I don't care if you're black, white, bisexual, straight, gay, lesbian, short, tall, fat, skinny, rich, or poor. If you're nice to me, I'll be nice to you. Simple as that.
Twilight wakes up one morning, only to find herself in a horrible place- a white room. Icolated from her friends, the outside world, and all simple rules of goodness, logic, and order, Twilight is determined not to go totally insane.
And she won't.
Probably.
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I think this story shows a grate possibility lets see it go and find out ware it tacks us.
5051537
Gee thanks harts….
Nicest thing I've heard all day >.<
is this gonna be anther story that your not gonna finish?
5051672
the thing is, its completed. I'm setting it now. The other thing is, I only have 3 stories that are to be continued. Those are the ponypocalypse, my best friend, and lifted (which I might continue.) Thanks for your concern though you good person
There's the possibility of a good story here but the execution is lacking and some of the writing is a little off. It's too fast. Scenes are too short. There are some strange word choices. After only 30 minutes Twilight manages to get out of the room? Unless you're going to pull a Shyamalan twist like she's always going to be in the room or once she goes so far she's automatically sent back. Or even something like this:
Then you might have something but right now there's no tension. There's no sense that Twilight is in any danger.
Also I need to question certain things.
How would she know it's midnight? And why would that have anything to do with her not remembering the past few hours? I'm also not a fan of her head burning like "fury". It just seems out of place.
How does she know she's not in Ponyville? Can she sense how far away from Ponyville she actually is? I would guess there are even places that Twilight Sparkle hasn't visited in Ponyville and this could simply be one of them. Also desolate might be better replaced with "empty". Desolate usually refers to a place where there's no life or it's just bleak and dismal.
Could you mean "It's" instead of "Is" at the start there because "Is" makes no sense as it stands.
Incomplete sentences are incomplete. You have several of these but I'm not going to list them all.
So she was shaky a moment ago and now she's able to spin around quickly even though she's dizzy and dehydrated? And why would she be dehydrated? She's only been there for a few hours right?
Which one is it? Has it only been a couple minutes or has it been a half hour?
It breaks after she just touches it?
I thought you said that Twilight had a good sense of time.
Sorry, it just feels weak and there's too many problems with it.
5051745 ok, but are you not going to continue fallin so quickly
Interesting read.
Sad to see it was cancelled., This has the start to be a very deep fic if ever continued.
But I'm the type of person who loves to read fics about things between the lines.
5074818
Aww, thanks! Yeah, it was cancelled because of lack of interest on both sides (The readers and the writer) Honestly, I might put it on Hiatus if people don't think its that terrible