- Member Since 12th Jul, 2013
- offline last seen Oct 6th, 2023
5thWriter
I'm a 28 year old Texas brony, who enjoys meeting new people here on Fimfiction.
5thWriter
Joined 12th Jul, 2013 ·
Offline
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5thWriter · 2.4k words · 50 13 · 2.6k views
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I find it hard to believe a cover like that doesn't imply ass focus. XD
6023226
It was the only cover I could find that I knew wouldn't immediately get taken down. I'm thinking of doing a direct sequel to this story; to focus on Big Mac's love of Pinkie huge "plot".
It started great, but somehow felt a little rushed near the end. Awesome stuff in general though!
6023251 I would love that, if you know me.
6023263
I admit I did get a little rushed. I originally learned of this contest when Ebony Stallion posted the extension, but that was right when finals were a week and a half a way. I was then so caught up in finals that I forgot about this contest. I didn't remember it until this past weekend; however, I was gone all weekend and I wasn't going to type the story on my phone. So I spent Monday evening and all day today writing it and editing it.
Even though it was rushed I had a lot of fun writing it. I told Ebony to let me know when he hosts another contest.
6023276
Ah, a fan of the "plot", are you? Do you prefer "big plots", "little plots", or are you like me and prefer "massively complex plots"?
6023251 Definitely an interesting read.
6023384
Thank you.
6023403 No prob.
6023364 I prefer plots that are malleable and can give shape to fit needs.
And I also admin the group "We Focus on the Plot," so there's that. XD
Very good, very good indeed, my good man.
Whoa. That was awesome.
No point in saying "this is clop story" when you mark it as clopfic and it's ALREADY in clopfic category.
6023837
Thank you my good man. Now, I moustache you a question; what are the Spikes for? Are they my rating?
6024006
Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it.
6024030
I'm just making sure that all my bases are covered.
That was interesting. Also, damn. I didn't know that 10 year old Pinkie in the flashback was stacked and could kick ass. Thanks for the story.
6024042 considering they dont have spike hands clapping that was the best i could do and no if they were your rating it would have been 8.5/10.
6024096
Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it. For Pinkie's 10 year old self, I wanted to channel a bit of my younger cousin into her; who was very stacked at a young age and did once beat an older guy for making lewd comments about her breasts.
6024526
That's a fairly good rating in my book.
6024531 Wow, I wish there was a video about that fight. You don't hear reports about 10 year olds beating up adults...or was she older than Pinkie. Seriously, what martial art/self-defense classes did she took to do that?
Still, fighting aside, it was a fun story to read.
6024619
Yeah, the fight was back in the early 90s' before cells were as small as they are now and had cameras. Plus the internet wasn't as widely as popular too. She (my cousin) was eleven at the time and the guy was eighteen. I don't know the exact size of her breasts at the time, but I feel that it's a safe bet to say they were a D-cup. I don't think she really used a style of self-defense other than what one would call street brawling.
Dat pic :p
6023364 Is that, like, robot booty?
6027193
No. That's like really big booties. The kind of booty that when it's backed into a wall there's 2 and a half inches until something else touches the wall.
6027852 Sounds like my type of booty.
6028064
Those booties are great. I'm glad my girlfriend has one.
6031439
Um... give you what exactly?
6031863 Lucky you. ;)
6038641
Thanks. I was so happy when she agreed to be in a relationship with me. This was my face for three days after she agreed:
i1296.photobucket.com/albums/ag11/MisterB22/happyFace_zpsd4qn8mek.jpg
I had a few people ask if I had a stroke.
Can we have more stories in the 'Lucky Days' universe, with pinkie and mac
6038944
It's funny you should ask that. Read this
I've got a few idea percolating at the moment. Do you have any ideas that you'd like to see them in?
Not bad overall, and there's quite a bit that does fit the fetish fuel profile, but some things made me kinda headtilt and drew me out of the story. Maybe it's just me, but I'd give my advice if you'd have it.
First there's some point-of-view shifts that are jarring and unclear. If you swap between characters' points of view, that's fine. I'm doing so plenty in my own fic. The key is to make sure it's clear where the focus is. The summary tells us where the narration is coming from, but one should never need a reader's guide. A simple addition like mentioning his "younger sister, AJ" would make this a lot clearer and cleaner in its own context.
... Pinkie gots a secret? But probably a lot of POV switching coming through there.
The second major thing is, how big is that van? It's almost silly to analyze fetishistic clop but in what vehicle containing eighteen individuals would Pinkie be able to milk Mac like that? Take a selfie with "little Mac"? A pair of vans would have given more narratively sound opportunity for those shenanigans to escape witness.
Also, Pinkie is clean shaven. But this is anthro? That's... That's gotta look weird.
That's... Oddly specific and verbose. Maybe authorial decision, but wordiness aside (and I do realize this is Pinkie Pie, with the market cornered on being verbose), this strikes me as more of a thing for Pinkie to say to try to push Mac over the edge. How many stallions would be able to hold back when their mare looks them dead in the eye and says, "I know. Don't pull out."?
Lastly, Pinkie mentions she's a size queen. Like, she relishes the idea of taking something or somepony big enough to legitimately hurt, and gets off on it:
I'd kinda hoped that Chekhov's Fetish would be coming back, but it was just kinda glossed over. Could have been a delicious description of how he simply refused to fit, for all her efforts, and then the slow victory and agonizing ecstasy as he gradually did sink in...
That said, there's plenty to enjoy here. Overproduction? Check. Big plots? Check. Creampie to get a bun in the oven? Cheeeeeck. There's reasons I picked this story out in the list and read to the end.
Overall, not bad. Mayhap bounce ideas and even finished products off an editor for future endeavors, one who's not shy about laying into a work and suggesting small or even sweeping changes.
Will be watching for more though. Keep it up!
Holly shit, bro you need to do more, I love this story with all my mind, please go on I want them to have kids, this is a really great story
I give it 100 out 100
MOAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!