New town.

One beautiful morning in PonyVille, Twilight was sitting in her new castle, with her 5 best friends. They each had they're own throne, but Twilight was the only alicorn Princess.

They were talking about royal business when Twilight saw this weird button under her throne. All 6 ponies found one under their throne too! So they decided to press the buttons, out of curiosity. All of a sudden a huge table grew out of the ground right in the middle of the room. On the table a magical map of Equestria layed. They were confused and excited!

Twilight noticed a weird place on the map that none of them had ever seen before! She said to her friends "Maybe this new place is telling me something, maybe we should follow it!"

Pinkie Pie agreed that it was the best thing to do, because it might lead to some fun adventure! So the 6 best friends headed off to the new land.

Once they got there, it looked like a normal city simalar to Appleoosa. But this city was different. All the ponies had HUGE smiles on their faces, and it looked like they were having some kind of celebration. The pegasi were holding a huge banner with a huge equal sign on it, and the unicorns and earth ponies were on the ground singing a song. Pinkie Pie started to get suspicious, and said "I don't like this! NOT ONE BIT!"

Rainbow dash replied, "Maybe there's some horific monster behind this!"

Twilight said, "I don't see anything wrong, their just having a party!"

Pinkie Pie said "OOOO I LOVE PARTIES!!!" And Pinkie hopped into the town and started laughing and trying to talk to the ponies. But when twilight and her friends walked into the strange town she noticed something different about the ponies cutie marks. All of them had an equal sign on their flank!!! All of them were smiling really big, but there was just one unicorn with an evil smirk on her face.

Twilight started to get scared, so she gathered up her friends and left the town.

On their way back to PonyVille they noticed a cave that they hadn't seen on their way there. Twilight entered the cave and her 5 worried friends hopped in after her.

After walking deep into the cave they found a wall with a huge colorful rectangle. After looking really close, they saw a whole bunch of little marks, which looked like thousands of pony's cutie marks! Above the rectangle was a huge equal sign! Equal signs everywhere! This couldn't be a coincidence!

Twilight immediately went home and sent a letter to the princess! Shortly after sending the letter she got a quick responce, the letter read "Dear princess Twilight, I know nothing about this new city, but I think it's your duty to investigate this town. I alerted princess Cadence to help you, because I am in Manehatten for a meeting with one of my dear friends. Just be careful! Signed Princess Celestia."

Twilight and her friends spent all night researching, but they never found a single word in Twilight's books regarding the weird city. The next morning all 6 ponies decided to travel there again.

Once they got there, all the ponies were still singing and dancing, but the unique unicorn was galloping away towards the cave! They crept into the cave, and followed the sound of the unicorns steps.

They eventually saw the mysterious mare in front of the big lit-up rectangle. In the rectangle was six missing cutie marks, and the strange unicorn was mumbling to herself. Rainbow dash whispered "I'm going in!"

Twilight stopped Rainbow and said, "Together." They slowly crept up behind the mumbling unicorn.

The purple and green mare turned around and said "Finally!" She started to power up her horn. The six friends ran away fast and got lost in the cave.

Rarity walked into a weird room, it was filled with old, icky artwork and a cage in the corner.

Rainbow Dash flew into a room with a huge hole in the wall, and she flew out.

Pinkie, Applejack, Fluttershy, and Twilight ran out of the cave and back to PonyVille. When twilight noticed two of her friends were missing she panicked, and ran back to the cave. The other three friends stayed at the castle and calmed down.

Rarity was laying down on the cave floor crying, and Rainbow Dash was in front of the cave trying to find the rest of her friends, when Twilight saw Rainbow and hugged her tightly. They went into the cave to find Rarity.

Once the three ponies were united again they sat in the room where Rarity was, and started crying. The unidentified unicorn heard the crying and walked into the room.

Quietly she pulled a lever and caught all three ponies in the cage. She powered up her horn and transformed all three ponies cutie marks into equal signs.

All of a sudden Rarity, Rainbow Dash, and Twilight started smiling really big, and hopped over to the strange town to join the other ponies in celebration.

The evil pony headed back to the rectangle and put their cutie marks in three of the empty slots.

Back at the castle, Fluttershy, Applejack, and Pinkie Pie started to get worried, so they ran back to the cave to find their friends. But the missing ponies were nowhere to be found!

They went to the town, and immediately saw Rarity singing and dancing in the crowd! Once they walked up to her she didn't recognize them, and Rarity creepily said, "Join us!"

They saw that rarity's cutie mark was replaced! Once they found Twilight and Rainbow dash holding the banner, AppleJack gathered them up, and pushed them out of the town.

Once everypony made it back to the castle, Pinkie Pie said "We have to do something! They're smiling like creepy monsters, and they have an equal sign on their flank!"

"Monsters? Eeeeek where?!?!" Screamed Fluttershy.

Applejack said "I reckon that unicorn is the towns leader, and she's stealing those innocent ponies destiny!" Spike sent a letter to the princess alerting her of the news.

Princess Celestia sent Cadence to the castle. They told her about the crazy unicorn stealing ponies destiny, and Cadence, worried, replied "Oh no, I knew this would happen someday... I should of imprisoned her while I had the chance..."

She told the three sane ponies to stay at the castle while she took Twilight, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash back to the town.

Back about 50 years ago a terrible thing happened. The unicorn was Cadences mom. Her name was Equality. She only wanted world peace, and ended up making a spell that could make all of Equestria equal In every way. She started to get carried away and made everyone insane while making ponies equal. She too became insane, but Cadence took action and put her in an insane asylum.

Cadence was just a Pegasus filly at the time, but after being so heroic, Celestia gifted her with a horn, and crowned her a new Princess of Equestria. It wasn't long before Cadence received her cutie mark, and became the Princess of Love.

She thought by imprisoning her mom it would keep Equestria safe, but apparently she was wrong, and Equality escaped. Now Equality was taking action again, and she was after the spirits of Elements of Harmony's cutie marks, so she could control the world with the elements.

Once Cadence, Twilight, Rainbow, and rarity got back to the town, Cadence put them in a protective spell so they couldn't run in to the town again. Cadence flew straight towards the town, and found Equality.

Once Cadence's mom saw her she said "Cadence? WHY ARE YOU HERE?!?!?!? IM INNOCENT!!!!"

Cadence replied "I see what your doing! It's time for you to go to where you belonged all this time, Equality!"

Equality magically transported to the cave, and hid in the room with the cutie mark wall. Cadence transported herself there too, and saw the wall. She realized that it was happening again! Once Equality was able to get the last three destiny's she would be able to power the elements, and take over the world. But Cadence wouldn't let that happen! She knew that the only way she could stop this, is to Perform her love spell on Equality.

Cadence found Equality, and did her famous spell on her. She Immediately started smiling uncontrollably, and said "Cadence! It's been so long since I've seen you sweetie! Can we please put the past behind us? I just wanted to stop the wars, but I guess I didn't get what I wanted, and got a bit carried away... I love you Cadence!

Cadence said "I can forgive you if you fix the mess you've made!"

Then all of a sudden Equality levitated the thousands of cutie marks into the city, and found the flank they belonged to. Twilight, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash got released from the spell and got their cutie marks back too.

When Equality finished, Cadence cried, "I love you too, mom!" They cried in eachothers arms, and went back to PonyVille together to rejoice!

When they got back to the castle, all 8 ponies rejoiced and decided to build a new city in the newly discovered part of Equestria.

Many different ponies lived there, they called the new town "Equalsville!" And Equality was the mayor.

for the next 6 years of Equality's life, Everypony loved her! And mourned her death at the age of 97.

THE END

Author's Note:

I wrote this, after I saw the season 5 trailers. I'm super hyped about season 5, so I decided to take the little details in the trailers, and turn them into a fanfic. The episode shouldn't be anything like this when it comes out, but I know that there will be some equal sign cutie marks!(spoiler) I hope you liked it! If there are any mistakes I made, please comment them, because I'm only 14, so my grammar isn't perfect.

1,341 views

Comments ( 13 )

Viewing 1 - 50 of 13
- Newest First
- Oldest First

Gold Ink

Gold Ink #1 · Feb 20th, 2015 · · ·

This is season 5 premier!

Apatheia

Apatheia #2 · Feb 20th, 2015 · 1 · ·

There's a lot to say about this. First, I won't be able to capture all of it. Second, I won't be able to talk about it in a way that is clear and understandable. We will have to make do. The discussion will be in no particular order.

This is the best fic I've read today.

Now, it's clear to me that a lot of people did not and will not give you the benefit of the doubt. This is unfortunate. All young authors who do make a sincere attempt to write something that is neither their self-insert OC nor some forsaken crossover should be received in a constructive way. Not ignored. This assumes that you are actually fourteen years old. I cannot decide between that and the belief that you are a fellow college student playing a structured and buried joke. The fact that I believe you are a college student, if you are not, should be taken as high compliment.

Let us say that this is, maybe without your intention, the most complex fic I've encountered all day.

Dissonance. First, the face value. Second, the hidden 'spirit' of what you've written.

Face value. It's an endearingly-written oneshot about the Main Six. There's an adventure, a villain, a conflict, and Cadance gets a part too. There's a twist. The villain gets redeemed, they live happily ever after. I'm glossing over it here because I'm impatient. Know that the happy parts were done well.

The spirit. This is what I want to get at. Now, I don't expect you to make any sense of it. Just trying to put the words into shape to talk about it is maximizing the stress. We'll use the description as a model.

"The mane 6 follow a map to a town in Equestria where everypony is equal in every way."
"Will Equestria be saved from the evil unicorn behind this?"

Let's put it like this. The fic is this beautiful, idyllic, simple, happy narrative, but there is this seething, sinister ghost haunting it - a ghost that has absolutely no evidence in the text, yet I could not escape the suspicion that it was there. Writers who know what this effect feels like to experience would pay quite a lot to be able to capture it.

1. A majority of people believe that a society in which everyone is equal in every way would be a happy utopia.
2. People also associate Equestria-per-the-show as a happy utopia.
3. Put Utopia 1 inside Utopia 2 but there's an evil unicorn running it.

First of all, you're right to say that a society of full equality would be evil. That is a complex thought and most of why I think you might be much older than you say.

Look. There is a sinister feeling when the happy utopia has an evil ruler. The two don't match. If it's really a happy utopia, is the ruler evil? If it's really an evil ruler, can it possibly be a happy utopia? Here, though, the two things do impossibly exist at the same time.

The sinister feeling is that I absolutely could not be sure what happens next. You present this contradiction of tone right off the bat with the description. This dissonance sits through the whole fic. The question extends to: can I trust what you're writing? Everything is presented so happily, can I trust that? In the next paragraph, will the Main Six suddenly fall into a horrible, unspeakable fate by this cryptic evil unicorn? Which side is the evil side, really? Is the fic hiding a deeper meaning? Is there some secret meaning crawling up from underneath the text like a Lovecraftian daemon, and if I see it, will it terrify me, will it kill me? Fear fear fear.

"The mane 6 follow a map to a town in Equestria where everypony is equal in every way."
Okay. I don't see anything wrong or evil about this.

"Will Equestria be saved from the evil unicorn behind this?"
But it IS evil.

Dissonance dissonance dissonance. When you introduce this evil unicorn, then in the body of the work nothing really seems evil at all - but can the appearances be trusted? And so on and so on.

Well done.

Please don't change any grammar mistakes, don't change anything. They contribute to the innocent atmosphere of the fic, and that should be kept up. The fic has nothing to suggest that it isn't the happy adventure oneshot that it is - but I can't shake the feeling that it might be more than it seems. I can't answer that question, not now, not even if I keep re-reading it - and that's why it's so good.

And when you do manage to get your readers questioning themselves like this, it's best to never tell them the real answer.

Please do continue writing with the mindset that you used for this one. Please don't try to consciously write-in dissonances like this after reading this. They only work when the reader can't be sure if they were done on purpose. If you do achieve some big effect with your next work, I'll let you know.

Do whatever you want to do. I'll at least give the next one a shot.

FelineFluff

FelineFluff #3 · Feb 20th, 2015 · · ·

5648060 Your message was really long, but I read it anyways. I think I understand what your saying... Your vocabulary is much bigger than mine but I think I caught a "good job" in there so lol thanks! The unicorn was evil, because she turned insane, and she made the townsponies insane too. I think that was a question of yours. But thanks for being one of the first readers

FelineFluff

FelineFluff #4 · Feb 20th, 2015 · · ·

5648028 As I said in my authors notes ^^^ I said that I watched the trailers, and when I saw the cutie mark wall, and the evil unicorn in the cave with the equal signs everywhere, I decided to write about it. And the season five premier won't be anything like this, except for those details. Cadence definetly won't save the day and princesses don't even know their moms in the show. Thanks for commenting on my story though