Angel bright

Source

This story is a sequel to Freedom Evermore

Everything seemed perfect. Flying lessons were going good, trust was starting to be mended, and life was overall nice.

Then the accident happened.

And her absence taught him alot about himself.
-------
Cowrite with GodofBBQ. Go check out his page, he's a cool bro.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 11 )

Viewing 1 - 50 of 11
- Newest First
- Oldest First

Manaphy

Manaphy #1 · Nov 21st, 2014 · · ·

Pretty good so far. I like a nice Scootaloo x Rumble. Anyway, I do have a few quick suggestions.

In the description, "alot" should be "a lot". I also felt that there could have been more show than tell in some places, such as in the scene near the end of the chapter where Rumble is relieved that Scootaloo will be okay.

Other than those things, I still enjoyed it and I'll track this for now and maybe favorite it in the future.

jazzie366 FLUFFKIN

jazzie366 FLUFFKIN #2 · Nov 21st, 2014 · · ·

Good job as ususal, only the love part was a tad bit cheesy, nevertheless, i likey.

Phaedra

Phaedra #3 · Nov 21st, 2014 · · ·

The love part was a it rushed, but it's a quick edit and adding a few more sentences should do the trick. Still, it's a good fic and a promising sequel so far.

Lady Lorelei

Lady Lorelei #4 · Nov 22nd, 2014 · · ·

Some sentences near the top seemed as if they were repeating themseleves- I counted two of them.

The love thing did feel tagged on.

Perhaps since this is continueing you can build a foundation for the love storyline instead of merely stateing it.

Also the editing is most of the time great though this chappie had a few mistakes- don't worry nothing major we all make them- Celestia knows I do lol.

Style was good, pacing great- and description top notch!!!

Calling back to the other fic was slick.

I enjoyed this in the end I'll hoof bump and even give an early fav with faith this will end great.

jazzie366 FLUFFKIN