Hundreds of years before the legendary Starswirl opened his eyes, a moment of change shook Equestria without even being noticed. Such is the way of the Changeling hive.
A new brood has hatched, unlike any other the hive has seen in generations: Changeling princesses, destined to lead the hive in a new direction that their mother could not. But the path is not easy for any one of them. Pony settlements dot every corner of Equestria, spreading thin the hive's hunters across the vast hunting ground.
Faced with the possibility of a divergence, a splitting of the home hive across Equestria, the princesses are thrust into the savagery of the world around them; their hive, their world, even their prey, show no mercy. To keep their kind alive, the princesses have no choice but to unleash their wrath upon those who would challenge them, lest they lose their hold on their family.
An interesting start!
hhmmmm. Well, I'm hooked! could use a tiny bit of polishing up, but overall this is really good!
How do I know this story won't die after only one chapter?
8649643
I'm editing the second and writing the third.
ooooooooh. I really like this so far!
I really like how your making her naive but also smart at the same time.
I honestly can't find anything for constructive criticism! which is saying something, cause I normally find at least something. I really like how you are displaying her emotions and the pacing so far! though I do wish for news on the attack so I might know which sister attacked Marplestop, doesn't have to spell it outright, but maybe a hint? probably will show up the future though.
Conclusion: Awesome job on this story!
8701135
Thanks for the insight and comment! And don't worry, more Marblestop is in the works.
I like the story so far. The grammar could still use some work and theres a few spots where it looks like a word was forgotten but it's not unbearable. Are we going to find out which princess messed up?
8707369
Yes. And also, there shouldn't be any grammar errors or missing words. I read over each chapter before publishing it, so most typos get corrected. As for grammar, if you mean the places that use past participle, that's just to talk about things that had had happened in the past. I'll keep an eye out for more errors, but I already spend a lot of time editing both as I write, and after the chapter is finished.
Kudos on your story.
8711264
Thanks!
If the main OCs in this story were voiced, what would they sound like?
8741704
Changelings are able to either isolate changes or completely alter their bodies. They are able to sound like regular ponies in their Changeling body, but typically do so when talking to their prey. Otherwise, the Changelings communicate with a range of hisses, clicks, and closed-mouth reverberation (low or high vibration made within the mouth and throat). Body language, such as the flaring up of wings, gnawing of fangs, and so on are also present in their communication.
8744014
But, then how do you explain the normal-talking changelings on the show?
8865142
Even in their natural form, they can change their vocal components by applying their shape-shifting magic on an isolated area. Before the defeat of Chrysalis, Changelings did a lot of hissing, however, since then they've had more interaction with the rest of the world and have lost the need to maintain their natural sounds, opting to speak in the lingua franca instead.
This story is brutal yet intriguing, and a very good take on changeling behaviour and biology. Definitely deserves more points!
Wow, this story is awesome! It deserves way more thumbs up. Can't wait for more!
Excellent so far!
Dark yet beautiful
And the story continues. Good, it does keep one interested, it's nice and dark, and internally consistent.
Hmm, when one of the girls finally makes queen will she be the Chrysalis we know from the show, or an ancestor? Or too soon to tell?
9278335
I'll quote something the current Queen said in the first chapter: "I am Queen Chrysalis, daughter of the last Chrysalis and grand-daughter of the Chrysalis before her."
This question of "who is the show's Chrysalis" has crossed my mind multiple times before writing this, I will say that. Here, the name Chrysalis and the title Queen are the same, so, if someone were an outside observer of the hive, could they tell? Perhaps there's something in their personalities that can make the argument for one or the other, or even none at all. I definitely wanted to make their character traits distinct among each other as a opposition to the homogeneity of the hive, pushing closer together the two opposites of individualism and collectivism. As to what that really means and how it contributes to the story is up to the readers.
This is criminally underrated.
9390330
Thank you. I just appreciate every reader I get.
Ah, ha. The plot continues to thicken, slowly, but carefully. Now to see who has planned the best.
9600750
Thanks! I'm really excited to be finishing the last two chapters. I might split it into three if I think they're too long, but I'm hoping to leave them as two.
It took me a while to read all of this but it was worth it. This has been a really good read so far since I enjoy political games and this kind of drama. With that said, I openly recommend you the story I am making on my own (which has political games as well as changeling queens) in case you are interested.
- MLP: FiM
- Dark
- Adventure
- Drama
Come around and see the mixture of two stories. One were ponies start meeting changelings through the lenses of six ponies now, turned changelings, and another one of queens facing the changing of history through their eyes.Best wishes and I am really expecting your next chapter.
One sister down and the other one must go down before she goes even crazier. At least now I understand what the dragon meant with "a price to be paid" for defeating him.
I've been hoping for some progress with this story and here we are. But the plot just keeps on thickening, I have a feeling it will all be rather epic when it's finally over. With a background like this MLP Chrysalis is starting to seem like a pacifist, I'd hate to think what any of the 4 princesses in this story would have done with "A Canterlot Wedding". But it's been a good read so far. Thanks, and keep up the good work.
9802709
A very funny thought. Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it.
I really like how this is building up to a "end of the first arc" kind of story. Nice to see this update, best wishes.
Oh my, I'm all caught up... Why must I be all caught up?
I'm really loving this tale, please continue as I gotta know what happens next! :D
10053681
Don't worry. I had a long break because I had to rewrite these past 2 chapters three or four times to give it the right feel. Now that the path has been set, I can move forward more efficiently in my writing.
10053807
Good I'm glad you hear so. :D By far this is one of my favorite pre-show timeline fanfics. Will it eventually reach show timeline, or end before then?
The pictures in the author's note were a nice touch.
Nice story so far, if a bit on the bleak side.
Well, this story is certainly progressing. I wish I hadn't been away from my computer for quite so long, but it's good to be caught up. Looking forward to the next chapters when you are ready to post them.
We love this! It does an excellent job of slowly making everything more coherent, and really helps you feel like you're right there! We can't wait to read more!
Love that, doesn't mean much if you think about it like a human, but becomes so much more if you think about it as a changeling living in a world inhabited by magic horses.
This was a good ride. I enjoyed this story. Thanks for everything.
Ha, well, life took me away from this for too long, but I'm back now.
Good story, though at the start I'm not sure I had Spectra pegged as the eventual winner, lol. I can't help but feel that if Spectra was the Queen Chrysalis we had in the MLP G4 series things would have gone rather differently, I think canon Chrissy was a bit too arrogant and thoughtless for her, and her hive's, own good.
Just a thought, but I get the feeling this story was in the far past, and that it could be the start of a long arc of several stories explaining how, by MLP times, there was only one hive to feast on Equestria (though I doubt you are interested in writing that many stories). If you really want a twist you could even figure in a way to make Halfwing a distant ancestor of Fire Lord Ember, or one of the other canon dragons, like Garble, or even Spike, lol.
Anyway, despite the unintended and unfortunate delay I enjoyed this story and am looking forward to seeing some of your other stories. Thanks for writing this one!
10952668
I am glad you enjoyed it! I really had fun with this and I would like to try working with this lore again one day. I don't know if I'll ever get to it, so I'll just say it now. The idea was that Spectra, as Chrysalis, would fail to pass on the mantle properly to subsequent princesses due to her mother dying early. This is basically the start of a series of degenerating queen's that end with canon Chrysalis.
Kinky.