In The Lair Of The Bugbear

In the aftermath of her defeat, Queen Chrysalis awakens to find herself in the claws of a monster that has terrified Equestrians for as long as they can remember. What's it going to do?

It's gonna do the best it can...

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SomeRandomMinion

SomeRandomMinion #1 · May 20th, 2012 · · ·

Do I detect a shout out to Nightmare Before Christmas?
I hope you don't just end it here, you've got potential for more. (Perhaps a "Big Damn Heroes" moment by some other Changelings, or even the Mane 6!)

JonOfEquestria

JonOfEquestria #2 · May 21st, 2012 · · ·

Hey,

I think I'm missing some cultural context for this. And, frankly, it's a little weird - dark, but with the singing and dancing?

There's also a formatting problem. Block text... that's no good. Get rid of the first paragraph, would be my recommendation, and open with the showtunes. That's the nature of this story anyway, right? Maybe work some of that descriptive stuff back in later. You might also consider playing with the 'centre' option for the songs.

I don't know. It's really pretty good, but the formatting and the first paragraph let the story down.

JMH

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