Capítulo Cuatro- When you're evil
A/N: Why is this one different? Discord is a reality Warper and Fourth Wall abuser. He can do that kind of thing. The inconsistency is intentional. Try to think of it as the text version of a Surrealist film. "Un Chien Andalou" typed out for your confusion.
The computer whirred softly, screen glowing in the relative darkness of the room. It was not the only light, but the small lamp on the other side of the room wasn't exactly bursting with light power. The entire room was in hazy shade, with a bed, entertainment set, closet, and shelves upon shelves of pony things, along with plenty of posters and other images on the walls.
The computer did not stand empty long, it was soon occupied by a generic human figure, adult but not too old, with a cut of coffee set down beside the monitor. He was wearing a pony shirt, and had a small pony tattooed on his arm. He was a fan, to be sure.
"Time to make another masterpiece." He spoke with a chipper energy and opened his word processing program, setting his preferred writing parameters and then getting to work. "This should be good. But I want to use Discord. Everybody tells me he's evil but I kinda think he might be ok..."
"When the Devil is too busy..." A voice, smug and filled with humor suddenly rang out from nowhere, or everywhere, or somewhere in between.
"What?" The Brony looked around the room. Just as it had been. No visitors, and the television was off.
"And Death's a bit too much." The same voice, smug and full of mirth, still emerging from thin air, fat air and comfortable-with-its-weight air.
"Come on, this isn't funny. Come on out. Or, you know, tell me where you hid the speaker. Is that the guys from the pony group? Very funny." The man was out of his seat and searching the room.
"They call on me..." There was a short pause, the voice slowing his tempo. "By name, you see..."
"Cut it out! I mean it! This is hardly funny anymore."
"For... my... special..." A long pause, then the smooth run of a taloned finger over the man's arm. "Touch."
"Hey! What was that? How are you doing that?" The man threw a punch towards the location of the touch, panting and looking around with suspicion.
"To the gentlemen I'm Miss Fortune..." Suddenly with a bright flash of light there appeared... Discord. Kind of. It looked more like the female version thereof, popularly known as Eris, in all her girly glory. And for whatever reason she was rolling around and balancing on a golden wheel. And for whatever OTHER reason that wheel had cash values etched on the spokes.
"Wh-what the buck is going on here? Y-yo-you can't be..!"
"To the ladies I'm Sir Prize." The Eris form leaped off of the golden wheel with a flash of light, appearing in a more male form, wearing a rubber head. It looked like a white pony head, with a poofy golden mane, a present held in his griffin hand.
The man was stunned, to say the least. He was more surprised because the gift was being offered to him quite directly and insistently. "What?"
"But call me by any name..." Using his other hand Discord pulled off the rubber head to reveal his normal one-fanged face, still offering over the gift. "Hey, take it. Go on."
He took it, and slowly opened the ribbon, unable to take his eyes off of the grinning draconequus. As soon as the ribbon was loose there was a huge explosion of confetti and party horn squeaks. "Hey!"
"Any way it's all the same!" When the confetti cleared enough to allow viewing, Discord was popping out from inside the box, hand on his chest, belting out the line with scenery-chewing gusto. After holding the note for far too long he looked down at the Brony with a smile. "Hello there young sir. I'm quite certain you know exactly who I am."
"Discord!" There was a flurry of screaming and running and fretting before a giant griffon hand came down and grabbed the man securely by the head.
"I can't believe that I, master of chaos is going to say this but... calm down, Brony. There's no need to run around like a pony with a sugar rush. Now, at least you recognize who I am."
"But how can you be here? You're a cartoon character! And not even one based on a real person like Chuck Norris or Mister T!"
Discord immediately put on a Chuck Norris moustache/goatee combo and a Mister T Mohawk, with the requisite pile of gold chains around his neck. "I pity the fool that don't recognize my roundhouse kick!" The draconequus swept a roundhouse kick at the man's face, creating an explosion of light at the contact.
When the light faded there was nothing left. Well, the Brony fellow and Discord were intact, but the rest of the world was gone. They were just floating in the blackness, somehow able to breathe and stand and see each other. "What the hay is going on around here? How can you even be here?"
"You're starting to repeat yourself. And you know how BORING I find such silly things like consistency. But to answer your question... I am the spirit of chaos! Did you really think I would be stopped by some trivial little thing like being a cartoon, the fourth wall or Rule 34? Don't answer that last one, it's not pretty. But really..." He slipped on a pair of sunglasses and gave his famous one-fanged grin. "I'm here to help you resolve your curious quandary regarding my depiction in your story. More fan fiction, more love. Poor Chrysalis. Succubi come and go but CHAOS remains. Oh... How depressing. I've gotten into a rut of existing. But nothing to be done."
"My... how are you going to show me that? Are we just going to... sit and talk? Discuss what you're like?"
"Oh yes. THAT would be the height of chaos." Discord rolled his eyes and snapped his fingers. The blackness was replaced by a black-and-white stage, set up like a 1950's news program, with the Brony suddenly in one cup-shaped chair and Discord in the other, wearing a seersucker suit and a set of black-rimmed glasses. "Would you prefer something along this format?" Even his voice was the buzzing monophonic sound of a 1950's television.
"Uh..."
"I'm sorry, sir, but the answer is actually ‘no.' Thank you for being on the program." Music started to play out of nowhere and the lights dimmed down into blackness. All of a sudden Discord and the man were back and their normal selves. "I will be taking you around a completely illusory circumstance, to show you what I'm like. That way you can see I'm not such a bad fellow. Now, come along with me." Discord opened a glowing portal and pulled the man through it.
They arrived in a small, cozy-looking town in pastel colors with a distinctly flash-looking edge. All around were colorful ponies, going about their lives. "Oh em gee! Human in Equestria! Hug a pony!" The man ran towards a yellow earth pony and went in for a hug. He passed right through and tumbled around on the ground.
"Yes... and you say you've seen this show? I am not exactly allowed in Equestria anymore. Magico-physico-vibro-yadda-yadda, if I go back I blow myself up. And I don't get to recover. So I made a little example space. They don't see you... BUT STOP LOOKING THERE! Have a little self respect, and have some respect for that fake mare and quit looking under her tail. Come on, I'm explaining what I'm like. In song."
"I'm the fly in your soup..." Discord vanished in a flash and reappeared in a bowl of soup as a plump, two-winged fly, doing a little fly-stroke. The pony gingerly removed the fly and shook out his spoon before setting to eating the soup.
"I'm the pebble in your shoe..." With a flash the fly was gone, and suddenly a pony in heels started to limp a little bit, coming down on her right front shoe much more gingerly than before.
"I'm the pea beneath your bed..." It was night, all of a sudden, and the inside of a house revealed a pony sweating and shifting on his bed, his flesh suddenly so sensitive that a tiny little Discord pea (Or Peacord, as the kids call them these days) was an unbearable imposition against his rest.
"I'm the bump on every head..." Just... at random... in a random place... a pony was clanged on the noggin with a fast-moving Discord tossed by no one.
"I'm the peel on which you slip..." Another quick cut, and a Discord banana peel slid beneath the hoof of a random pony, collapsing him to the ground.
"I'm the pin in every hip..." At a dress shop that was Carousel Boutique with the names changed and the serial numbers filed off, a unicorn mare gave a sharp yelp while being fitted for a dress. She looked behind her to the tailor, who could only shrug. He didn't notice the little Pincord digging itself deeply into the flank of the mare of its own accord.
"I'm the thorn in your side
Makes you wriggle and writhe." For a change of pace, Discord was picking on a donkey, the poor jack somehow barrel-deep in a briar patch, twisting and writhing about as the thorns dug in against his flesh.
The man had simply been... there. Following along with jump cuts like he was watching TV while being inside it. "So uh... this is what you do?"
"Of course! A bit of harmless chaos just to amuse myself. And, of course, to amuse all my adoring fans. Yes, I know you're out there. But I don't think the pink one does. I think she may have... problems." Discord pointed to his head and rotated his finger. That caused his head to separate from his shoulders and rotate along with his finger. "No matter! Please, proceed to the next scene as the script indicates. I will be there shortly."
"Next scene, wha-?" The man vanished with an effect like a very bad editing job, being there one frame and simply gone the next.
Now alone Discord opened his arms and gathered up glowing spheres around him. Through them he could watch every scene he had just perpetrated. The soup-eating pony was bedridden, too lethargic to do anything thanks to the sleeping sickness left behind by the Discord tsetse fly; the fancy mare with the pebble in her shoe was watching as a doctor drained the abscess that had developed from the sharp stone affecting her hoof, with a bit of magic rushing infection along; the pony with the pea groaned and sweat desperately, as the tiniest shaft of sunlight struck his now hyper-sensitive flesh, feeling like a thousand magnifying glasses focused on him from every angle; the head-stricken pony was in a coma, barely having survived a subdural hematoma; the banana peel victim looked hopelessly out of the window from his bed, where he would stay for all his days thanks to a freak spinal fracture caused by the fall; the other fancy mare was no longer wearing a dress, she was in the hospital preparing for the amputation of her gangrenous leg, thanks to a very unsanitary pin that had dug deep into her hip; and lastly, the donkey was still in the briar patch, braying for help as the tangled thorny vines seemed to clutch at him with a will, tearing his flesh with every desperate yank.
A cruel grin spread across Discord's face as the scenes played out, each sphere popping like a soap bubble as they ceased to amuse him. When the last had been dismissed he cut a quick jig, fingers clawed and eyes glowing red. "And it's so easy when you're evil
This is the life, you see
The Devil tips his hat to me.
I do it all because I'm evil
And I do it all for free
Your tears are all the pay I'll ever need."
The man gave a jump as Discord appeared beside him, looking smug and pleased with himself. "Oh! There you are. Is this..?"
"Indeed it is, my little brony! Welcome, welcome, welcome to your very first Nightmare Night!" Discord swept his mismatched arms to indicate the small, nondescript pony town, packed with spooky decorations, and filled with fillies and colts in all manner of costumes. "Nightmare Night... a scary holiday in a perfectly pleasant ponytopia. Ugh. It's like a perky-Goth's paradise. Passable but really, why don't we liven things up a bit?"
"How can we do that? I guess you can interact with them, but all I can really do is watch you act like some kind of ridiculous goof." The man crossed his arms over his chest and looked on Discord with a gaze approaching annoyance.
"Well, looks like that honeymoon is over. Or the bloom is off the rose. Whichever it is, calm yourself. I'm doing my best to entertain you." Discord snapped his fingers, fattening considerably, eyes bulging in two directions, a hangdog expression practically chiseling itself into his features and a necktie appearing around his neck. He gave it a tug and shook his head. "I tell ya, no respect. I get no respect at all."
The human looked around at the festivities and grinned a bit. "Not that I mind. This is a pretty nice little thing. Reminds me of being a kid..."
"Yes, yes, I know. Spare me the ten-hour story of your quirky childhood in Lake Woebegone or Saint Olaf or some other dull little Scandinavian hamlet invariably located in the frozen wasteland known as Minnesota. Allow me a little chaos before you attempt to bore me back to stone."
"Oh. Right. So what were you going to show me here?"
"Yes! Straight to business. It's funny business." Discord slid on a pair of sunglasses, instantly tuning into a copy of Rainbow Dash in her Shadowbolt attire. "And business is good." With that he swooped out towards a group of foals.
"While there's children to make sad..." The Shadowbolt-Dash suddenly opened her mouth freakishly wide to show off hundreds, if not thousands, of needle-sharp teeth dripping with saliva. Understandably shocked the little ones screamed in costume-wetting terror and ran off, abandoning their precious candy haul.
"While there's candy to be had..." Discord snapped back to his normal form, gathering up the fallen bags of candy and greedily consuming them, wrappers, bags and all. Including the bag that actually had a rock in it. To Discord's credit, he gave his human companion some of the candy. And a toothbrush. And a rock.
"While there's pockets left to pick..." Discord slipped into the shadow of a casually-strolling stallion. A tendril of darkness reached up and into the pouch of the earth pony, removing a bag of bits, an ID and a velvet box from a jewelry store. He slipped away, scattering the loot everywhere.
Spotting a Granny-Smith-Equivalent old mare, Discord was off like a shot, suddenly becoming a Discord-tripwire at the top of a flight of stairs. "While there's grannies left to trip down the stairs..."
"I'll be there, I'll be waiting 'round the corner
It's a game I'm glad I'm in it
'Cause there's one born every minute!" Discord leaped around the corner, grabbed a random stallion and straightened him up, engulfing his head and sucking on it like a lollipop. He then threw the pony over his shoulder next to the human, causing the stiff pony to shatter like cheap candy.
"Woah! Hey! That pony just exploded into, like, a million pieces!" The man's focus moved to the shattered stallion, his hands picking up the pieces and desperately trying to put them all back together.
His attention elsewhere, Discord was free to make his eyes glow red and to grin maliciously as he watched the foals trebling in fear in a well-lit corner while the old mare weakly cried for help at the bottom of the stairs, and the pickpocket victim desperately tried to convince his marefriend he had been robbed. "And it's so easy when you're evil
This is the life, you see
The Devil tips his hat to me.
I do it all because I'm evil
And I do it all for free
Your tears are all the pay I'll ever need."
"Did you say something?" The human had pieced together the candy stallion in a surprisingly short time. As soon as the last piece was set into place his hands fell through the pony, who stood up with a shake of his head.
"Did I? Sometimes it's so hard to keep track. Chaos, you know. Makes it hard to put things in order and figure out what I did, didn't do and haven't done yet. I swear I get them so mixed up." He snapped his fingers and the scene changed to a bright parade ground, which looked even more cartoony than the prior scenes. It was populated, not by ponies, but by extremely stylized and chibi-sized demons.
"What the he... ok, I'm not falling into that joke. What is this? I didn't think ponies had demons."
"Well you're no fun, are you?" Discord stuck his tongue out and grinned. "Well, I'm on a script right now, I can conjure what I want for the moment and I felt I needed a parade ground. Now, be quiet while I march." Discord started to march in time with the sudden music, legs coming up high and arms swinging freely. "I pledge my allegiance to all things dark," He marched past a raised platform which held a giant, completely-cartoonish demon dressed in a military uniform just dripping with medals.
"And I promise on my damned soul
To do as I am told, Lord Beelzebub
Has never seen a soldier quite like me
Not only does his job but does it happily!"
"That was... unique." The scene just dissolved into blackness after it was over. Once more Discord and the human were floating in pure nothingness. He looked to the spirit of chaos with a quirked brow. "I think I have an idea for a fic. Was that all you wanted to show me?"
"Oh no! Not at all! You seem to have underestimated me if that's all you thought I would do. Come along then, we've got one last bit of chaos to get to." With a snap and flash it was nighttime, in the midst of several quaint pony homes.
"Wow. You know, this place looks really nice. Probably be good for a vacation or something like that. Why not let me have some kind of "Human in Equestria" experience? You said that you couldn't be there but you could always send me there on some kind of limited time leash." The human looked hopefully aside at Discord with a smile.
"All things in due time, all things in due time. But for right now, I must leap to my next bit of activity. Watch and learn, little brony."
Suddenly the human was behind what looked like a security panel with a number of screens showing a few sleeping ponies, Discord there in all the screens at once, looking sneaky and cheerful. "What in the hay..?"
Discord roared with all his might, scaring a little unicorn filly so badly that she actually wet herself. "I'm the fear that keeps you awake!"
Another monitor revealed a mare couple waking up to see the shadows writhing around with a will and intention, in the form of Discord. "I'm the shadows on the wall..."
"I'm the monsters they become!" The shadows molded themselves anew, from the amorphous blobs to looming shades obviously meaning something to the pair, from mocking children to angry figures both male and female, as well as more abstract concepts like bitbags, looming buildings and medical implements.
"I'm the nightmare in your skull." Another security image showed a very old mare, squirming and sweating as a cloud over her head revealed the contents of her dreams. She was caught in some kind of darkness, trembling and bound down, limbs stretched out.
"W-wait! Come on, that's a bit... I mean... and you have fans?" The human was finally looking thoroughly uncertain, rising up and staring fearfully at the screen.
"Come now, little brony, don't be so naive." Discord appeared in the screen, a frightening close-up with fuzzy, washed-out video and slightly-buzzing audio. "Everypony loves a bit of chaos now and then! They think I'm amusing and love that actor that happens to sound like me. Besides, that charmingly alien, soul-devouring abomination Cthulhu has thousands of fans! If he can have some love, aren't I allowed to?" With that, Discord vanished into the dream.
"B-but..."
The protest fell on deaf ears, as the dream-mare screamed in agony when a blade flashed forward. "I'm a dagger in your back,
An extra turn upon the rack." The dagger remained, but the ropes tightened, as Discord turned a crank and drew the old mare out, with a loud popping of her joints.
The dream bubble vanished, the old mare shown thrashing on her bed, gums grinding, one hoof landing on her chest and her body giving regular spasms. "I'm the quivering of your heart
A stabbing pain, a sudden start!" All the screens went black, the very instant the old mare was forced awake by Discord's scream, her face a mixture of terror and agony, the clutching of her chest tighter than before.
"H-hey! Discord! Discord! What's going on? Where are you? What happened? What is going on here?" The human stood as the whole scene faded away again, leaving behind the blackness once more. He saw Discord in the non-specific distance, and made his way along, seemingly by pure thought.
Discord was dancing around in utter glee, leaping and waving his hands, eyes glowing a shocking red, his voice a harsh rasp. "And it's so easy when you're evil
This is the life, you see
The Devil tips his hat to me.
I do it all because I'm evil
And I do it all for free
Your tears are all the pay I'll ever need."
"What?" The comment cracked the blackness, the surroundings shattering and crashing like broken glass to reveal the bedroom once more. "I thought it was all... I don't know, jokes and pranks. Funny things that maybe got a little mean but were ultimately just silly. What about all that stuff like "Daddy Discord" and the charming "Disclestia" stuff? Aren't you a fluffy, happy creature that is ultimately loving and misunderstood?"
Discord slumped down, shoulders drooping. He seemed... tired. Or even defeated. "You know... All of that is true. It's completely true. I mean, look at me! I'm a mess. I'm just a fun-loving guy who doesn't always know the extent of his own powers. I enjoy entertainment and spontaneity. You were perfectly correct. THEY are perfectly correct. I am, at heart, "Daddy Discord" and the type that could woo the fair Celestia. But I have my spontaneous moments, the side-effect of chaos. And then I can't seem to help myself."
"Hey I... I didn't know. I mean... Now I think... maybe I could..." The human wanted to give Discord a hug, but the spirit of chaos was already on the other side of the room under a bluish light, holding a 30's-style microphone, looking soulfully upwards.
"It gets so lonely being evil.
What I'd do to see you smile..." Discord smiled sadly and caressed the microphone, turning around towards the human and slowly moving over to him.
"Even for a little while..." He reached the man and slowly curled his sinuous body around him, the blue light slowly changing tone, sliding around the color wheel away from the violet side.
"And no one loves you when you're evil." For a moment there was silence, and the same soulful look on Discord's face. But the color of the light finally changed to red, a red to match the color of his glowing eyes. He jabbed two barbed stakes into the human's hands, attached to long metal strings.
"AAAGH! What is this? What are you doing?!" He was directed to his computer chair, his hands flying to the keyboard, clattering away on it with blinding speed at the limit of the computer's capabilities. He typed up an entire squishy, soft, face-saving story for Discord, with romance and stable family matters.
"Did you think I could really leave you with an ambiguous image? HA! I am the SOUL of ambiguity, but you know perfectly well what my nature is. You'd have to be a fool to not understand why that window of me was filled with flames." Discord was up above, working the puppet strings with a sadistic grin.
The story finished it was quickly formatted, sprinkled lightly with tiny errors to make it look properly human-made, and submitted to various places. "Ok, ok, I wrote the story. Or, you wrote it. Whatever. It's up. You can go..."
"And so can you. Thank you for letting me use your accounts." Discord snapped his fingers and made a knife appear in the human's hand. "I'm lying through my teeth!"
The strings moved, with some trembling, as the man tried to fight the motion of the forced action, which brought the knife closer and closer to his throat. "Your tears are all the company I need..."
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Gabriel LaVedier · 57k words · 23 4 · 2.5k views
- Gabriel LaVedier · 2.4k words · 18 3 · 1.3k views
- Gabriel LaVedier · 3.6k words · 25 4 · 1k views
- Gabriel LaVedier · 33k words · 31 3 · 1.9k views
- Gabriel LaVedier · 2.6k words · 55 9 · 1.6k views
- Gabriel LaVedier · 36k words · 30 4 · 2.6k views
- Gabriel LaVedier · 34k words · 25 2 · 1.3k views
- Gabriel LaVedier · 22k words · 22 2 · 782 views
Stats
Page generated in 0.108 seconds
Total duration
1,000 users online
1,716,859 hits today, 2,280,440 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
729985
A fitting final chapter, I think. Thanks for sticking with me through it all
729996
Please tell me that is clearly a joke... There are many awesome Voltair songs left that deserve a good story...
Edit. My head I am a bit drunk.
Not that I mid. Missing an N in mind.
First, did you mean to truncate the last line? You know how that bugs me.
So we've finally come full circle from that terrible little story with the whiny little author to a quite well done execution. I wasn't sure about it at the start but you meshed the song beautifully; and then, so many references throughout.
730145
Formatting this one was a nightmare. So mant tags to add and such. Anything that pisses folks off is almost certainly unintentional. I'll give it a look.
Also, yes, references. Discord works well as a fouth-wall-breaking pop-culture spewer and general reference-maker.
730145
I don't get it. If you mean the ellipsis, well, I wanted an unspoken "more happened after the song ended." Ambiguity: Discord approved.
731092
Listened to the song again, you are right. I guess 5 a.m. is a bad time to remember things.
1914349
As I said elsewhere to Tuume, they are hard to write for. First of all, Zecora presents problems given her rhyming, though it makes a great exercise in poetic forms. Then there's the age matter. Sure, time passes and you can show that. But even when she's a slightly older teen it's still inappropriate in a context. My own idea is that the Equestrian age of majority is 16 as in many other places. But still, some folk don't like it.
I'd love to do more, but there are just so many other stories in the queue, and so many problems with writing it.
Interesting. Will be in my read later list.
2946573
No, you're right. In my defense I remember I wrote this one without a word processor so it got even less scrutiny than usual.
Well, i see my expectations have been fully met. Very nice ... it was almost as I've been listening to the song itself while reading it, though the breaks between the lyrics seemed to be a little bit too long, but that's due to the nature of the medium ... so not much that can be done i guess. Anyways ... silly Brony, underestimating the Spirit of Chaos.
I like that Discord mentioned that detail about the fire in the window ... even better that he failed to mention the screams. At least i think i remember faint screams.
Once again ... a very nice piece work!
Now i finally reached the end of my queue and can start with the long-eared temptress. Huzzah!
P.S.:
bore me back to stone.
2950626
Yes, the fire and screaming are why I made Discord much more unpleasant and threatening. There is some canon support for the idea that he's a real monster.
4359016
Thank you. They've really grown on me.
I'm kind of disappointed. Not by the technical side of this little story or anything like that, just by Discord's characterization really. Discord is often portrayed, like here, as evil. But he's chaos given form.... Chaos isn't evil nor good, it is unpredictability. Disorder. Randomness. There is no morality or any such a human idea or concept about it, chaos doesn't 'pick sides' so to say.
Might have been better to use Nightmare Moon or Sombra or Chrysalis for this song instead. Of course I don't believe that Nightmare Moon was evil, and Chrysalis was just a power hungry idiot...
That said, I did really enjoy this. Despite having a dislike normally for seeing ponies getting hurt in even minor ways.
4822725
I dislike it too. It's why Discord was careful to mention it was essentially a holodeck the size of a small pocket dimension. No actual ponies with actual lives.
Chaos, observed from outside, has the appearance of evil because it works contrary to intentional, ordered acts. "Natural Evil" is often the result of chaos (which is what we call naturalistic effects with too many variables to calculate.) Also, having a sapient will and unlimited power renders a being capricious, and perpetually bored. They end up like Yahweh, a bloodthirsty goon who uses murder and destruction as an ego-boost in order to force worship from the cringing bug-creatures that they torment.
There was a hie fic that featured the music of Voltair. Does anyone know the title of this fic ? It featured lyra, in love with a human. It also featured dr whooves, as his vortex manipulator was how the human was transported to equestria. The story seems to have disappeared from the HIE fics. I really enjoyed that fic.