- Member Since 29th May, 2014
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Timeless Lord Slayer
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Timeless Lord Slayer
Joined 29th May, 2014 ·
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If this Chapter is anything to go by for quality, then I can't wait for more chapters for it.
Tracking it right now, might end up in my Favorites after a couple more chapters are posted.
"Retrofitting" does not fit in that last portion at all. Surely you meant a different word, and not one that means "Putting new types of parts into an older machine"?
5282610
Dang it, autocorrect!
This my dear boy is going to be up there with some of the top stories I have seen here, keep up the good work I can't wait to see more.
5283205
Thank you!
Excellent start. This story has potential. Keep up the good work.
5283636
Will do!
Great beginning for this story.
5292395
Thanks!
Over 50 likes!? I'm flattered! I didn't think I would even break 20! Thank you all for the support, I really appreciate it!
As I always, this comment is purely my own opinion and should be taken as such.
I know its in the name of story progression to include the Elements of harmony on the trip but I cant help but question why it would be decided by the characters to take Equestria's best line of defense to something Celestia admitted could be a threat, second, if Celestia perceives this being to be a threat why wasn't the only known entry and supposedly exit to the 'garden' not put under any kind of guard or watch?
It seems the Ponies have little presence in the sections of the chapter that don't focus on them, a prime example of this is that the reader doesn't know what happened to RD once she collided with the wall, was she knocked out? Did she try again as a prideful RD would?
Why wasn't the plan revealed to the reader? All that was stated about it was that it was risky leaving it up to the reader to decide whether they went with the initial statement by Celestia to Give Otium some friends, determine if he is a threat or a mysterious third option.
I do not know if it was intentional or not but I like the lack of information being provided about Otium at the moment, it keeps me interested and wanting to know more about his story and how it ties in with the world and how he knows of Celestia, 'you of all ponies should know'. This is more a personal thing but I like more description in my stories as it helps with the immersion, its mostly little things such as, what was the wall made of? Why where the Ponies dazed after teleporting this time? And what where to others reactions to RD's brash actions? as well as a little insight into the thoughts of the Characters.
Overall I like the story and believe it has the potential to become something great, I believe its strongest point is that it is unique, like every other story, but what really makes it shine is how it is different in the idea that it is driven by, in the plethora of stories that I have read I could count the amount of stories that are even slightly related to this one on one hand. Can't wait to see where the immortal Otium will take me and I look forward to the next update.
Sincerely,
TheMagicalBrony
5311673
Thank you for your insight. The details that you so crave are indeed missing for a certain purpose, but some of them are just mistakes. I will try to give a bit more insight on what the characters are thinking and what happened to them in the next chapter, but Otium shall remain a mystery for a while longer.
Think twilight have a 'reform' mind spell plans like she tried with discord?
5318624
She does indeed have a reform spell, but whether or not she will need to use it in the story will remain unknown for now.
I don't know what is happening right now...
5318641
Lost?
5318624
That is the most terrifying spell in existence. It has the power to alter your morals, your mind, your thoughts and one of the most sacred things to man. Free will. To forcibly change the opinion of someone is horrifying. Brainwashing comes close, but often the effects of brainwashing are possible to reverse. But to take away a man's very thoughts, never to return gives me a shiver. Why do ponies even have this?
5318746
Umm...Discord's gift to ponykind?
ts2.mm.bing.net/th?id=HN.608013296125938907&w=88&h=94&c=7&rs=1&p=0&dpr=2&pid=1.7
Man, this chapter is interesting.
5318875
Glad to hear it!
5318746 terrible yes but it a tool to use just saying twilight would use it or any spell if she felt justify it could protect her home, family and friends plus she might thinks it alright cause she using it for good.
5319225
Guess we'll just have to wait and see, eh?
5318752
Why would he throw a reform spell out there if it could be his undoin-oh right spirit of chaos.
5322034 he did it for the lols
orig11.deviantart.net/1b16/f/2012/120/e/2/discord_dance_by_peachiekeenie-d4y2o96.gif
It said he was a human and i was like
31.media.tumblr.com/b7d4698a074300f833f21696239ecbcb/tumblr_mt5m7fHSp31ra0fpao2_400.gif
Mind blown