep 13th, 2015 · · ·

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6419776 Huh,.that's really strange, it was previously capitalized when I typed it.

Thank you for pointing that out, and the advice too!

RainEStar

RainEStar #5 · Sep 17th, 2015 · · ·

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I need to read this story... I must...
Gah! I've got to finish these papers first!

I'll read and nitpick as soon as I find the time, BB. Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!

Ditz

Ditz #6 · Sep 17th, 2015 · · ·

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6433991 No need to worry about it. Life comes first!

RainEStar

RainEStar #7 · Sep 18th, 2015 · · ·

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Finally! Time to nitpick!

I congratulate myself before quickly pushing my covers off, less I end up falling asleep again. Days without incident?

I believe you mean "lest".

Putting the number to the back of my brain, I get off my flank, letting out a wonderful yawn that only makes me want to lay back down and sleep the day away, but I know full well that can’t happen -- see previous lack of incident.

I believe you meant to use "–" and not "--". "–" can be produced on Microsoft word, and greatly defers from "—".
Moving on from that strange tangent...

A decent amount of bathroom time later, I head downstairs, where I hear the sounds of my roommate’s soft snoring in the room nearby. I ignore her like usual, and grabbing my headband, I head out for my morning trot.

While not technically wrong, it would be more professional to use the word "as". However, since this comes from Cheerilee's point of view, it doesn't need to be technically accurate. However, since she's a teacher, it would make sense for her to have grammatical correct thoughts. No wait, that doesn't make sense. Arg! I keep going off on tangents!

“Enough pondering,” I stop myself, starting my trot into town.

Again, not technically wrong. It's just an... interesting choice of words.

Minutes later, I arrive in downtown Ponyville, where, as I usually do, I notice Applejack setting up her stand.

This already has a lot of commas, but I needed to add one more.

“Good morning, Cheers,” comes a weak hello from my roommate who, seems to be up early for once. She is quite the party animal, so it‘s surprising. Enjoy life like you want, I always say.

Missing comma, and again there's like when there doesn't need to be. Also, if she can hear her roommate greeting her, it doesn't seem that she's awake. It's clear that she's awake. Or, at least half-awake. The final sentence also could be worded differently, but Cheeriiee's thoughts don't always have to be formally grammatically correct. I think.

She huffs, eyeing me annoyed,

You could say "She huff in annoyance," or "She huffs, eyeing me with annoyance," or just skip the eyeing since the next phrase makes it clear that she's annoyed. Your call.

“Really? You? Making breakfast?” I mutter surprised.

You could say "I mutter in surprise," or "I mutter, surprised," etc. Your call.

“Huh?” I hum confused

Exact same thing as above.

groaning frustrated, I rush to the paperwork and start the grading.

I believe the previous dialogue is not a part of this sentence, so "groaning" should be capitalized. Also, "groaning frustrated" is... awkward. Refer to above... again...

“I know, I know!” I shout frustrated

Refer to... somewhere above

“Thank you for the ob- whoa!” I yelp, suddenly losing my balance and falling flat on my face.

Oh yeah, the criticism. I believe "—" is the kind of dash you were looking for.

I hiss frustrated.

Do I have to say it?

I hold back a shout by taking a deep breath, and quickly, proceed to put everything back in its place. Because apparently being part of such a small town, this is something I have to do.

Sorry comma, but you're not needed here!

put yourself togeth- ouch!”

Here ya go! "—"

"He is fine, but... Are you alright, miss? You don't look so good. Is something wrong?" she asks, noticing the blatant state I'm in.

Blatant means obvious... and I don't think that's what you mean.

"You are wearing a sports headband," she says, giving me a dadpan stare.

Dadpan? I need me one of those. Makes excellent father's day gifts.

"Oh!" the moment she says it, I feel the fabric still stuck around my head.

How dare you not be capitalized!

"Sorry, I was thinking a bit," I say to appease her worries. "Trust me, Applebloom, I'm alright. I just was in a rush today and I fell, but I'll be fine."

Comma before addressing person.

"Thank you. Let's start from the back, shall we?" and so, we set out to do this simple thing. It's not a particularly long, arduous or even impressive task.

Capitalization.

Everything else has been pointed out by others.

Wow! That took a lot longer than I thought it would but it was fun!
I really liked this story. We don't see too many Cheerilee stories, and it's nice to see the struggles she goes through. I did notice that this had more typo's than you usually produce, so I'm slightly concerned about that.

I know that school will slow your pace, but I still can't wait for whatever you produce next!

Ditz

Ditz #8 · Sep 18th, 2015 · · ·

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6437873 Odd... I don't usually miss capitalization, which is strange even for me. As for the 'in frustration' (using the word as example) is something I never realized was a thing I could use, so many thanks for that!

And the commas? They have always been my undoing.

I have a general knowledge of where to place them, but that always seems to allude me when I write anything.

I'll work on that as well as my wording. Thank you as always!

RainEStar

RainEStar #9 · Sep 19th, 2015 · 1 · ·

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6438062
No prob!
I'm doing this for my benefit as well as yours.

Ditz

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