This is my first fanfic ever, and where that seems code for "please don't hurt me!" It is nevertheless true.
Anyway:
After a long day at work, Applejack is treated to a surprise set up by her close friends. After enjoying some of the festivities, a mysterious package arrives that reveals a new side to the farm pony that she didn't want her friends to know about.
What follows is a series of one shots through the progression of the events of the show staring a Applejack and Quill Point.
Constructive criticism please
Chapters (3)
Well I'll be damned. The is a super obscure ship that I have never thought of.
Not that it's bad! We will have to see how it is handled, won't we?
I'll just be giving this fic a little...*boop* like, fav, maybe some tracking and spam of bookshelves...
I'll be waiting.
5658836 Thanks! I do have a few ideas on where to continue but time will tell.
5659054 I certainly hope those ideas are brought through!
End? No! It gotta be more!
5660254 perhaps. Thanks for the support
5660729 please.... With sugar on.....
5660733 I can't resist that face, alright.
I love this story so much so I'm glad it updated. That's all I have to say because I will go crazy if I say how awesome this is. Good work! Keep it up!
5683425 you are far too kind. I hope not to disappoint.
5683428 I'm sure you won't
"She responded fast, she must of really liked the jacket, sir."
must HAVE
GOSH
Otherwise, this story's some good stuff. Adding to my fav list.
5684899 Is it 'have'? Must've perhaps. With dialogue I find writing how people talk is more genuine. Now I've got to think on that.
Thanks for the support!
Decent length; great grammar; nice abridged back story, great descriptions...However:
This feels like a Gary Stu self-insert. And not only is the Gary Stu possibly older than AJ, but bigger in frame(According to the available visual) as well which would usually be part of the Earth Pony lineage. This beau has no apparent flaws and that was how Trenderhoof was portrayed as well(Besides gangly and annoying). I'm not liking it so far because of that. I will continue to read because this could lead in an interesting direction.
How does this unicorn not know Shining Armor nor have seen the other Element Bearers at Twilight's coronation? You had the characterization great until after Pinkie's correct answer and then it got a bit shaky. That's fine because you were introducing new possibilities, but it felt contrite. No upvotes or downvotes yet.
Keep what you have and see if you can work around what you see as problems. I'll gladly see where you go with this.
Carry on!
5692773 first of all let me start by saying this is great feedback! Thank you soo much, I can work with this.
As for the flaws I admit I based this character off of Commander Shepard, loosely. There in may be my problem upon reflection, in that he/she is rather blank slate to be open to interpretation. Also the fact that Quill is a ship captain I felt he needed to be in control and cool in order to be believable, in that sense perhaps I wrote myself into a corner.
Still in the coming chapters I am planning to take him off his ship outside his element and into unknown territory that may yield the character flaws that will come through.
I am leaning toward him being prideful and orderly. In correlation with his cutie mark, a feather crossing a sword, he is naturally a strategist planning on what moves to keep him in a point of superior position, he is military and he has a hard time shutting that off, which is why he likes AJ. She can spot what he's doing call him out on it and allow him to be alright with not being above it all. That is also her allure to him, she is the rock for the 6 he in turn is her rock. They both have ponies who depend on them and in each other they can be themselves allow themselves to be vulnerable because the other will protect them.
As for the pic, I admit my art style favors the Anthro style thus I made him taller, size dimorphism and what not. Good pull though I would have never thought of that. In reality he is about her height as guards seem to stand fairly tall regardless of race.
As for Shining and the others, I feel he would have know him in his academy days but then diverged when Shiny went to the guard and he went into the navy, let's assume officers go to one school .... Cavalry Cross Academy? Maybe hafta toy with that.
In coming chapters I hope to Tarantino his and AJ's meetings from there first to there run ins throughout the main story. I plan to have him in Canterlot during the siege and wedding, a lot of open ground to splice in some interaction. Also the time before Twilght moved to Ponyville will no doubt encompass there first meeting.
You have given me much to ponder and I can only hope to deliver on what you have given, thanks again.
5693455
Yeah, without any reference, I assumed after the end of season three or the middle of season four since Tirek wasn't mentioned and he was kind of a big deal.
Thanks for not actually bashing my thoughts too much. It's rare that authors don't do that and continue on. Also, I seemed to have upvoted it anyways and I'll keep it there for now.
5694002 yeah I am sorta leaving it open for now. As much as I can gather the 6 are going on a world tour after Twilight's castles manifests so that would out right render my continuity useless. So winging it.
Gonna start writing now, thanks again.
There minds protested allowing pained howls and screeches to escape there lips
Their, maybe?
5700240 thanks I suck at the use of there and their never could get it right even in school
It's a nicely done chapter, but all I'm seeing is how the incident ended(or not?) and that sometime during, they got to know each other a lot more than I would on dangerous mission. You seem to be really great at chapters of action, but character development seems to be more difficult for you. This incident sounds like it'd make a great prequel. The little you showed doesn't fit with the story you have here. Keep this, but I'd be alright with you going back to the sequel. I thumbs downed because I couldn't understand how this chapter fits, but because of my meddling, I disrupted the story you originally started out with. Going back to thumbs up.