• Member Since 19th Jan, 2013
  • offline last seen Saturday

Cocaine


Part of a machine, I am not a human being.

How to write like me

Step 1
Get the coke




Step 2
Chill out



Step 3
Eat peanut butter




Step 4
Write




Step 5
Post




Step 6
Get out

videos and shit

How to be a jerk, By yours truly - And list of things

Step 1, Talk about only yourself

Step 2, Ignore all losers and loser problems

Step 3, Focus on self-worth

Step 4, Beat your Waifu (Being a fan of "Doing hurtful things to your Waifu" substitutes)

Step 5, Get a girlfriend/boyfriend

Step 6, Repeat steps 1-3

Step 7, Beat your girlfriend/boyfriend

Step 8, Break up

Step 9, Repeat step 5

Step 10, do this shit until you're old, decrepit, worthless and shallow

Step 11, You are now me

and now for something completely different

I must achieve these before I die
[ ] Skeeter The Lurker notices me.
[ ] Telaros' booty.
[ ] Like, 200 followers.
[ ] The largest coolest user page on FimFiction.
[ ] Obsolescence graces three of my stories with his beard.
[ ] TwilightUCrazy finishes his fucking story. also it would be cool if he notices me
[ ] Actually finish a story that isn't a one-shot.
[ ] 1 million notifications.
[ ] Stop being a dick.

My List of The Greatest Shit - Popular and not so

Let's start shit off with a bang; One In A Million is a fantastic story. I fucking loved Scootaloo. I loved the setting. The Plot. Characters. It was a helluva read. Kept me busy at work, that's dope.
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To Romance A Magician is probably an include in any romance-lovers favorite list. I mean, sheit. Sure it puts around sometimes, but when it hits the feels, oh it hits.
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Vinyl & Octavia: University Days is, uh. You know. One of the greatest things on this site.
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Alright dudes let's get to one of the OG's, New Girl: An AppleDash Fic. I mean shit, I honestly think this was my first MLP FanFic. One hell of a start. It is criminal that the story was left unfinished. Such a sad falling out.
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Roll for Initiative is one of those dope ass stories that are so, so hard to come across. I mean seriously - the author truly has a passion for Dungeons & Dragons and My Little Pony.
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Of course, the FanFic that spawned hundreds of other fanfics, Fallout: Equestria is just...jesus god. it is beautiful.
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Hey, It's Me is one of the lesser known stories, but I think it is fucking brilliant. I mean jesus titty fucking christ. There are some problems I have with the story, that do hurt my rating of the story, but the personality.
It's oozing with the stuff. It created my standard for any humanized Rainbow Dash - that's the level of personality we're talking about.
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I don't know where the hell the story went, but Stockholm is easily one of if not my favorite stories of all time. The impact it left on me when I read it so long ago (And again before it disappeared) has been critical to my writing style, the tone of my stories, and what stories I like. It had that big of an impact on me. It was just a juicy, delicious fucking gem that I am very sad to see vanish from the internets. If someone finds it, please, please send me the link.
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Oroboro comes in with another sick fucking treat for us Appledash fans. Sad to see it has so little views. I guess people have seen enough Appledash, and to be fair, it has been done to death. Next Time is still worth a read guys. Like...the fucking dialogue! Listen, the dialogue is just dank. Total Life is Strange vibes man.
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More coming soon. Meantime, enjoy this.

good shit that needs more recognition
97

This is pretty much all you need to know about me. Warning, I swear a lot

Formerly known as; Dan_The_Jerk, -Dan
Now known as Cocaine. Edgy.

Holy shit

Holy fucking shit

If you want some dope music as you browse my page.

Some Dude-Today at 1:03 AM

If you had a chance to smoke with Snoop for a full day from his personal stash, how fast would you accept?

Incoherent Creaming-Today at 1:06 AM

Before he finished offering.
you know what? no.
I would of course except, but I would devote my whole life to science afterwards.
So that I would make the first timemachine.

Mlpdzrmlp Mlpdzrmlp-Today at 1:08 AM

LOL
This slayed me

Incoherent Creaming-Today at 1:08 AM

I would go back in time, and through a seiries of failures and successes, determine the exact moment he decided he would accept me to do such an honor.
Before he spoke, when his mind decided. I would pop out of no-where to him and say yes right then.
...And then keep going back in time to do so because HELLA.

“Sometimes you must hurt in order to know, fall in order to grow, lose in order to gain, because life's greatest lessons are learned through pain.”

Comments ( 286 )
  • Viewing 277 - 286 of 286

Thanks for the follow :twilightsmile:

2593784
Wtf does that even mean

2593781
I'll take your word for it.

In fact, I'll take multiple words from you.

2593571
He was one letter off from being me.

I'd say me and the teen spirit himself have a connection.

Wasn't Kurt Cobain fond of you?

Thanks for the watch. :pinkiehappy:

2554874
If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have know this existed;

Plus you seem pretty cool. Shut up and take a follow.

There is quite literally no reason for you to be following me. Are you lost, mate?

  • Viewing 277 - 286 of 286
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An extremely small collection of things

I like OC's. They're pretty cool. Who's to say you can't be the embodiment of a canon character, though? If I were to make an OC, sheit, it'd just be a hell of a lot like Dash anyways. So why not just say we're one and the same?

bam.







check out this thing








See what people are saying about me

What I Do When I Write

this is the shit i wrote about for the thing. i dunno, all my reviews are garbage

Warning: huge fucking spoilers

This is pretty fucking fantastic. It's also a cliche fest. I mean, Of course Scootaloo would do her equivalent of a sonic rainboom. Of course she would get tricked by Ruby Shine. Of course her roommate is the pre-established bully. Of course the bully has a kind younger sister. Of course the sister is better than her in pretty much every way.

There's probably more I missed. It's not important. There's cliches done very well. I mean, they're not bad.

Stuff I disliked;

Pretty much consisting entirely of the ending. It was probably just the fact that the tone of the story took a big curve from dealing with bullies in school and shit, to Scootaloo being this figure of diversity, or Cookie put it. Not that it didn't make sense- it did. Just, it kinda came out of nowhere. If there was some foreshadowing from Twilight or something. "Scootaloo, there is a reason you have this talent. It's bigger than us." Or something like that. Tack on a little somethin', on top of Twilight's "An uneducated magician is dangerous." Also, why the hell didn't she send a second letter?
"Dude the Headmaster is a HUGE dick plz help." And...I find it a little disturbing Scootaloo just let it fly that the Princess let her go through that shit, for the sake of seeing what exactly was wrong with the school. I dunno, it feels a little contrived.

That's pretty much it. Legit, I either didn't mind the other stuff, loved it, or thought it was so small it didn't need mentioning.

Shit I liked;

dude oh my god Ruby Shine is such a fucking douchebag. I do love that the bullies were bullies to the end. Y'know, I was fully expecting them to turn around and become good friends or some crap, because that's just the tone of my little pony. But fucking hell you went straight through to the end with them, and it made it so fuckin sweet. Dude, it was SO hilarious when River was about to spill her (Icy) heart out to Scootaloo about Trixie and whatever, and Scootaloo just walked out. Fucking. Legendary.

There were some other pretty juicy bits. The whatever-boom was pretty dope. Night Whisper was a sweetheart. Cookie was a homie. The story around the middle/near the end made me really feel for Scootaloo. And I felt a huge attachment to Rainbow Dash, her fellow crusaders, and Twilight Sparkle, even if they weren't around long. It was great! I felt immersed. Well done.

So yep. My rating for this is :moustache:


SPOILERS - SERIOUSLY

so after reading, I can safely say Spitfire is fucking bipolar. I wouldn't have minded it so much if the protagonist brought it up at all. then there was,

leave my office. get back in here. now leave for real. no wait come back. now you can leave. but before you go...

come into my room play some games! now gtfo. ok come back. no srsly gtfo. leave now. you fucking douchebag. no wait come back.

seriously. then my other problem was holy shit, protagonist is a huge pussy. I couldn't identify with him at all. Sure, there's being tense. I would be if I was heading to my boss who was big of a cunt as the beginning depicted her as, but in like...the first twenty lines of dialogue, we see her "bitchy boss" persona drop. like immediately.

Now, I'm cool with these obscure story ideas, and making them out to be not what they seemed. I mean, the narrative is self aware with the 90's porno shit. there are so many elements to this story that I'm not sure what the theme/point of the narrative was. It was more like, a deleted scene to a much bigger story. going into it with that as my mindset certainly helps me a lot more. Spitfire's childhood/upbringing, envy of step-sister, relationship to Soarin (as in her envy to him too), then the random-ass porn photos. Y'know, I think I can roll with it though. as weird as it is, I've experienced something eerily similar.

I don't know how in the flying fuck Spitfire got into the wonderbolts let alone being captain. The only bits where I saw her being a captain was her drastic fucking mood swings where she yelled and whatever. Most of her other dialogue was crying, confusion, unsure of herself, whining. Like christ dude.

....Other than that, through your whole thing, I caught two grammatical errors. Either you ran through this with no errors like a beast, or you edited the shit out of it. the analogies, idioms, descriptions, transitions...it was all good. I had problems with the structure of the story and characters - the actual writing was great. keep that in mind.

all in all, I give this story an adorable little shit out of 10

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