- Member Since 12th Jul, 2013
- offline last seen Oct 6th, 2023
5thWriter
I'm a 28 year old Texas brony, who enjoys meeting new people here on Fimfiction.
5thWriter
Joined 12th Jul, 2013 ·
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You're gonna go far, kid, if you keep writing like this. Not perfect by any means, but damn good.
Beautiful. Perfectly captures Chrysi's intentions and feelings.
4025644
Thanks for the compliment. Ever since the contest was announced this story came to me and I was wondering if I should write it or not. With each passing day I just felt that I had to write it more and more. I don't know if I'm going to win, but I enjoyed writing this.
4025677
There really is more to the Queen of the Changelings than people think.
4025720 Of course. Much think that crashing the wedding was one of the lowest things an MLP villain can do-
-until you realize that there were millions that needed the love.
Best bucking story ever. Nuff said.
Not bad. The wording could be a little better, but I like the concept.
*sheds manly tear*
4025720
There is always more to a villain than people think. I too am exploring the reasons behind Chrysalis' attack on Canterlot, as well as much of the history behind the beginning of the Changelings.
Just watched vanoss prop hunt. So when there was the last momma it reminded me when h2odelirious blew up after he said momma. I know I am out of context. PRAISE THE SUN YOU SHTILORD
This is so adorable and actually made me sad
Please continue writing like this, you can only get better from here!
No-No! NO! This was so sad! Why!? WHY, I ASK OF YOU WHY?! Why did you make something something this sad?!
When I was young, me and cousin were watching a nature documentary. She would always be rooting for the rabbit to run and hide so it doesn't get swooped up by the hawk. Then I would tell her how the hawk probably has a nest of babies she needs to feed and without the rabbit they would starve, then she would suddenly be cheering for the hawk, I found it really cute.
Fantastic short short story!... I would actually love to see this be expanded on. It's not a new concept... but man was it executed well.
4104953
I wrote that in about 45 minutes. It was really an "under the wire" entry. However, after writing it, I've been looking at it and I'm thinking of expanding on it over the summer. (Probably around July.) I really want to explore the dynamics of Chrysalis's thoughts on her children dying for her.
4105026 Have you read 'Homecoming' by seeker9709? You should, because it's seriously one of the best stories on the site, perhaps the best 'Alternate Universe'-tag ever. If you want some inspiration:
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/68954/homecoming
BTW, it has the best fighting scenes ever put in to words, so your head may explode from cheer awesomeness.
Anyway, why I link you this is because Chrysalis is in it and she has a very close portray in it to yours: A mother of a hive who only really cares for it's survival, but she also love her children.
BTW, if you are going to continue the story, could you come up with a explanation why the 'Love Shield' would hurt the Changlings? I mean, they feed of love for "#¤! sake!
4105208
I haven't read that story, but I've now put it in my read later list and I'm looking forward to reading it. I hope to get some good ideas from the fight scenes as Pony Force will have several. (*spoilers* Changeling Queen vs. Changeling King, AJ vs. Big Mac, & The Imperial Griffin Army vs. The Suicide Squad.*end spoilers*)
The love shield is very simple. Even though the changelings eat love the shield covered the city. So tell me, even if you gather up a small army can you eat something the size of a city? Have you read the story Nyx by RealityCheck? Here's a quote about the shield being made from love:
That's right! The changelings got their butts whopped by their own food!
4105510 Hmmm... never though of it like that... reminds me of that time my friend kept hitting me with with a still wrapped up steak: right analogy? ... ahhhh good times.
4105535
Yeah that's pretty good. But I gotta say, as a Texan why would you be so mean to a steak?
Use the Cauliflower! That stuff could kill people.
4105552 Well... both me and my friend are chefs (and Swedish btw) so his idea was that it would make the steak more... tender. We both have a very dark sense of humor and trains MMA so there's a lot of real time slap'stick humor between us.
4105576
Oh, you're from Sweden? (Boy, you really do met all sorts of people on here.
Last fall I was taking to Anneli Heed, who does the voice for Swedish Spitfire.
4105605 Oh, really? That's awesome! She's actually one of the few I can stand from the Swedish cast. And yeah, I'm Swedish... sadly not blond though if that ruined the stereotype
Oh, yeah, funniest part of my story: my friend gave me a black eye by accident, so I had to use the same steak that gave me the black eye to cool it of!
4105638
She was really nice to talk to. I hope we Swedish set is released over here in the States.
The only stereotype I know of Sweden is it's neutrality. (I thought the blond thing was Germany.)
Damn man, you got a black I from the steak? That must have been one heck of a story to tell. "So, how'd you get that black eye?" "Oh you know, got my ass beat by a steak as the eggs held my arms back."
4105664 Meh, I punished him later (you are allowed to misinterpret that
... I'm a dirty pony, but i'm Swedish so I get away with my... preference).
There was no eggs, but I did wake him up the day after with a ton of ice in his trousers while sitting on his upper body.
4105664 Ooops, sorry forgot you're not from Sweden... it was a joke, and I forget sometimes that not all humor goes well with different people. I'm sorry if my joke made you uncomfortable.
4106107
Don't worry. I just call that a normal Tuesday night in my house.
4106198 Oooh.... kinky!
4106206
And I'm nothing compared to the lady of my life.
4106215 Oh, your married? Nice for you! Ahhh... makes me remember my ex-fiance... until I caught that #¤£%& cheating on me. Oh, well, those things happens.
4106566
Not married, not yet anyway, but I am defiantly taken; hook, line, and sinker.
4106586 Good for you. I never been able to be in a relationship for to long... and that's bad luck on my part. I mean, look at my last 2 relationships: he turned out to be straight and the last one: she turned out to a lesbian. I mean, good for them, but how about me?!... Life is just not fair to me when it comes to relationships.
4106638
Life never promised to be fair my friend. In fact, if anything, it promises to be more of a bitch. I understand how you feel about the relationships. For years, I did everything I could think of to get girls interested in me and nothing was working. I would constantly change myself and always try to be someone who I wasn't. (Because I am a major dork.) Finally, one day I had had enough and called it quits on trying to be in a relationship. I no longer gave a crap about being with someone I was going to live for me and be who I wanted to be. Two weeks later I met the woman who is now the lady of my life and hot damn did I win out. She is basically, my dream woman. She's short, energetic, black, and very curvy in all the right places.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, don't force yourself into a relationship. If it's meant happen, it'll happen.
4108682 Lucky you. Meh, I guess love will come to me some day. If not, I have to keep on living a life with continued encounters of hot, european sex... wait, why am I complaining?
And this people/ponies/bots/everyone is that rare and beautiful occasion of the trope called "Draco in Leather Pants" being well developed.
Cheers to the author.
The story was nice, it had a feels to it that I probably should have expected reading a Chrysalis story of this nature. On the other hand, I feel that the ending was just cut too short; that exchange between the changelings and their queen had been far too brief.
You used almost 1.5K words total; I think you might could have expanded end section a little bit more than you did to make it feel less rushed and have greater impact.
5966987
If you think this is sad, go read the new story I just posted.
I like stories about Chrysalis being a mother first and a monster last. People don't seem to realize that, yes, she WAS attacking ponies and trying to take over Equestria, but not entirely for herself. She even said "Feed, children!" or something along those lines. She was just looking for a way to feed her children. I think, if a peace could be worked out, perhaps if Chrysalis had simply asked Celestia for aid, something could have been done. The Crystal Heart releases love, constantly...it almost seems like it was made to feed changelings. If Chrysalis hadn't tried to destroy her life, perhaps Cadence would have helped her.