Funny top hat wearing Cthulu servant monster becomes am adorable filly.
Yup.
That's exactly how this is going.
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Isabella Ironbound.
That was the name of the child whose DNA I had so unwillingly taken upon my creation. Her name- Her looks- Her soul. Everything I owned. Yet, the other part of my DNA belonged to the Faceless One who had created me. I too, am 'faceless'.
After years of serving my creator, growing stronger and defeating him- I wander aimlessly while still growing stronger. I come across an adventurer who creates an unstable portal. Me being the helpful lad/lass/thing I am decided to help them out.
That was a horrible mistake.
With Isabella's DNA and My master's DNA imprinted upon my soul I have enough problems. Now I have more DNA. I've borrowed a few DNA pieces from other creatures from this world.Along with problems to worry about as I now realize I've become a small horse thing.
Atleast I still have my top hat.
The only big problem I see is how clunky fragmented and sometimes repetitive her internal monologue is. Her way of observing almost random things can be good for the story by showing how she sees the world but her thoughts should flow smoothly from piont to piont. The only exceptions should be when she is startled confused or to emotionally or physically strained to think clearly. Just getting a beta reader should help with that.
Other than that I am tracking the story and have already given it my thumbs up.
EDIT: Also I forgot my commas sorry about that, I really do not like typing.
5722278 Thank you for your input! It's highly valued! I'll do what I can to fix this issue!
Every mistake of mines pointed out can make a better author out of me!
Good starting chapter for this can't wate for the next.
This one has great potential for comedy.
I can't wait to see what sort of happy-sounding pony name our monster gets slaps with.
I wonder if another update will happen soon
Well until then
*hits the follow button*
OK. This seems like a promising start. Interesting concept and far better than average execution at least so far. Now if you would only update this.
Tracking for now. I really want to know what happens next.
Haven't got around to reading this yet {soon, :3 } but you misspelled Cthulhu. I worry the dark one will not be pleased.
[youtube=https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=wdDoFQK4Rrs] this story reminds me of this
Will you be continuing this story?
Is this story in Hiatus? I hope you don't stop this story it seems like a really good idea, and I'd love to read more!
5722661 its a shame that this story is dead. It had so much promise! Alas it's been over a year since it was posted.
this is funny
Update?
Seriously. This could get really good.