Dear Diary,
Today was mine and Lulu's 5th and 4th Birthdays. As a present, our mommy gave us magic diaries, and only we can open them. Daddy got us sparkly pink and blue magic horseshoes, he says they'll glow whenever he thinks of us, but they haven't stopped glowing yet, so I don't know if they really work or not...
Mommy is a multicorn, and so is daddy. Mommy has a shiny white coat, like mine, and three unicorn horns, along with great big translucent butterfly wings, a mane of fire, and deep green eyes. People call her Queen Solara, but Luna and I call her mommy.
Daddy has a mars black coat, blue eyes, and a silver mane with grey spots, like the moon. They take turns spinning the earth, mommy during the day, and daddy at night, they also use magic gems to even out the movement and intensity of their celestial body, they're in their chest plates.
Mommy is telling me to get ready for bed, goodnight diary!
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Dear Diary...
I honestly like it, tbh, the beginning is scrappy, but the rest is pretty good...
If you are reading this, you have the highest bad story tolerance of anyone I've never met... yaaay...
Don't worry it's not that bad.
The Anon in Equestria group is for stories about a character named Anon/Anonymous, who lives in Equestria. The title is also the rules. As such, this story doesn't qualify.
If you do any stories that fill those two rules, feel free to share them
I think the most important issue in this story is the worldbuilding... or lackthereof. You say how things are different from the Equestria we know, but we don't really see or feel this Alternative Universe.
Aside from that though... I've read much, much worse stories. At my local public library. No joke. #IneedaMaudemocon
Besides, I'm pretty sure you writing is much better since the time you wrote this, so feel free to laugh at my attempt of criticism on an old work.
Wait... you're only in middle school?
You may be in middle school, but your writing surpasses 90% of high school students.
Well, that brings a new perceptive into things.
Have a like!
This concept had potential, but you might want to wait until you have the ability to flesh it out a bit more before tackling it again. Some story ideas take a lot of time to fully develop. (Trust me, it took me 3+ years to finish an original 8k one-shot, and I'm still not satisfied with the result.)
Good luck in school and life!
If you are reading this, you have the highest bad story tolerance of anyone I've never met... yaaay...
Yes i have and its not bad