The Fire
Chapter 1: The Fire
[10:22 am ; 7:37:12 until Fire]
Celestia's morning sun shine brightly through the cloud window. Rainbow Dash slowly opened her eyes as the sun shined on her. She groaned as she shifted to avoid the rays of light. She then looked over to the clock. 10:23. 'Oh buck!' She thought. She shot out of bed and ran to the bathroom to take a quick shower.
After the shower, she quickly ran a brush through her mane and brushed her teeth. Then she quickly flew downstairs and made herself some breakfast. After she finished, she grabbed her saddlebag and ran towards the door. On her way she pet Tank, before she shot out the door and vanished into the distance.
[10:58 am ; 7:01:51 until Fire]
Scootaloo waited excitedly in a large field just outside of Sweet Apple Acres. Today, she would be training with her biggest idol and big sister figure, Rainbow Dash. This isn't the first time they’ve trained, but today she was extra excited because Rainbow said she would do something different this time for training. The filly watched the horizon intently for her mentor. While she wait she continued to wonder what new kind of training she would do. Just then a huge shock wave tore through the air knocking the filly on her back. She quickly got up to see a multiple colored disc spreading out in all directions. The filly watched in awe as a rainbow colored streak zoomed towards her. Rainbow Dash soon touched down in front of the awestruck pegasus filly.
"Hay squirt, hows it going?" The mare asked.
"That was AWESOME!"
"He, he thanks squirt," Dash chuckled at the young Pegasus' excitement. "Are you ready to train today?"
"You bet! What new kind of training are we doing?"
"I'm glad you asked. I decided I wanted to so how fast your reflexives are. "Rainbow set down her bag and reached into it. She then pulled out ten tennis balls and set them on the ground. "You see these. I'm going to attempt to hit you with these while you try to dodge them, deflect them, or what ever. You got that?" Scootaloo looked down at the projectiles then back at her mentor. She gave a determined nod. "Good, now I'll go easy on you at first then I'll begin to bring the heat. You ready?" With one more nod yes the filly ran a few meters back and prepared for the onslaught. Dash grabbed one of the tennis balls and reeled her for leg back. "Here it comes!" She bucked the ball to Scootaloo.
[4:27 pm ; 0:32:42 until Fire]
The two of them trained into the after noon. Scootaloo blew all of Rainbow Dash’s expectations out of the water. Dash was now struggling to land a single hit. She was aiming mainly at her hooves to avoid hurting her, but it was beginning to become evident that didn't really matter any more. She had gone back to get forty more tennis balls to allow her to throw more in a short period without having to retrieve them so often. It didn't matter though the filly was just plain fast.
After a few minutes the orange pegasus began to get very tired. Rainbow saw this as her chance to finally land a hit but what Scootaloo did next shocked the mare into disbelief. When the tennis ball approached the pegasus she reared up on her back hooves and repaired her front hooves. What happened next the mare would never forget. Scootaloo quickly grabbed the ball and forced it into the ground in one swift motion. Dash dropped the ball in her hoof and landed on the ground. Her jaw hung open in awe.
"Well how did I do?" The filly asked, oblivious of her mentors disbelief.
"How did you do? How did you DO!?!?!" Rainbow yelled in absolute pride. Scootaloo looked up at the mare unsure of how to react. "That was the most amazing thing I've ever seen! H...how did you do that?"
"R...really? You thought I did amazing?"
"Well no shoot, I don't think I could even do that." She looked back at the filly. She could feel a sense of pride grow in her chest, but not the pride of a sister. A pride that a mother would feel. The older Pegasus extended her wing out to the younger one and wrapped her in it. "I've never been more proud of you, you really impressed me today"
"Y..you really mean it?" She looked up to the mare hopping she hadn't misunderstood. She nodded her head. The small filly wrapped her fore hooves around the mare" Thanks mo- Dash." She blushed at the mistake hoping Rainbow hadn't noticed. Lucky for her she didn't.
"No problem squirt" She hugged the filly back.
[5:50 pm ; 0:09:07 until Fire]
Rainbow Dash flew high over the ground while Scootaloo happily rode on her back. The mare was deep in her thoughts. Over the years since she took the filly under her wing they gradually grew closer. At first she was fine being just a sister, but as time passed she began to think of her as more than that. She looked at the young pegasus as more of a daughter. Today she had never been more proud of the filly, she reminded her of her so much. Her attitude, her personality, even her loyalty towards her friends. She just wasn't sure about her own emotions.
Rainbow let out a sigh, 'Could I really be a mother?' She thought to herself . 'Not only that but she is already adopted, and her dad is not really my type...' She let out another sigh. She really did consider Scootaloo as one of her own. There was just too many problems and questions. Dash was wrenched from her thoughts by Scootaloo.
"Hay, Rainbow Dash you okay?" The she asked. Dash always felt better every time she heard Scootaloo's voice.
"Oh, I’m fine, just thinking."
"Okay," She replied happily. Rainbow was thankful she didn't press her for more questions. There was one question that stuck out the most to Dash: what did Scootaloo view her as?
They soon landed outside of the filly's home. Scootaloo jumped off the mare's back and landed on the ground. She ran towards the front door. Just before she opened it she turned around.
"See ya' tomorrow Dash!" She waved good by.
"See ya' squirt." She returned the wave. She then spread her wings and took off as Scootaloo entered her home.
[5:59 pm ; 0:00:30 until Fire]
"Dad I'm home!" Scootaloo called. There was no answer. "Dad?" Still no answer. The filly cautiously walked down the hall. She walked into the living room. The clock on the wall suddenly struck 6 o'clock. There was a sudden explosion, and Scootaloo found her self on the floor. The whole house was set ablaze, she struggled to get up. "DAD!!!" She screamed. She got to her hooves and started running through the house looking for her father. When she entered another room she nearly screamed. There, on the floor burning was her father, dead. A burning, wooden beam fell, crushing the lifeless body of her father.
Scootaloo tried to run, but was blocked off by some burning wood. She was trapped, and there was no escape. This was it she was going to die. No cutie mark, couldn't fly, and no mother. Her thoughts turned to the only one who she thought as a mother, Rainbow Dash.
"MOMMY!!!" She cried out. Smoke filled her lungs, and she coughed." MOMMY!... MOMMA DASH!" She yelled out, just before everything started to go black. As she started to succumb to the smoke, she saw a rainbow streak come into view. Then everything went dark.
To be continued…
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YOU KILLED ME!
5933148
??????????????????
5933858 it's so sad...not as sad as one of mine but still sad
"The small filly raped her for hooves around the mare"
WHOAH, WHOAH, you better fix that.
Wait.
This story had an actual editor?
~Twi
Phoenix Nebula please make more chapters for this story
Goodie now there is 1,000,001 scootadopt stories.
5935823 I know! Who doesn't love scootadopt!
5935859 Me, because A. she's not an orphan and B. this type of story is over done. we need orginal works not the same old thing over and over again.
Pegasus extended her wing out to the younger one and raped her in it.
My sir, you NEED an editor!
No offence.
:~
TYLER
I'm in for a ride, am I not?
Dude, that's not how you write sad. There's a certain number of sad events that can happen to a character. Beyond that number, it stops being sad and becomes ridiculous. She lost her parents? Sad. Her adoptive parents die? Sucks to be her. Her other adoptive parents die? Oh man, wonder how many more times this will happen...
Pointing that out won't make it less cheese...
I'm pretty sure it's up to the readers to decide if it was really sad and tears-inducing.
I'd delete it: if you spoil the entire story in the description, then why should I bother with reading the story?
Okay, off to the story:
Damn. This is going to be one of those fics, right?
Weather report. Yeah, this is one of those fics.
You definitely should get an editor. For starters, Tank is a tortoise (though this may be autocorrect).
Well, as we know from the description and timestamps, dad's gonna conveniently die in the fire... If it was a murder mystery, RD would be the first suspect.
New subject, new line. Currently, it seems like Scootaloo feels better when she hears her own voice.
Don't do that. This works only in comedies. In serious fics it just looks dumb.
5935742
Yea, I should have waited for my editor to go over it, sorry.
5936226
Well aren't we the little hater aren't we.
5935910
My goal is to improve on other's work. I'm not that good right now but at least I have a goal.
5936226
You should give me one could reason not to hate on your stories and your user page right now?
5936522
Okay, I'll rephrase what I didn't like about this story: you basically spoiled the whole plot in the description and you shamelessly admit that you write it for the feels; what's worse, you overdid writing for the feels by dumping so many calamities on poor Scootaloo's head that it shot right through "sad" and landed somewhere in Narm territory. You didn't bother to correct simple typos; it can be done even without an editor. And timestamps and writing sound effects in ** simply don't belong in serious writing. So, as you can see I have a few reasons to not like your story.
i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/121/811/31946_1376577668648_1658040159_1321185_3352372_n.jpg
But seriously, do that. Mods just love mass downvoters...
5936606
I'm starting to believe you don't have a heart.
5936606 Excuse me sir but I'm editing his story right now so If you could step away for one second and go somewhere else that would be very much appreciated.
5936644
Thanks Eli.
5936622
Yeah, I also sleep in a coffin and drink tears of small children.
5936644
I'm waiting impatiently
5936651 just read other stories and come to this late okay? thank you
5936651 there
It's decent, it held my interest just enough for me to read it all, so there's a thumbs up for you, but doesn't really grip me and didnt give me any feels, mostly because I'm not really a fan of Scootadopt.
5935910 then why the heck are you readin' this story. And secondly my head cannon says that she lives in foster home, plus I don't recall we see her parents or even someone related to her in the series, so I'm still sticking with the fact that she is an orphan.
5940333 First off I didn't read it. Second, We never see any of fluttershy's family and no one considers her an orpan. Thrid, Scoots has family in the IDW comics which the writers of the show themselfs said are cannon. Therefor Scootaloo was never nor ever will be an orpan.
5940351 Goddamnit dark! Now I won't have any feels for scootalove in general anymore, thanks alot.
In fact scootalove was what got me into fimfiction in the first place.
5940379 lol the truth hurts espically since your head cannon no longer makes any sense lol
5940403 you should probably delete that comment for those who still believe that's scoots is an orphan. We wouldn't want to break their hearts now would we?
5940412 The fandom must know the truth!
5940430
Yes and you must shut up!
Stop being a dick bag and ruining it for everyone else.
5941120 Im simple telling the truth im sorry you are butthurt that your head cannon came crashing down around you lol
5941232
You have no heart or if you do its shriveled and dead.
5941334 I love Scootaloo just as much as the next guy she's just not an orphan.
5940403 There are THOUSANDS of headcannons that believe that she's an orphan not just me and pheonix so until I see her "parents" or ANYPONY related to her in the show (not the comic but the TV show or EgG even) I'm still sticking that she's an orphan.
5942414 Welp the comics are 100% cannon according the writers of the show themselves which means Scootaloo is NOT an orphan. Which means all of those thousands of head cannons are wrong. There is no way around that fact no matter how much you deny the truth.
5943547
There is a way around it, just look at the story tags.
Let me spell it out for you A-l-t-e-r-n-a-t-e U-n-i-v-e-r-s-e!
5943547 That may (or may not) be true, but don't start preaching it around the fandom as if its gospel and going all "The fandom must know it's wrong" bull as if this is like the tyrant twilight phase we had recently. Many bronies love this genre an-... Ya know what flip this, if you say orphan scoots isn't canon, fine, but I refuse to believe it until I see it for myself, and don't just blurt it out as if we're the minority cause that's just gonna piss a lot of people off.
5950416 Whatever if you want to be in denial and delusional and heartless to Scootaloo by taking away her family and giving her a terrible life be my guest, but Im gonna keep her with her cannon family and give her the love and life she deserves.
5951116 I THOUGHT SHE WAS AN ORPHAN IN THE FIRST PLACE UNITL NOW!!!
I THOUGHT WASNT TAKING AWAY ANYTHING UNTIL YOU RUINED IT!
I read these stories because there always heartwarming in the end and always bring a smile to my face seeing scoots being genuinely happy and loved for the first time, that's why I love reading these fics not because I hate her.
5952358
I agree that's why I'm doing it.
Thanks Darius, Your a huge help. I'm tired of people who think there sooooo high and mighty that they can judge and force there opinions on others just because there safe behind there computer.
And people I think to highly of my self.
Well any way thanks for taking my side and two thirds of the fandom's side in this subject.
5952837 No THANK YOU phoenix I never thought that someone would take my side especially the author. So keep doing what you're doing with the story thank YOU.
5953228
No problem. I'll try my best.
This story does need some work, which I'm assured isn't news as I'm looking at so many people being twerps in the comment section.
Major issues:
I'm not gonna tell you this being her third family can't be done, of course it can. You just need to think of a good reason as to why. Is someone out to get her? Or maybe no one is and it's a looming fear she now lives with anyway. Think not only of why this is happening, but the effects it's having on Scoots, beyond the obvious. Is she closing herself off because of the emotional scars? Is she becoming paranoid and begging for attention? Or perhaps worst of all, does she believe she is the root cause and is starting to push others away for their own protection?
You give away far too much in your intro. It's a Scootadopt story so it's not a news flash that she's somehow orphaned, or that Rainbow is adopting her as that's who it usually is. However you went too much into specifics Also save explanations of why you personally wrote the story or any out of story information for last and put it in parentheses so people know it can be skipped.
Next, good and bad need to be balanced. You had the perfect set up for us to relate to Scootaloo with Rainbow Dash training her. Maybe have Rainbow being unintentionally too rough but Scoots forgives her because of how much she loves her idol. Or maybe the game goes so far south with neither of them knowing what they're doing, that it devolves into Rainbow harmlessly beaning Scoots on the head until she's tackled by the perturbed filly and they end up rough housing. These are good things and experiencing them as an audience helps us relate to Scoots.
Next, don't make things too good or too bad. Temper them with a little realism. If Scootaloo is really good at dodging, make her suck at something else. Maybe she can't catch for instance. After all, one pony can only have studied or practiced so many things by age eight. If this is her third time being orphaned, have a good reason as to why. I don't mean balance things, as that's actually unrealistic itself. Just try to figure our logical consequences for things and flesh out things about the characters to try to make them feel more alive.
You've been really nice to me so if you want an editor, I'll give it a shot if you'd like.
6451670
I know this needs work I have improved greatly since then and I already have two editors. I posted the story before it was properly edited by both. I guess you could also edit to see if you can spot any thing that the others missed. I cant really do any typing for a month on doctors orders.
6451837
That might end up being too many cooks in the kitchen. Look me up in the future though.
6453273
Okay.
6454776 intriguing I am interested in seeing more
7122519
I'm trying to start up again. I tried to start again but after the last story flopped so bad I had to pull it, and the guy I was going to have edit it kind of lost it. So know I'm in a slump. I'll try to get back on the ball.