What's Yours Is Mine

by SwordTune

Canterlot vs. 24 Boxes of Minuette's Donuts and A Cart

First of all, I have got to tell you what a relief it is to find some pony who went through the same thing I did because it's really frustrating that most ponies never hear about these things, so not much gets done about it.

"I know how it is, I was so upset when I had my whole cart impounded just because I visited my friend Lyra in Ponyville so often."

Oh, before I forget, could you state your name for the recording?

"Oh, sure!" she smiled. "My name is Minuette, and I love to eat donuts."

Okay, so how much do you know about civil asset forfeiture, because I'm a little knew at this topic.

"Hm, well I never took much interest in law, and I still don't, but my friend Princess Twilight Sparkle and Moon Dancer helped me find just the right books about it."

Hold on, Princess Twilight is your friend. Like the alicorn Princess Twilight.

"Yeup!"

.....

Continue.

"Basically, civil forfeiture lets the law enforcement agencies take your stuff, if they suspect it's been involved in criminal acts, even though no actual legal process has been done. And even if the city where your stuff was seized has restrictions on civil forfeiture, those agencies can use something called 'Equitable Sharing' as a way around the restrictions."

So, did Princess Twilight do anything about this issue?

Minuette raised a brow at me. "Are you suggesting my friend is part of this problem, mister?"

What,no! I was just wondering... I mean I just thought is was curious that... um...

"I'm just messing around with you," she laughed. "Of course Twilight did something about it. Didn't you hear about the Equitable Sharing Reforms Celestia released yesterday? Jeez, you're like Moon Dancer, you gotta get out more."

This is not about my social life, or lack thereof; look, never mind! Can you share what happened to you the day a Canterlot guard seized your cart and it's contents?

"I sure can!" She was surprisingly joyful for such a sour topic. I kept wondering what pills she was taking. "So I was on my way out of Canterlot on my usual trip to Ponyville. My friend Lyra lives there so I like to visit often. But when I got to the city gates a guard stopped me and said my cart was suspected for involvement of drug trafficking."

How so?

"Well I couldn't find out so that's when I sent a letter to Twilight asking for help. She did a little ordering around for me and found all the files on the guards had shared involving me and my cart."

These files, how were they obtained and shared?

"To be honest, it wasn't the first time I had the guard search through my cart, but I never had anything wrong with me so I didn't pay attention to it. Apparently the guards did and posted my picture and the cart's serial number on a notice board for something called 'Urban Storm.'" Minuette paused for a moment, showing her first signs of concern in the interview. "It was one of the worst things I've seen in my life. Twilight told me my information was in the hooves of almost every guard involved in Urban Storm, and it was classified under 'BOTL,' or Be-On-The-Lookout. I was suspicious because I made frequent trips in and out of Canterlot."

Well if some pony as happy as you can be called suspicious then there's no hope for me then.

"Oh don't be like that, I'm sure you're a funny stallion!"

When I was twelve my mother told me never to pursue a career in comedy; she said I would undoubtedly fail.

"Well, at least you can dream about it, right?" She said, giving a supportive smile.

Yeah, I guess. So, do you have any idea as to what the motivation was for the guards to be tracking you and your property?

"It's no secret police departments, including the Canterlot Guard Department, keeps up to one hundred percent of what they take, which also made me question their motive for always asking if I had large sums of bits with me almost every time I left and entered the city. So that's when I asked my other friend Moon Dancer to look up old court hearings stored at the library."

What did you two find?

Minuette pulled a small stack of papers from her saddle bag and placed it on the table. "This one's from a case two years ago, and just listen to the statement made by one concerned citizen from Cloudsdale."

She flipped a few pages and read, "I believe it is evident to any pony, with or without a degree in law, that the purchase of kegs of beer and cider, margarita machines, and bottles of Canterlot Royal Spirits, for office parties - as was done in Cloudsdale - don't qualify as expenses for official purposes."

Those pegasus cops, are literally taking ponies' money for their own personal slush fund. What the hell? If they needed money for equipment we could just give it to them, but if they want a margarita machine, they should be fucking paying for that themselves. I'm going to have to do some serious research into this matter over the next few days, but before coming here I did pull up a file on the number of seizures done by the police nationwide. Minuette, what do you have to say about the fact that since the Discord incident in Ponyville, there have been nearly 62,000 cash seizures made by the police, totaling up to 2.1 billion bits.

"Wow wow wee wah, that's a lot of money. The cases in Canterlot's library sounded bad, but when you add it all up like that it's a huge catastrophe. You know, cash seizures aren't the only thing civil forfeiture can take."

Wait, it gets worse?

"Yeah, after Twilight got my cart and donuts back I did what you did and looked around for some pony to talk to it about. I ended up finding a huge club of ponies from all over Equestria who had their houses seized. The ponies from Fillydelphia alone were the result of about one thousand houses seized."

Holy shit. What for?

"Most of them had the same story. The Fillydelphia police claimed their houses were guilty of being involved in drug sales."

So it's basically a case of Fillydelphia vs One thousand drug trafficking houses.

"Yeup. See, you're getting the hang of being funny!"

Thanks! I don't get many ponies complementing my work. Also, thank you for holding off your trip back to Canterlot to have this interview with me, it means a lot to my business, my audience, and me personally.

"Aw, we don't have to say goodbye already. Come on, I have a hilarious friend who works at the Sugar Cube Corner. I bet Pinkie Pie could give you some comedy tips."

Wait I kind of need to get this recording to my editors and- (audio fades, door closing)

Comments

[Unidentified]

Lol what the f*cking f*ck did I just read?

[Alcatraz]

Misspelt the title.