Sometimes you sit at the screen for hours and never type a word.
After his accident, Applejack and her friends save up enough bits to send Big Mac to Canterlot. It may not be to the place of his liking, but a vacation is a vacation. He just wanted rest and relax, but instead, he got was a vacation he'll never forget.
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(Ya know, "eeyup" an' "nope" ain't the only words Ah know; Ah can actually talk like a normal pony...)
It's an interesting idea, but it feels a bit contrived in places. The bit about the burning building at the end, in particular. The colt's mother is inside the building, so the first thing he does is run to the castle for help, and grab the first stranger he sees? Something just seems off-kilter about that.
3093526 You bring a valid point to the table. You see, I view Big Mac as a solitary guy who only talks when he believes it is necessary. Also, the fire situation is a little...random but I did say Mac would be in put in situations/roles out of his control.
3095327
Well, yes, Big Mac is a stallion of few words. But scenes like this:
make it look as though you're portraying him as being incapable of saying anything else. If someone comes running up to him saying "I need help!", he can at least ask "what's wrong?", not stand there silently with a blank expression until someone finally asks him a yes-or-no question.
3095891 Yeah. I suppose you are right. That scene probably did require more speech from him. I'll remember this for future chapters but I'll still keep his speech limited...for now. Thanks for the input.
Spy stuff.... It's always spy stuff...
3214420 www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdhhQhqi_AE
So why didn't that kid ask for help from anyone else who was close to the fire?
3296625 Psst...your question will be answered. Just continue reading. Thanks for the comment.
Hm, not bad; Continue.
3296625 he was supposed to get another spy dip shit learn to read all the way through before making comments
ha...no one commented
Hah, smart man; get it in writing so they can't screw you over with a burn without justification.
3421112 Yet you did. Check and mate.
3423335...dammit!
I hope that stipend includes a dental plan.
3425468 do... do people even make jokes like that?
3426673
,,, Well... I just did... So, yeah; yeah they do.
Umm... it shone, not it shined.
not as good as usual
3424732. I'm not going to lie. I had second thoughts on this one but it's too late now. I guess you say studying for finals kind of hindered me but no excuses. I promise that ill do better next time.
Longer the better.
50 pages or so is a good chapter to me.
3854890
One problem
Your spelling Pegasus: Pegusus. Which my text reader is pronouncing Pe-gooses.
lol, cliche but fun. Is this going to wind up being a bogus trip?
Nice to see you again not your best chapter but still good maybe get a little more detailed I dont know
4268273 he doesn't even know.what do you have in mind?
Every mare including married?
This is shear awesomeness. I've read like 10 other stories of a similar nature where Mac either gets himself into a situation like this or is secretly working for the princesses in some capacity and just totally goes with it. Big Mac is hands or hooves down the most laid back go with a flow person/pony to ever exist. He takes everything is stride.
I have no idea where this train is going. I hope it doesn't go through Brisbane; that would be awful!
I can only hope to see more at some point.
4524488 The train is on course for an ending. Hmm if you don't get something I'll be glad to help ya or right a clarification chapter which is probably needed.
Glad to see you back hmmmm the thing with twilight felt......I dont know it just...felt like.....I cant think of the right word......forced maybe I dont know hmmmmm I wonder what I should do tonight
But... he DOES have two left hooves... as does she, for that matter.
Man, it's pretty lame of Celestia to drop a secret mission on the first stallion to accidentally stumble upon her and Luna's incompetent servants. Doesn't she have a faithful student for that?
Ah, the old bait-and-switch. Just one chapter ago, they were practically begging Mac to help because his presence was convenient, and now they're going on about how it's dangerous and super-serious and he shouldn't do it unless he's absolutely sure and ready to give up his sexy crimson fur.
Those naughty Princesses.
Mac seems like the last pony in Equestria to give in to the temptation to mock someone (verbally, at least), but it was fun so whatever. I also assume you're setting something up with the young pones.
You know, Hush Hush has already set a pretty high standard for incompetence for the "senior" agent. She's lit a house on fire and involved an innocent civilian in her secret-y affairs, all to provide some ultimately useless intelligence. She almost got herself killed in her own set-up, got hospitalized, and then got assigned to train the rookie agent.
She then, as his trainer and superior, proceeds to purposefully neglect him as she figures out how to handle a simple meeting with a contact, which she never would have managed without his help.
This is my favorite type of working relationship. I'm loving this.
You know what would have been really great to have during that stake-out?
A big, red, dull-looking guy who could hang out near an alley without looking suspicious and then tackle an escapee.
AND Hush blew her cover, too. If she wasn't (apparently) a decent fighter, they'd probably make her clean the secret agent bathrooms.
Of course. What could go wrong? She knows what she's doing.
God DAMN it, Hush. You seriously couldn't be bothered to come up with a cover identity on the train ride there? This was literally the FIRST obstacle you were told to expect! You are the WORST secret agent!
Okay, sure. Because that's something that absolutely couldn't wait for after you finished tailing your mark. Is she even TRYING?
Suspiciously clumsy Twilight is suspicious.
That's ridiculous. This sort of clumsy, amateur operation is perfectly consistent with their record.
Gotta say, the dude has a point. Big Mac would probably be doing way better if he wasn't teamed with a self-absorbed, anti-social loon who insisted on keeping the relevant details of their job to herself.
Well, that pretty much makes her the most conspicuous secret agent ever: a well-known, infamously powerful unicorn that is very publicly close to the royal family.
But considering how well the agents do with stealth and secrecy, they may be better off just employing the most powerful ponies and not worrying about it.
Also, the fact that Twilight was literally stumbling over Big Mac trying to tail the same target he was means that they're assigning multiple teams to the same mission. Is Luna just a terrible spymaster or something? It would make sense.
I couldn't help but notice that Hush/Isra's main trait, besides consistently failing at every single effort in her secret agent work, is her absolute refusal to adopt an actual personality. It's like she takes offense at characterization.
I have to say, Mac's presence felt totally unnecessary for the two chapters that took place in his home town. Which is weird, since you'd expect him to have some home territory advantage besides getting free snacks. Between Isra/Hush making a nuisance of herself and screwing up and Twilight/Derpy wrapping everything up pretty nicely on their own (now THAT'S an agent team!), he probably should have just stayed in Canterlot and returned to fighting street crime at random on his own.
4565553 I honestly must say that every time I come to this story, I reread your comments. They give me a nice little chuckle. Keep up the good work.
Noooo don't stop now!!!
4944609 Sorry, m8. Every good thing has to come to an end. I will say that you have a while before it does. my power supply stopped so I lost the chapters. They are still safe, though. I'm probably gonna spin this off and do a episode type series of this.
Sweetie a new bow?
5006668 My bad. Fixed
Fun chapter, glad to see the update, even if this wasn't a serious chapter. Keep it up!
5006777 Thanks, m8. I just wrote this to sorta keep it from sinking. Ya know, what's really funny is that this story is actually almost done. I have two other chapters written out but my dang power supply broke. Life Is a cruel mistress.
Also, I see that you're new here. Welcome to a jail you can never escape.
A government agency that's not willing to pursue someone past its strict jurisdiction after sinking resources into nailing them? You're burning down my suspension of disbelief, here. And stomping on the ashes.
You didn't accomplish jack squat, but unlike the professional spy you were working with, you didn't actually make things worse. You're a credit to the agency, Apple.
Or you can tell whoever. Apparently they can't punish wrongdoing unless there's actual evil intent, and the chances of them actually finding out about it are nil.
That's heartbreaking. It'd be like if Scootaloo's entire life and career revolved around flying.
And now, after the government case for the mission has fallen apart, she's going rogue due to a personal attachment to the job and emotional baggage.
The only ways she could be a worse example of a secret agent would be to have an extremely conspicuous spy cutie mark, and for her to develop romantic feelings for her partner and trainee.
And one of those could still happen.
She's right. That's seriously humiliating.
That does tend to put a damper on your weekend.
Shining is such a great guy. He doesn't let all that military discipline, authority, or the rule of law get in the way of helping a dude out. All you have to do is catch him when he's bored.
The perfect Captain to round out Equestria's utterly dysfunctional security institutions.
I like to imagine that Mac is the hero of this story because he's the only character who can actually do his job right.