Breathing Exercises for Failed Performers

by ErraticOverlord

In and Out

Standing with Carrot Top, it didn't seem like C.T. would show at all. The Gala was already more than halfway done and there wasn't any sign of C.T.

It was only when I had completely given up on finding C.T.'s identity and slumped over the railing that I saw C.T.'s preferred means of contact: a scroll, neatly typed, and a bit condescending.

Congratulations!

If you're reading this, it means you've passed the first test and can move on to the next step. Once I see somepony has found this note, it will be promptly removed once you set it back down which means that you are quite alone in passing this test. If you want the job, then it's yours.

The job itself is fairly simple: nearly all of Canterlot including Celestia is at this Gala and the royal guards are running on a skeleton crew. There's a bag of very particular powder in one of the castle vaults. Find the powder, deliver it to the Topiary Garden before the Gala is over, and you've passed the second test.

You'll be paid handsomely for your services and we'll move forward from there.

If you're reading this sometime late in the Gala's proceedings, I'd suggest moving swiftly. Failure to complete the test or completing the test once the Gala is over will result in you losing all contact with me and without anypony else to blame, the crime will rest on your hooves.

In any case, relax. Most ponies don't do their best work under pressure.

C.T.

Carrot Top and I read the letter together, huddled close so nopony else can see it. I can feel her heart through her dress and coat; it feels like it's pumping warmth through me. I slide back into focus, unwillingly.

Before the Gala ends?

What's the powder?

How the hay are we supposed to know what vault the powder's in?

What is C.T. testing us for?

Carrot top slips the scroll back into its place, attached to a string and hanging off the balcony. She starts trotting away but then turns around. "You coming, Trixie? We both passed the test, no matter what the scroll says."

I snap out of my loop of unanswerable questions when she leaves my side. "You're going to follow through with this?"

She shrugs. "Sure. I'm here, so obviously I have nothing better to do and Derpy's taking care of my farm today. Shouldn't be too hard, anyway. There are hardly any guards around, we'll be in and out."

Derpy?

I trot next to her, through the main ballroom and exiting into the gardens. "So, Derpy's your..." I trail off.

Carrot Top turns to me, still trotting forward. "My...what? What were you going to say?"

I clear my throat, blushing. "Oh. I was just... I didn't mean anything."

She laughs. "No, really. What were you going to say, I want to know."

I sigh. "I was asking if Derpy's your coltfriend."

She raises an eyebrow. "Well, she's a mare, so that's a no. But before you ask, she's not my marefriend, either. She's a good friend of mine, I've had since I was a filly. That's all."

I nod, trying to keep a level expression and not sigh in relief.

We trot through the garden and in another entrance to the castle, showing our tickets when a guard asks what we're doing there.

We stop in our tracks. The roof rises up far above us and the halls even farther in front of us and behind us. Another two guards stand guarding the stairway to the vaults off to our left. We trot by them until we're out of earshot.

"So, how are we going to get past them?" Carrot Top asks.

How are we going to get past them?

For that matter, how are we going to find which vault contains the powder?

"Unless we ask for directions." I mutter to myself.

That's it: we'll ask for directions.

"What?" She asks.

I trot forward. "I have an idea."

She shrugs and trots next to me, until we stand face to face with the guards.

I smile at one of them. "Excuse me, I was having an argument with this mare here and we were wondering if you could settle it. Basically, we were discussing what the sorting system in the vaults is: I think it's alphabetical, but she thinks it's chronological. We both agree that it might be sorted by the nature of the object. So how are the vaults sorted, can you tell us?"

The guard I'm talking to hesitates and looks over at a much older guard with a white beard and grey coat.

The older guard nods at us. "You guests for the Gala?"

"Yes, that's right." I lift my ticket up with my magic and Carrot Top shows hers.

The younger guards shoulders loosen slightly. "The vaults are actually segregated three ways, one by the nature of the object - magical or nonmagical - two by the composition of the object - solid, semi solid, liquid, or gas - and finally by date. This allows easy management in case the Princesses ever need something from them."

The older guard grunts. "Which is basically never. I think in all the time I've been here, the Princesses have only asked for something from the vault twice, both times for old books they said they needed. Compare that with the amount of times ponies try to steal from the vaults and it makes me wonder what ponies could possibly need in it the Princesses don't."

Subtle hint, there.

I nod with a mask of disappointment. "Darn. So, it's not alphabetical at all. What you're saying is, if I was looking for a magic dust from a thousand years ago, it would be separated into magic, then semi solid, then into artifacts from a thousand years ago?"

They nod. "That's correct."

Excellent.

I make copies of myself and Carrot Top while I hide Carrot Top and I from their vision. I start making the illusory copies trot away from the guard while I pull Carrot Top and I past the guards.

Breathe.

I make it down one step.

Don't think.

Three steps.

Don't fail.

Four steps.

Fail.

Our invisibility cracks and melts away while our copies do the same. The two guards look to the copies for a moment, before figuring out what's going on and starting to run down the stairs. Carrot Top and I barrel down the stairs as fast as I can land each hoof solidly on a step.

I can hear them gallop only a few steps behind us.

Carrot Top suddenly stops and crouches so the first guard trips over her, losing his hoofing and collapsing on the stairs. She headbutts the second guard, then clamps her teeth down on his shoulder before punching him in the face with a hoof again. We gallop down the stairs again, leaving the dazed guards behind us.

We reach the bottom of the stairs, panting.

I look up the stairs, in case I see any sign of the guards returning. "What was that?"

She pulls a ledger of some kind off the shelf in front of us. "What was what?"

She can't be serious.

"What was you just taking out two royal guards? Trixie isn't an expert , but she knows farmponies don't necessarily spend much time in combat."

She laughs. "That wasn't combat. That was trying not to get caught. I was improvising, they were gaining."

I eye her, skeptically. "And the bite? Not many bites can keep a full grown stallion down long enough to hit him in the face."

She opens her mouth, then slams it with a snap. "Trixie, I'm a carrot farmer. I harvest roots from the ground and pull them up with my teeth. Of course I have a strong jaw; you would, too." She looks at my horn. "Okay, technically, you would too if you used your mouth instead of your magic."

What a perfectly reasonable assertion.

So why do I have this nagging feeling I'm missing something?

I nod at her, choosing to ignore the feeling for now. "C.T. really thought this through."

Carrot Top doesn't look up from the vault inventory ledger she's perusing. "Why do you say that?"

"The Gala tickets aren't marked for particular ponies, just examined on arrival. We didn't buy the tickets and they don't say our names, so there's no direct link back to us. The scrolls are sent indirectly, as well. If they see us, they won't know who we are. If we get caught, there's no way they can trace it back to C.T."

"Don't think like that." She lifts up the ledger and points to an entry. "We won't get caught."

I read the entry aloud. "Radirock Powder. Magical in nature and in vault three twenty one. What does it do?"

She shrugs. "If we don't get it, we'll never find out. Gala should be almost finished by now."

We gallop to vault three twenty one, taking the smaller flight of steps up to the third floor of the vaults rather than to the main palace.

We open the vault door and step inside. All manner of powder, dust, and sand were arranged in the small room. Each with its own glass case and each with a label with basic information on it, its name, and a number for easy location.

Right. Easy.

The room was tidy, well kept, and no extraneous dust was left in the room. Everything was perfect.

Except.

There was something that didn't belong in the room. Something different. But I can't place my hoof on it.

Carrot Top goes through the room until she finds a number close to that of the powder. She starts heading closer to the number but I know she won't find anything. I see, where the Radirock powder should be, there's an empty jar with a scroll inside. I use my magic to bring it toward me and unscrew the lid. Carrot Top stands beside me.

I unfurl the scroll.

Excellently done. Not only have you found the location of the powder before the Gala is over, but you saw through the illusion before you could deliver it to the Topiary Garden, I'm quite impressed.

As such, you both have passed the second test.

I must admit, I was surprised when I found that two of you passed the first test but I really should have expected it.

I'll do better next time.

Speaking of next time, your third test is actually in Ponyville. The place one of you lives, and the other avoids.

Your job is to beat Rainbow Dash at a game.

Good luck,

C.T.

Beat Rainbow Dash at a game?

Who the hay is Rainbow Dash?

Author's Note:

Boy, I still have no idea how to tag this.

Thank you for reading.

Comments

[Frankie2]

Right now, I can see it tagged with Alternative Universe depending on when this is set. Maybe Adventure, but I'm not sure. Any other tags I would have to wait to see how this story goes.

[ErraticOverlord]

5875224 I always thought after, but I left it a bit ambiguous in case I changed my mind and decided it would be better for the situation to be before.

[ErraticOverlord]

5875264 Good call about that Adventure tag. The first chapter didn't seem much like it, but the second chapter definitely elevates it to that.

[Frankie2]

5877924 Well, if this is set before 'Magic Duel', it will most definitely need an AU tag. Also, how Trixie is received in Ponyville will definitely depends on whether it's before or after. Especially, if she has to run into Rainbow Dash.

[ErraticOverlord]

5878628 That's why I decided it would be after, initially.