Scootaloo gets her cutiemark

by Discordofchaos

the chapter

In a galaxy far far away.

Wait that’s not the story.

I know but it sounds more interesting than in a town called Ponyvilli.

Just stick to the script.

What script you’re just making this up as you go. I’m just the narrator that’s just a voice in your head.

Just get back to the real story.

Ok well in the town of Ponyvilli a teen pony named Scootaloo who was practicing to become a wonderbolt. Trying to live up to Rainbow Dash and be one of the greats. She was trying to make a sonic boom like Rainbow’s sonic rainboom but with her trick added spinning.

"Hey Scoots what you up to".
"Hey Rumble not much just practicing a spinning sonic boom."
"Cool me and some of the flyers from the academe are going to lunch in Cloudsdale want to come."
"Sure."
"Cool let me introduce you to my friends from the academe you know Featherweight and this is Takahata101 yes he’s a bat pony but don’t let his cutemark trick you he doesn’t eat ponies."

"No I don’t eat ponies just drink blood."

"Really?"

"Fuck no that stuff taste like iron terrible."

"Ok well nice to meet you I guess."

"Ya so Rumble is she the one?"

"What one?"

"Oh nothing."

"Yep she’s the one."

"What one what are you guys talking about?"

"Oh Rumble has a crush on you."

"Taka you jackass I was going to tell her that!"

"You moved to slow so Featherweight you haven’t said anything this whole time what’s up?"

"Oh I’ve just been taking pictures of the next top wonderbolts team."

"And who would that be?"

"The team of Taka, Rumble, and Scootaloo the three best fliers I know."

"Really man what about you?"

"I’m not that fast."

"Don’t cut yourself short I mean Scootaloo doesn’t even have a cutemark and she couldn’t fly for a good part of her younger years."

"Taka don’t be a dick."

"Did I say something wrong?"

"No but we don’t talk about Scootaloo’s disabilities it's very rude."

"Oh ok sorry Scoots."

"No problem it’s cool."

"So who’s up for hayburgers on me?"

"As long as you’re buying I’m cool Rumble."

"Ok how about you Feather?"

"Ya. And you Taka?"

"As long as you by the hayfries this time."

"How’s your trick going Scoots?"

"Not bad still haven’t broken the sound barrier."

"So you’re going almost 340.28 m/s cool wish I could do that."

"Maybe one day Taka but you’re slower than me and I can’t go that fast."

"You two just need to practice with me if you want to catch up to me."

"How long do you train? Oh I’d say about 10 hours out of the day."

"Wow I only practice 5 hours then I get bored."

"We all know that Taka."

"Hey I’ll have you know I’m twice as fast as you Rumble."

"Prove it you me and Scootaloo race now."

"You’re on and Scootaloo you’re going down faster than Rumble’s grades."

"Hey I get passing grades!"

"Ya d’s."

"Shut up and just come on we need a judge you know anyone?"

"We can ask Soarin, Spitfire, or Rainbow dash."

"Lets get captain Soarin."

"Ok where is he?"

"At HQ where else would he be?"

"Well lots of places the field' Ponyvilli, Rainbow’s bed."

"Really Taka really."

"What he could."

"Whatever let’s go."

"Hey Soarin."

"Hey Scoots what are you up to I haven’t seen Rainbow dash all day if that who your looking for."

"No we need you to be are judge."

"Ok who are you racing?"

"Rumble and Takahata101."

"Really are you giving them a handicap?"

"No they want to see how much better I am then them."

"Ok witch one likes you?"

"That would be Rumble."

"Oooooh ok I’ll judge for you but only if you help me on hearts and hooves day with Rainbow dash."

"Deal thanks Soarin."

"I wouldn't be doing my job if I said no."

"Ok guys the race is on your both going down."

"We’ll see Scoots we’ll see now let’s get started."

"Ok you all know the rules no cheating and no biting Taka."

"Ya ya I know."

"On you mark get set go. And there of with Scootaloo in the lead followed by Taka then Rumble."

"Come on guys are you even trying?"

"No maybe yes."

"Ha slow."

"Fuck of Rumble!"

"Just come on she’s 2 laps ahead."

"Well that was a fun race we should do it again sometime".

"Maybe late I’m tired what to go to my house I have soda and video game I have Ponyball z."

"I’m but no using ssj4 gogeta you cheat with him."

"Hey just cus you can’t beat him does me it’s a cheat character."

"Whatever you coming Scoots?"

"Ya I’ll be there in a minute I’m just going to have Soarin tell me what I’m doing wrong that I can’t make a sonic boom."

"Ok cool see you there."

"Hey Soarin can you help me with something."

"Sure childo what do you need?"

"Well you’ve seen Rainbow Dash’s sonic rainboom can you tell me what I’m doing wrong?"

"Let see what you got……ok you have speed down but your form when you’re spinning gets sloppy when you’re doing trick picture you’re doing for somepony special to you."

"I’ll try."

"Ok well I got to go bye. See you later."

"Ok now to go to Taka’s place where did they say it was? Hmmmmmm I’ll just call Rumble."

(“Do I turn you on? Maybe, yeah I'm wrong But I like where I'm going I leave when others stay I never re-decide I don't mind if you wait But I don't waste my time Crazy is just fine 'Cause I like where I'm going”) "hey Rumble your phone is going off."

"Can you hand it to me? What’s up Scootaloo?"

"You guys never told me were Taka lives."

"Oh sorry I’ll be there in a minute k."

"k just hurry up it getting cold."

"I’ll bring you my jacket."

"That’s cool bye."

"Bye hey Taka I’m going to go pick up Scootaloo she doesn’t know where you live."

"Ok but you could have just given her directions."

"But then it wouldn’t any fun in that."

"Whatever just go get the girl."

"Be right back."

"Took your sweet ass time getting here."

"Yea sorry I did bring the jacket."

"It’s cool I’ve just been practicing my trick I think I got it down now I want to show you."

"Ok let’s see what you got."

"Ok here we go" (come on Scootaloo you got this he’s watching don’t screw this up) she thought to herself.

"Wow she’s doing it she’s amazing" Rumble thought. And with one loud boom Scootaloo broke the sound barrier she started to spin the color became an orange and purple mix.

When Scootaloo finished she flew over to Rumble and said “so how did you like the show”?
Rumble leaned in and kissed Scootaloo right on the lips and pulled away and said “it was perfect” with a blush on his.
I’m glad you liked it because that was very hard to pull off.

"Yea I bet well we should get back to Taka’s he might get pissed if we blow him off".

"Ok lead the way."

"So Scoots what to be my super special somepony?"

"I would love to."

"Yes".

"So how was your two’s night because mine sucked."

"Sorry we’re late but Scootaloo finished her spiral boom".

"Really that’s what you’re calling it?"

"Yep."

"Ok well I just kill 5 online players."

"Cool oh yea me and Scootaloo are dating now."

"Cool oh yea Scootaloo nice cutemark."

"Wait what?"

"Scoots when did you get your mark?"

"I don’t know might have been when I did the spiral boom."

"So you guys going to sit down and play or are we just going to talk all night?"

"Ok give me a controller."

"Here you go." (Well this is the end of this story)

Author's Note:

sorry i forgot i had featherweight in this story

Comments

[HealingPassion]

It was a very cute story and I really was wondering where featherweight went lol! Maybe get someone to look over your work and fix the grammer mistakes. Btw what was the mark?

[CloudRunner]

You're trying too hard.

[The Guardian and Friends]

Rumble introduces his friend Takahata101 to Scootaloo.

He introduces a username?

[peachesaqua222]

5645367 Self insert, I should think. That's probably the author's username on something else.

[Commissar Rarity]

5645474 5645367
Takahata101 is a guy who does voice over work for Abridged series and is in the new Dragonball game.

So it's not self-insertion, it's fellating someone the author likes.

[PegaSeraph]

EDITOR NEEDED.
here, I made you a sign

[viclouiis]

What's ponyvilli?

[Discordofchaos]

5645079 no i'm not try at all the begging of the story should prove that

[Gear Change]

Why is Takahata of Team Four Star in this?

[Blackguard]

Egad! I don't think I've ever seen a story so full of talking head syndrome. That's where you have characters just talking to each other and nothing else happens. They're not performing any other action, nothing else is happening it's just two characters talking. It's like a scene straight out of this movie:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K0qwuSOk6aY
What I'm talking about starts around the 16:00 minute mark as the two leads stand in front of green screens and talk. That's it and that is exactly what this story reminds me of.

You need descriptions. You need settings. You need actions that aren't just a couple of characters talking in inane dialogue.

[Discordofchaos]

5648043 to answer your question because i can

[Discordofchaos]

to answer everyones question i had Takahata101 in this was because i had a friend draw me an oc of him was going to put it up but now fuck no you all hate it anyway so why should i give any fucks about it. and the grammer will be fixed on my time.thank you to the 5 people who liked this story the rest i don't care about

[Elric of Melnipony]

5650150

you all hate it anyway

Yes, of course we do -- it sucks! Seriously, I was writing better at age 12, and that's despite being educated in the public school system in the state of Arkansas!

why should i give any fucks

I wasn't aware that you did to begin with. It sure doesn't look like you did.

the grammer will be fixed on my time

Fix the spelling, too, 'cause it's "grammar". You also need to fix your punctuation, capitalization, lack of descriptions, adding in a character with with a name so un-pony it's not even funny, and the fact that a huge chunk of your story is just line after line of dialogue.

And regarding the five upvotes: I suspect those people are all on drugs.

[Discordofchaos]

5650317 do you want a medal for that?

[Discordofchaos]

so i take that as a yes here's your award 270c81.medialib.glogster.com/media/cc/cc5496e52c538c0fb263b78a388fd883460e1ac0d7bef9917c100b5013e66992/bitch-certificate.jpg go had print it out because you earned it

[Discordofchaos]

i lied fbcdn-sphotos-h-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpa1/v/t1.0-9/11006365_872377399487141_283916511880516257_n.jpg?oh=a1077039ab1c5823633dddbc2e0169fd&oe=5557D362&__gda__=1435924063_56ae5815795302238738ebcc1481804a

[Limelight02]

Good story.

[Phaedra]

5651131 That was rude.

[Elric of Melnipony]

5819840
It's what happens when children aren't properly socialized. Either he'll grow out of it, or he'll eventually end up in jail.

[Sauron]

5645367

Oh look. A fossil from when Guardian Theater Critic was still a respectable member of the community.

Should I downvote on principle, or leave it as is because the comment was alright?

[Fallen Prime]

5651306 ...that's not even a Taka ponification. That's fucking Alucard.

[Discordofchaos]

5819840 i met it to

[Discordofchaos]

why do people keep commenting if they didn't like the story and you who you are

[Discordofchaos]

5820513 i know it was just easier to have it made as alucard. but Taka does voice alucard

[Phaedra]

5821932 m.quickmeme.com/img/e2/e2f5aa6bfb9d5754ab2678075f95572c502ae22456f125bf4c7ac4aaf055af85.jpg
5821985 Well, I saw this story a while back when it was submitted to multiple badfic groups, but didn't read it because I couldn't have cared less. Now it has been submitted to my own badfic group, so I wondered why the title sounded familiar.

[Fallen Prime]

5821991 Yeah, he voices a LOT of people. He also, you know, has his own physical appearance. He's been on camera several times.

[Discordofchaos]

5820161 i just felt you were insulting me so i acted childish calling you a bitch for that i am some what sorry please accept my apology

[Dragonborne Fox]

5825741 Please get an editor and Google docs; script format is banned and this story can be removed by the mods if not re-written.

[SpookyPrincesssa]

I found you off rage reviews, but I enjoyed it still

[femikol]

Is this a trollfic?

[femikol]

"Whatever let’s go."
<INSERT INSTANTANEOUS TELEPORT HERE>
"Hey Soarin."

[Prince Gray]

This story wasn't funny, the grammar is very off and you cannot have a story entirley made up of dialogue. You should also work on the transitioning as well.

[Mocha Star]

This is like sharknado.

It gets a like for being so bad it's good.
:)

Sequel? Prequel!?

The sequel is in the prequel!

[Discordofchaos]

6271029 glad you liked it and I'll have to think about a sequel or prequel

[Mocha Star]

6271063
don't listen to the haters, there's a whole group of people who like stories like this.
Otherwise group pages like rage reviews wouldn't exist.

You write it I'll read it.

Give me a sharknado 2!
Or tremors 3.

So you watch movies like those?
If not watch one. :)

Keep on keeping on!

[TheFanficFanPony]

"I would love to."
"Yes".

The best part of the story, right here.

[metroid_freak]

Holy mother of God...