Time-Travel
Apples can change the world.
The chronicle of Jaqueline “Applejack” Apple, devoted daughter and unintentional time-traveler.
Time-Travel
Apples can change the world.
The chronicle of Jaqueline “Applejack” Apple, devoted daughter and unintentional time-traveler.
Let's see where this goes...
See where this goes
Let's see what happens...
Apples
The romantic subplot and the confusion that Applejack is experiencing with a contradiction of acceptance is over the top for me.
No reaction from the parents during or after this...escapade? And while I understand Applejack might have the knowledge, with only a foal's strength the course of action taken is folly and prone to not work at all.
Also, this is literally an alternate universe where she is given the chance to save her parents and I'd recommend an AU tag to allow leeway. Just some thoughts.
I don't mind continuing to read.
6230553
Thank you for the feedback.
Lots of your points make sense!!!
I do appreciate your feedback! I fault myself for not accompanying this chapter with its second. It's where we touch on the consequences of her actions, broken bones and broken lies, before giving Applejack a goal to strive toward. Hopefully when I start updating, the chapters will have a regular schedule.
Still, I'm glad you had some fun.
I had to delete it. ): It felt out of place in this chapter. It flowed and looked funny.
Luckily, I tend to save my deleted scenes.
6230243
Apples!!!
Oh wow, I actually started writing a fanfic where AJ goes back in time to save her parents, although I think mine is different enough that people will still be interested and won't think I'm copying you. I'm waiting until I finish my first "act" before publishing my fanfic.
Anyway, I'll definitely be tracking "Two Apples" in the meantime. Your writing shows promise, and you have a nice, big vocabulary, at least by fanfic standards. However, your story could use some editing or a beta reader. There are several grammatical errors, and some sentences that don't seem to fit the rest of the story. For example:
Did AJ think she was dreaming, and Rarity wasn't supposed to be in her dream? If so, it should have been mentioned. As it is, it confuses me.
Also, who was that strange stallion? Hopefully it'll be answered by the end of the fanfic.
P.S. I love this site and community too; it's so much better than that other fanfic site.
An excellent start, a strange stallion, her parents saved and Rarity already suffering a massive shift.
Well done, will be looking forward to how you will develop this.
6520519
Aww. Thank you!!
Here. Have a deleted scene. This was a possible idea that I scrapped. Mostly because it flowed funny.
6521275 Yeah I get what you mean, it really wouldn't have fit in right with the rest of the chapter.
Seemed a might strange for Applejack to up and go from "Mah parents are alive and ah'm a filly again" to "The last decade of mah life must've ah bad dream".
I mean, there's shock, and then there's... uh... "Nothing is real, I'm in the Matrix! Watch me jump off this skyscraper and fly! Wheeeeeeeee *SPLAT*"
Eh, but she got over it soon enough.
Anyway! 't was a fun read, will follow this story.
I do wonder if she'll tell her parents the full truth... And if they'll believe her.
Is this dead?
I was going back through my tracking list, removing stories that haven't been updated in a while and amidst them I re-found this.
I remember thinking it was a very good and interesting intro, but it's been well over a year since you published this...
Please give a shout if there is still hope for this.
She had peeked
Not to nitpick, but Rarity's mane is mulberry, indigo, or blurple.
I just wanted to say you are an amazing writer and I love you.
Continue?
8412705
I plan to!
My goal is to complete all the chapters of Applejack's first arc before I update. Daily updates are the best. :)
8412734
I hope you complete them soon then.
I just watched "The Perfect Pear" now. Are you going to change her parents names to Bright Mac and Pear Butter now? Might be for the best to do.
Hope to see more of this soon!^_^
Will this ever continue? I love this.
8412734
I hope you finish the arc soon! I’ve just read this and I’ve already fallen in love with the story!