Left for dead
(After the events of flight to the finish)
"Hey Scoots congrats on winning," i told Scootaloo. she thanked me and said that it felt amazing to beat Diamond Tiara after what she did. i proceeded to ask "wait what did she do?" She told me about her making fun of the fact she couldnt fly. That bitch should know better! Everypony knows that her wings are a disablity and she can't do anything about it. I congratulated Applebloom and Sweetie belle and was on my way. they asked me where I was going and told them I had some business to attend to...
"No i mean where?" asked Sweetie Belle.
"If you must know im going to teach Diamond Tiara a lesson. she's gonna be hurting hard after i'm done with her. Heck, she'll be luck if she's alive!" They looked at me as if I was insane. Its her fault. She just pushes my buttons. Heck she pushes everypony's buttons. I'm not just doing this for Scootaloo, I'm doing it for everypony shes ever hurt physically or menatally...
"Hey Lightning, were are you going?" It was my good friend
Cherryfizz asking me this.
"Cherry listen I don't know if you'll understnd but I'm going to teach Diamond Bitch a lesson."
"Lightning"
" I know that your gonna try to stop me but I don't care."
"Lightning,"
" She made fun of Scootaloo caus of her disability. I don't care if we have a rivalry, that's unacceptable"
"LIGHTNING!!!"
"Yea? jeez no need to scream"
" I was gonna say punch her once for me and go get her." I smiled and hugged my best friend and left to find the bastard...
"Hey Dinky. I'm really surprised with what you got on that test. You actually got less than Snails! Its not a surprise though, since Derpy is your mom." I heard Diamond Bitch day to Dinky. Dinky proceeded to cry and this increased my anger.
"LEAVE HER ALONE YOU BITCH!!!"
I told Dinky to leave in the nicest way possible and told her i needed to take care of something with these plotholes. Of course i didn't say plothole because Dash told me that Derpy didn't want her daughter hearing swears. Dinky was a good kid and you didn't want to mess with Dinky because that meant facing the wrath of Derpy. Of course that rule doesn't apply to Diamond Tiara because her daddy is an extremly powerful man. Dinky doesn't see me as a bully but she knows that I am something to be feared. She left me to deal with the motherbuckers.
" Oh look Spoony. Its miss Suicdal. I bet shes come here to beg for money or something. She should just go to the box that she came from... that is if she can remember!" That was a bad move. She's only making me angrier. I told her that I came to teach her a lesson. She just gave me the 'oh im so scared' face. Silver Spoon looked scared like she knew what was coming. I decided that I'd leave her alone since I'd seen plenty of times that she was just a pawn in Diamond Tiara's game. I told Diamond what she had done was despicable. i get making fun of her blank flank because i do that too but i have standards.
"Making fun of a disablity is just discusting. And the suicide thing? Are you so pathetic and evil that you'd even think about making fun of it? But i'm not here to talk about me. I'm here to defend Scootaloo. I know that I don't see eye to eye with her but I'll defend anypony in need. And you are gonna get whats coming to you..."
"OMG. you think that you scare me? well me and Silver Spoon can easily take you on. Right Spoony?"
Silver Spoon actually looked like she was doubting Diamond Tiara and wondering whether siding with her was the right thing to do. "N-no." All bitchiness drained from her face. This looked like it had never happened before. I was actually taken aback from this.
"W-What? Spoony quit joking around."
" NO! I'm tired of listening to everything you say. Why did I ever think that we were doing the right thing? I'm a bully. Look what you turrned me into. A bully! I can't believe that i ever thought you ever cared about me. All you've ever done is use me! I can't believe that at one point, I loved you with all my heart. And now I I I I HATE YOU DIAMOND TIARA!!! Goodbye and have a nice life" A single tear fell down and she left. I can't believe it but i actually felt sorry for her. She'd lost her only friend. It didn't last long. Soon all my anger came crawling back...
Even I was surprised by what I saw. Diamond Tiara was scared. She looked genuinely terrified. She should be. I started punching her gut. There was a new technique that Rainbow Dash had taught me. It was to break a pony's hoof. Not really break it but keep it in agonising pain and not be able to move it for a week tops. I then turbo punched her chest witch should have at least collasped a lung. I actually bit a good chunk of flesh. I spat it out but the wound bled like crazy. I punched out a couple of teeth for good measure and left her. I told her I'm not scared of her or her father. " y-y-you'll p-p-pay f-f-for -t-this"
I gave her a black eye. I left saying a badass line " now your eye and soul are the same colour"
Hey thanks for reading my story. im leaving it as a one shot until the demand for another chapter is large enough. sorry for any spelling mistakes and i hope you enjoyed it. leave constructive critisem for what you think i can do better next time. also say what you liked too 
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- L1ghtning Rider · 1.4k words · 6 10 · 520 views
- L1ghtning Rider · 4.6k words · 315 views
Stats
Page generated in 0.105 seconds
Total duration
1,101 users online
1,465,158 hits today, 1,960,719 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
nope. nope nope. this story is shit nope
Is this for real?
Did you seriously just do what I think you did?
I hate you now.
I'm sorry, but I can't forgive anypony who thinks that you can bully someone to get back for being bullied.
Diamond Tiara has a hard life, you know.
Did you know that?
I take it you're not a fan of Diamond Tiara?
5584036
Let this sink in, newfound ally...
Diamond Tiara was upstaged by the CMC at the most important event of her life, the Cute Ceñera. She'd probably been just as exited as anypony else. They also...
•made fun of her dad
•stole her new friend, Babs
•made her lose an event she might have planned for her entire life
•and got her on the Princess' bad side
5584059 k
I'm sorry that u didn't like it.
5584059 thanks for at least telling me what I did wrong
5584048 no no I am not
5584039 I'm sorry but I don't know you so your hatred towards isn't that big of a deal
"An eye for an eye ends up making the whole world blind" -Mahatma Gandhi.
I hate Diamond Tiara too, but I'm giving this a downvote because of the poor grammar, spelling, and punctuation.
DT is my favourite pony... And now, you're my least favourite author. Ironic, wouldn't you say now?
Yeah, I'm afraid I can't like this either. Diamond Tiara has done some rotten stuff, but she's still just a young filly. She doesn't deserve to get the shit utterly beaten out of her especially for something that was already resolved(the CMC won the contest, and Scoots seemed to have gotten over the whole "flightless" thing). Also Silver Spoon literally turns on DT at the drop of a hat, they're far too good friends to just split up like that.
Okay thanks for all the help. I'll try harder next time
5584059
Wait, what?
5584130 deep words my friend...deep words
So… to stop bullying, I should bully people? Ghandi would be so proud.
See the difference between us and the majority of Fanfiction.net is that our standards are higher (along if a nice looking design and varied color choice). Not only is this story lacking some basic grammar, it really isn't a story at all. It's a kid's sadistic daydream immediately after watch Flight to the Finish.
Read a couple more stories on this site, know the good from the bad. Also, try the Looking for Editors group.
5584470 troll.me/images/futurama-fry/not-sure-if-serious-or-sarcastic.jpg
5584497 okay awesome thanks for the help. I really appreciate it
Looks like I've found another one guys
5584503 im serious
Does the term self insert mean anything to you? If you aregoing to write a story about an OC that shares your name its best not to make them a super cool, tough, but also really nice character whom all the good characters love and the bad ones fear. That's called a self insert gary stu and it is a one wayticket to downvote ville.
Also you don't need six different tagsthis isn't dark gore or tragic and its probably not an alternate universe
Y'know i have lung cancer.
And it isn't half as bad as this.
Well looks like those "plotholes" kicked your ass because this is a bad story and very fast paced.
what on god's earth is this shit
I wonder why all the dislikes.... Its a REALLY good story!
It must be awesome to be named Lighting Rider in a world where ponies are named Pinkie Pie, Sweetie Belle and Fluttershy
There is nothing that makes you look like a bigger pansy then proclaiming yourself a badass.
A sequel where Lightning Rider gets arrested and tried for assault and possibly attempted murder might redeem this crap.
None of you have noticed that this is an extremely obvious self insert? Thats usually the first thing people notice and point out even sometimes when its not even true.
Edit: Just noticed Raylan's comment.
Let me get this much straight. I do not like Diamond ,she ranks almost as low as Trixie but there is a limit and this passes it.
So this seems to be a Gary/Mary sue self insert fic where in the self insert notices a bully and the first thing that comes to mind is
ck.
m.quickmeme.com/img/9c/9cb74b06c4d0bf0e5e0129da12ad17687953ffb4ffb8a8df32780829bfc3cf6d.jpg
Dont get me wrong, I dont like DT in fact when she's at her cruelest, I straight up hate her, as with all bullies. I was bullied by one jerk really bad once, and at the time I went as far as to fantasize about getting in a fight with him and beating him down but I never brought a shovel to the guy and smashed him in the chest hard enough to cause serious damage, thats straight up insane! Now I can understand if you wrote a fic where DT is maybe humiliated to get back at her or something, but from the sound of it your OC beat a filly to the point where a lung collapsed, meaning that filly is now struggling to breathe. Ghandi is usually one to look towards when it comes to these situations, not Hitler. Think about that, Hitler would have DT suffocated in a gas chamber (not too far off from this) while Ghandi would look for a peaceful solution where the CMC and DT talk it out or something, and it seems like you went with the Hitler approach. Well Gut fur sie my fellow brony, but keep in mind that Hitler *Spoilers* was a bit of a d
Now dont get me wrong, I'v thought about writing a fic where a group of terrible OC's get mauled, but trust me when I say that those kind of hate stories never turn out well, thus why I never released it. Especially when that fic involves a self insert and a filly being the victim. In all honesty, when I think of the author's OC and its thought process I can only think of one thing.
31.media.tumblr.com/0e98579390b2d1be18b2528fc0743c29/tumblr_mtnxnirP1x1qbhecao1_500.jpg
5585431 Trixie is awesome, just stuck up and egotistical; Blueblood and DT are jerks. but I dont think either of them deserve to be beaten down like this (to clarify I wouldnt mind Blueblood getting socked in the face, but not beaten half to death.)
5584130 Im gonna use that quote a lot, specifically in these hate fics.
5584530 yeah this is my oc. I'm going to flesh her out more in my other fanfics. And no not all the good characters like her. Thanks for pointing it out
One, that is a filly growing up in a NICE town, not some horrible neighborhood from new york where all you have to do is ask the guy next to you for drugs. No filly within reason would EVER fight that way, and even if she did have some background story where her life was bad and she grew up fighting, she would have the knowledge to NOT nearly-kill someone over BULLYING. No, she would know that is to be reserved for life and death situations. And even then, this is EQUESTRIA! Equestria is a land of magical talking ponies who love, and have friendship, and harmony. Diamond is just a bad apple, but there are always bad apples. Doesn't mean you put a flamethrower to them!
Also, where did your OC learn to fight that way? Rainbow you say? Rainbow Dash would never teach a kid to hurt someone just because they are bullies, verbal bullies to top it off! While bullying hurts, you don't nearly break a wrist/hoof over it, or kill someone.
I don't know why, but this story made me angry past the usual, this is a bad fanfic. Usually, I am not one to chew people out over them either, I try to nicely help them, but this... You have so many plotholes you are Swiss cheese, dude. I could say more, I could point out worse things, but I think I will let the rest of fimfiction do that for me.
0. Written by a kid who just watched Flight to the Finish.
1. Story with Diamond Tiara tagged Gore.
2. Takes place just after Flight to the Finish.
3. Contains self-insert OC who hears Scoots was made fun of who White-Knights for the CMC.
4. Silver Spoon leaves Diamond Tiara because she's sick of listening to Diamond making her such a bad pony.
5. Silver is redeemed.
6. Diamond gets punched with enough force to suffer a collapsed lung.
7. Self-insert OC proclaims to have said something bad ass as a young filly potentially dies on the ground with no one to give a care.
derpicdn.net/img/2014/11/7/759869/large.png
I think we can all agree to never speak of this again.
But seriously. No one should be taking this fic seriously. Walk away. We don't need to say anymore on this. Let's just let it go and resist the urge to say anymore on the matter.
5584059 I had a reply to this thought out, but I remembered how clear-cut it was in the show that everything you described was comeuppance for Diamond's own actions, and it hit me that you weren't being serious.
Or, on the off chance that you're legit: none of that justifies what SHE does to THEM. Diamond's a bitch, and karma's a bitch right back.
This story still has self-insert revenge fantasy written all over it, though, so I won't step up in its defense.
This is ironic. A bad writer is pretending to be a bad writer and doing it badly.
You have a solid grasp on the essentials for this type of troll. You know some of the best techniques for making a terrible story, such as blatant Mary Sue characters, l33t speak, rushed plot, caps lock, naked power fantasy, parentheticals that speak in the author's voice and pull you completely from the story, a complete lack of any buildup, and so much more, but the presentation just comes off as too desperate. Here's some things you should fix the next time you try to troll us:
Bad writers are consistently bad. Aside from typographical errors, or frequent 'spelling guesses', a bad writer will typically be consistent in their mistakes. They simply don't know they're not supposed to write that way. If they believe it's not important to capitalize the first person pronoun, "I," for example, they will not suddenly realize their mistake, and then unrealize it every few sentences. Likewise either they will put a space after an opening quote, or they will not. Remember, your troll user is a character too, and they have things they know, and things they don't know. They have things they want, and don't want. Put yourself in your character's shoes.
Putting a line break in the middle of a paragraph is not a sign of being a bad writer. It's a sign of being drunk. Have some self control. You're trying to impersonate a child, not someone with broken fingers and stroke damage.
If you're going to make a fake self insert character for your trollfic, then don't just name the account the exact same thing as the self insert character's name. I'm sure it actually happens sometimes by real authors, but when you throw it in your fake story it just stinks of a lack of self-confidence. Did you believe that your writing wasn't good enough for your audience to instantly spot that Lighting Rider was a self-insert character?
No kid refers to themself as a kid. In fact, your entire self-description overdoes it. Four short sentences reading like a kindergartener's crayon scribblings? But then your actual troll story has lengthy, complex sentences? You're changing your character's voice for extra impact, and it just makes the fakeness pop out at the reader.
The key to writing a convincing good story and to writing a convincing bad story is the same: subtlety. You want the reader to figure out on their own that your character is a terrible writer. You don't want to hammer them over the head with the conclusion that YOU want them to reach. Pepper in just the right amount of bad style and shallow thinking and have some faith in your readers to recognize it. I could come up with many more examples of how you went overboard, but I think you should just focus on that central message the next time you try to troll us, and we'll be fooled for sure.
Let me know if you need an editor or any other help with your next attempt.
5587017 thanks but I'm not trying to troll. I'm actually only 13. I would love an editor but I'm not sure if your being sarcastic or not. The reason the description is just some simple sentences is because I was trying to get it published I didn't really care what it said. Also this isn't the end of it, it does say incomplete and I'm working on another chapter. I'm not trying to be a bad writer. Keep in mind that this is my fanfic. I will get better and I fpget that this is pretty bad. Anyone who actually likes this, thanks for liking my stuff.
5586698 well I'll let u in on a secret. This isn't finished. It isn't even cannon to my OC's cannonverse. Kinda like the drunken night sonata is for the evening sonata.
5588223 Profanity is a-ok in a Teen-rated story.
5586930
Actually, I was being serious. Go ahead and blast me.
5588466 Meh. The steam's gone, and I think that statement was enough.
5592340
Ok. I'm working on a story that explains my position, so it would make more sense had I published it yet.
5584952
Or Filthy Rich sues him for every bit he's got.
5584059
• she fucking invited them for the sole purpose of making fun of them in order to stroke her epeen
•Babs befriended them to avoid being made fun of
•fuck her
I actually quite like Diamond Tiara, despite her flaws. The blatant violence towards her—a (mostly) innocent little filly—in this fic is disgusting.
In other words, fuck you.
Oh, and enjoy the new groups.
5635025
I hate you so much.
5637092
I love youuuuu
5637453
<3
5637496
No really, how can you enjoy this torture porn? I honestly hate you....
5637501
I never said I enjoyed the story bb <3
5588367
No kidding? This whole time I thought it was a mature only thing.
5587184
The first step towards wisdom is having the courage to admit you need it. Respect points gained for that, kid.
Take it from a pro, writing isn't easy. It's fun and rewarding, but also one of the most challenging crafts to hone. However, if you never give up and are willing to constantly work at learning more and perfecting it further through the guidance of others and- when you get to be an old ass like me- your own experience, then it can be mastered. I have faith in you, kid. Keep trying.
With steadfast loyalty,
The Pirate King